i relish the fact that astarion is nobody. he has no assets, no family, no goals, no true occupation—inept in society. but it doesn’t matter, because tav loves him for what he is.
but this makes him insecure, especially when she talks to objectively good people.
like when tav meets harper geraldus. handsome, righteous, albeit a bit nervous. he was cute, and actively tried for society. tav, jaheira and him discussed business, but astarion itched, hanging back with the others. fuck, shouldn’t he be involved with her? what could geraldus say that was better than his own retorts? was she sick of astarion’s sly comments already?
or what of tav’s relationship with halsin? and their conversations about thaniel, nature, and the greater good of the grove? nights by the fire, storytelling of his esteemed occupation as an archdruid?
would astarion be better if he was naturally an altruist? possibly. could he try harder? maybe. but it’s just not his nature. it makes him wonder: why does tav love him?
in the heart of city, his anxiety spikes. who would he choose to be, once he’s free from cazador? what could he provide? was he even capable of such a thing? tav notices his turmoil, and shares more gentle glances, touches. but his guilt persists. tav could love someone with so much more.
he envisions them in the future, perhaps at a ball or a festival, one with friends she needed to introduce him to. he’d walk up and shine a vampire’s smile, all bark and no bite. no i’m from’s or i work’s. it was simply him, and tav’s awkward smile, perhaps trying to convince them he was worth her time.
he could kill for her. spend a debauched night with her, trade silly banter her. but then what? eternally attuned to lust, what could he offer, in the name of love?
he’d study what it means to be good, whatever that meant.
but that didn’t mean it’d be life-altering. when tav was busy exploring the city with the others, he strolled past street vendors, straightening like he had a damned clue. he spotted a glowing ring (if it had any magical incantation, he wouldn’t know) and bought it.
(or rather, also convinced the merchant to lower his prices, not just for him, but everyone in this poor, war-torn city) (wait, was that a step towards… being good?)
“i can’t provide anything else right now, really,” astarion played it off that night, confidence thin over his awkward swaying as he nonchalantly threw tav the ring. he’d rather speak before she could make the first comment. things would’ve probably ended anyway.
but tav hugged him, and he froze, his performance fizzling out of his bones. damn it all, where was his confidence now? had love made him truly this soft?
it was all okay, because tav and astarion, in a city of work and coin, were both empty—the best scenario to be in when they both needed a void to fill.
(who knows, maybe one day astarion will buy a house near the water, where tav needn’t worry about a thing again.) (definitely not at full price, though.)
After he kills Cazador and spends some quality time ✨️ with you on his grave he thinks he's all healed now and can be intimate with you with no disgust or loathing
Oh how wrong he was
The grave intimacy was amazing, he was present, focusing only on you, the best night he has ever had
The next time he tries to have a "night of passion" with you is right after you defeat the netherbrain, as a reward and also a celebration
But the unwanted happened: he dissociated
He didn't even realize he wasn't there until you tapped him on the shoulder
It felt like a dagger to his back, but from himself. What went wrong? Cazador was dead. Tadpoles were gone. You were there with him despite everything. Why can't he just have sex with you like a normal person?!
Because healing takes time baby boy 🥺
He ran away that night. Because of anger, shame, desperation, he didn't know. Maybe all of it?
He only showed up two days later, apologizing and offering to continue, claiming to do better this time and not dissappoint you
You just hugged him and told him he didn't need to, that you'll be happy if the two of you just talk under the stars like you used to back in camp
He wants to agree and spend time with you but he blurts out no. He's angry at himself more than you. He just wants to give you everything you deserve, including a proper relationship with everything that belongs to it
You reassure him you understand but he needs time to properly heal
"Time? What should I wait for? Cazador's dead, I'm under no one's control, the wretched worms are gone and the two of us are together. I should be okay!"
It takes some time for him to calm down and admit what he has subconsciously known: he isn't ready yet. No matter how much he wants to be
You see his struggle. He wants it all at once now that he's free
Seeing him in this state makes you want to help him but there's seemingly nothing you can do. Except...
With a smile and no other word you take him by the hand and lead him to your shared bedroom
You start pulling your clothes off of you and you can feel him smirk behind you, until you finally reveal your plan to him
"We'll strip and cuddle. Nothing more. You need to explore other ways of being intimate, not just sex."
He's a bit puzzled to say the least. He has never heard of laying with someone naked as the day they were born and just...lay. By all logic and what he's known for most of his life it makes no sense. How can someone get pleasure out of just laying? He imagines it would be similair to locking him in a bloodbank but forbidding him from touching anything
Regardless, he starts stripping. If this is some manipulative tactic of yours it's pretty weak but he wants to see where this will go
No tactic, no ill intention, the two of you strip and get under the covers
He lays down after you and for a second has no idea what to do. Should he embrace you first? Should he wait for you?
Carefully, as if aproaching a stray cat, you move closer to him and slowly lay your head on his cool chest
The lack of clothes makes this a completely new experience for both of you, the contrast between your warm living body and his cold undead one is much more evident now
After a while you get a bit bolder and fully cuddle up to him, arm wrapping around his torso, your legs locking around one of his
When he felt your sex press against his thigh he expected to get aroused. Logically he should, right?
But he didn't. And neither did you. You just sighed and relaxed more
Astarion propped up his head with one of his hands, the other one brushed along your spine up and down
"This feels... nice."
You smile against his pectoral, silently celebrating your small victory
As you begin to drift off, lulled by his rhythmic breathing, he makes his own step forward and turns fully towards you, one hand on your lower back pushing your torsos together, the other pulls your thigh up and hooks it around his hip
If he was hard and you moved just a bit downwards he would slip right inside you, so close and yet
He nuzzles his face into your neck and plants a little kiss on your pulse point, over the marks he's made on you while feeding on your blood
"This is really nice," he purrs like a cat
When you wake up the next morning you remain in the same position as when you fell asleep, the only difference is Astarion's hands: firmly planted on your ass
After your first little intimate session he feels a lot more relaxed, behaves a bit more carefree, a bit happier over all
You try to carefully suggest couple of more cuddlings but he needs little convincing
Once the door to the bedroom is closed all clothes are off
Almost. Every. Night.
It was like entering a whole new universe for him, he wanted to explore everything this new arrangement could offer him
The two of you tried every position you could think of, it kinda reminded you of sex minus the sweaty mess afterwards
On the bed, spooning, chest to chest, sitting down, him between your legs, you between his, on the love seat, random windowsill, standing behind you with his amrs wrapped around you while cooking
When you had very busy days but still wanted the skin to skin he would go shirtless, tear your own shirt off of you and hug you as long as he could
An absolute power trip for him would be if you were the only naked one, sitting in his lap while he himself sat somewhere, either a couch or some random chair
Makes his imagination run wild. What if he had ascended back then? He would think of how he would make you slowly strip infront of him while he sat on a throne of sorts in Cazador's, now his, palace. How your naked body would dance against the finest silk of his robes as he took you over and over again
As much as this little idea aroused him he was glad it stayed only in the realms of "what if". He couldn't imagine how ascession would corrupt him and rob him of what he currently has
He loved taking you in missionary, but he might love having you sit on his lap a bit more
Your soft breasts preassing into him, head resting on his shoulder, giving him the perfect angle to grab your ass and squeeze it like a stress toy
Not to mention your weight grounding him in case his mind decided to wander against his will
However the more often you spend time like this, either sleeping cuddled up together or just hanging out, the less he felt his consciousness slipping away. Maybe all he really needed was to adjust his body and mind to intimacy, convice them he's safe with you, that he doesn't need to escape anymore
On one such cuddle session, when he had you comfortably on his lap and his back against the head of the bed, he desperately wanted to suggest trying to make love again
But something inside him, maybe an intuition or fear, told him he might not be ready yet, he might fuck it up again, dissapoint you, and return back to ground zero
Instead he suggested kissing. Small innocent pecks
You agreed with such enthusiasm, it made his heart almost skip a beat
The two of you agreed to go with the flow and let whatever would happen play out, see how far the two of you could go
It really started out innocently
At first you peppered his whole face with small kisses, not leaving one centimeter of skin untouched
He loved being admired, but he wanted to give some of his loving too
At first with pecks
Then proper kiss
An open mouthed kiss soon followed
A tongue slipped out and inside the other one's mouth soon after
You didn't even realize it and you were making out for almost an hour now
It wasn't rushed like when hot passion hurries you, it was slow, intimate, comfortable. Like two people who had all the time in the world and decided to slow down and enjoy eachother
This first make out session didn't lead to anything more, none of you minded. Astarion was happy, so were you. But most importantly he hasn't dissociated in almost a month now
You still cuddled every day, pyjamas and other sleepwear became foreign concepts in your household, maybe one day one of your make out sessions will probably lead to more, who knows
But you do know that if it ever will lead to proper love making, it would be on Astarions's terms. Once he knows and feels he's ready
Until then you'll happily enjoy his naked form just pressed against yours every single night
where Astarion likes to leave and receive kisses <3
leave kisses: neck, cheek, back
There’s something reverent about the way Astarion leaves a gentle kiss on your neck before and after he feeds from you. It’s an expression of gratitude, a way to honor you and your kindness. The irony is how gentle these pecks are. If he’s feeling adventurous, he builds up the intensity of these kisses as he prepares to bite into you. It’s a game to him, and you can feel the grin he’s wearing when he indulges in that way.
He also kisses your neck as a greeting. Nothing too saucy, just a press of his lips against your pulse point. His arms would wrap around your midriff and he’d spin you around to kiss your pretty face, too.
His cheek kisses are more playful. He peppers them across your face if no one else is around. And often, he’ll nibble your cheek instead of just kissing it. Astarion is a chubby cheek lover and I’ll carry that notion for as long as I live.
He loves to kiss your back, too. Especially if he sneaks up behind you and catches you by surprise. You’ll feel a press of his lips to the space just below the nape of your neck and jump while he huffs out a laugh. He loves to surprise you, and he loves the goosebumps he brings out even more.
receive kisses: forehead, cheek, hands
He fusses if you “mess up” his hair but he adores it when you brush back a curl to leave a gentle kiss on his forehead. He melts when you do. If you can’t quite reach his forehead, a cheek kiss will suffice, but if you’re laying down together you’d better give him a forehead kiss or five. It’s expected of you, but he’d never admit it if you asked.
When you walk past him, he lives for the times that you leave a peck on his cheek. He almost always grabs you and returns your affection with a much more heated kiss. Your own cheeks will be flushed when he’s satisfied with returning the favor.
He loves when you kiss him in front of others. He’s proud to be with you, to share the bond with you that he does. He’ll show you off whenever and wherever he can. You feeling the same makes him positively giddy.
KISS HIS HANDS. The notion is so tender, so reverent, that the first time you do it he has to tease you to mask his awe. Of course he whispers filthy things about what his hands have done, what they’re capable of, but he’s hoping that you don’t notice the shyness behind his words. Take his hands and kiss his knuckles. Tell him how you love him… *all* of him. He’d be weak in the knees.
That’s all for now! More companions incoming at some point :P
Ahhh been a while, i love how everytime i come back its with a new hyperfixation…Anyways i wrote a dmc version of this, lets try out bg3! (yes…i know i just joined this fandom wayyy too late but thats the way i am)
Was gonna write everyone but i kinda got homework to do..might make a part two with karlach, gale, halsin, etc…
CHARACTERS: Astarion, Shadowheart, Lae'zel and Wyll
WORD COUNT: 1519
WARNINGS: light spoilers obviously! theres a bit of implied sexual trauma in astarions, also some possesive themes from lae'zel ig? nothing too major tho. Other than that its pure fluff! (keep in mind i havent played every romance path for every character and i may have been a bit inaccurate on accident...)
ASTARION:
Would you believe it? He's not particularly used to physical touch in any other way than sexually.
In fact, I feel like he would initially be weirded out by it, flinching away slightly or turning to look at you in confusion, and be even more confused when you apologize in response. Of course he's hugged you once or twice since you began dating but that doesnt mean it doesnt surprise him..
Truth be told he didn't hate it, for a while he thought he did, the way it made his stomach feel weird and warm, the way he didn't know what to say or do next, surely it's a sign of disgust?
Well..no, turns out he liked it, like a lot. Most of the companions are touch starved but he’s definitely one of the biggest. The moment he gets more comfortable, he’ll stop pulling away at your gentle hand hold or soft hugs at night, but he wont ask for them either, he doesn't know how to do it without it sounding insanely embarrassing.
After a few more times, he’ll finally start responding physically to your touch, pulling you deeper into the hugs, running his thumb across your hand and placing his head on top of yours as you lean on his shoulder.
He…loves it, loves how he can express his feelings through touch when he can't think of the right words, how you embrace can bring warmth to his freezing one, how when you grab his torso it's not always necessarily to pin him onto the bed.
He likes getting his hair touched, bonus points if you're praising him while playing with his silver strands, don't mess it up too much though, that hair takes time to style ok?!
In terms of cuddle positions…surprisingly I feel like he's more into being the big spoon, he's never been much of a “protector” (quite the opposite), but he loves feeling you in his grasp..like no one could pull you away from him… or take you away from him.
That's not to say he doesn't enjoy being the small spoon though, there's definitely times where he wants to be held as well, even after killing cazador, his thoughts do linger back to him sometimes, and he can't help but bury his head into your neck as if trying to suffocate his thoughts with your body.
Any other touch he'd particularly love? hmm..His ears..BUT IT'S A DELICATE PLACE, ears are already very sensitive, but ELF EARS? Yea tread carefully my friend. That being said play with the end of his ears of place a small peck on his earlobe and he’ll genuinely melt into his seat
Ok last thing, maybe some light shoulder nibbles while hes cuddling you in a state of sleepiness, he doesnt necessarily do it to feed (unless you wanna..), he simply enjoys slithering his tongue on your warm and sweet skin (it might leave a mark later though…)
In conclusion, a bit of a slowburn at first, but he comes to realize just how much he loves affection when he finally understands it comes in more ways than just lust
SHADOWHEART:
She's touchstarved. They all are, like ive previously said…
Shes not one for short moments. If you hug her, its gonna last at least 10 minutes, if you hold her hand, shes not letting go unless absolutely necessary, basically if you're going to be affectionate with her then shes not gonna accept some fleeting touch
Initially you assumed it wasnt her thing, judging by her demeanour, she was more of an…”acts of service” type of girl in terms of affection, and even though that isnt incorrect, you'll come to realize how much she truly craves to touch you
Loves tracing your body, by this i mean; tracing you knuckles with her finger, feeling every scar, bump, spot, mole or freckle on your face and gently following the lines of you palm with her nails
I could best describe her touch as long but gentle (dont be a pervert). Its soft, almost airy, but it will stay for a while, as if patiently analyzing the warmth and softness of your body
Now heres the interesting thing, hand holding is one of her favorites. Remember when i said she was soft and gentle? Not with hand holding, no she grips your hand in hers like one of you in hanging from a cliff, this is worsened if she feels irritated or upset that day. This is mostly done accidentally…do let her know if she's starting to turn your hand blue from poor circulation.
Shes not much of a talker if you two are cuddling, maybe she lets out a small chuckle under her breath every now and then, upon questioning her she’ll brushes it off and say “nothing it's just…youre wonderful..thats all..”
Ok so cuddle positions..seems like someone who would enjoy face to face cuddling, maybe laying her leg on top of yours too. She doesnt mind you laying your head on her chest tho, she’ll take advantage of that to cradle your head in her hands
Anything else she likes? Touching and having her lips touched, it feels so intimate yet..soothing, and it makes her knees weak sometimes, not that she’ll admit it
LAE'ZEL:
Oh boy…allright so..
Shes..a bit confused when you suddenly want all this touch from her, in case you havent noticed shes initially a bit on the prickly side
She doesnt particularly hate it, allthough her scoffs and muttered comments would tell you otherwise (which unless you know Githyanki you probably wont understand anyways). But just like the others, she’ll take some time to get used to it
I wouldnt really say shes big on showing affection through touch, she has other ways of expressing her love to you, HOWEVER she is very touchy as a way of showing dominance over others
Her partner is amazing, of course they are, but theyre her partner, and shell make sure everyone in and out of camp knows it
She’ll put her arm around you or have you hold hers as you walk, shell grip your hand in hers if she sees someone stare too much at either one of you..
Other than to “mark her territory” (yes yes cringe i know..), she also uses affection as a way of reassurance
Shes not..the best with words, often times not the best with actions either, so if even a small hand or shoulder squeeze…or even a firm hug is enough to bring you at least the slightest comfort, she’ll be happy
Cuddling positions, eh? Definitely big spoon, particularly she likes to pull your back against her chest. It’ll definitely be a bit too tight of an embrace at first, but when she begins to drift off she’ll be surprisingly gentle, nuzzling her forehead against your nape. Maybe shes open to being a small spoon every now and then, truth be told as long as she has you next to her she couldnt give two shits about whose embracing who. Actually i can also see her sleeping back to back, but with your arms or legs locked against each other
She does really like it when you feel her ears, hair or the scales on her neck, shes not used to such a gentle touch, turns out it feels rather nice…oh and uh…she definitely nibbles on you sometimes, i’ll let you decide where and how hard…
WYLL:
Now this one, oh he IS affectionate.
He loves picking you up for hugs, wether its lightly taking you off the ground or full on bridal style, he loves lifting you off your feet (this dude is a WARRIOR, trust me you’ll be as light as a feather to him)
He starts off as more of a giver than receiver (unlike the rest…), but once you start giving him the hugs and kisses, he suddenly ceases to function
The feeling of you hugging his waist from behind or rubbing his scalp after a long day is unlike any other feeling hes felt before, it can only be described as..paradise
Hes big on having you hold onto his arm, or better yet lock arms together, hes not much for pda but he definitely wants to feel you as you both walk along the busy streets
Hes somehow whose very cordial with his affections, well..at first. As time goes on, you two find yourselves indulging in playful head ruffles and childlishly playfighting under the covers, it never fails to make him smile while also making his face grow warmer
In terms of cuddle positions…he switches a bit. He definetly loves holding you in his arms as you lay your head on his chest, but on the flipside…man is it nice to feel your warm embrace lulling him to sleep during a cold night. I think its pretty 50/50 in that regard, either way, when you both fall into a world of slumber youll wake to find eachother sleeping face to face as youre locked in eachothers arms, how sweet...
Anything else? Oh he loves squeezing you gently! It can be anything from you waist, to your cheek to your hand or even your thigh if youre comfortable with it!
Summary: When you're hit with a particularly powerful spell in battle, you suddenly find yourself in a certain vampire's tent. You may not be sure what your relationship is, or even how you got here, but you can definitely say this. You have never seen Astarion look so worried in his life.
Author's note: Hi! So remember when I used to write fanfic like…. 5 million years ago? Anyways, new white boy of the week, month, year just dropped, and we're so back baby! (TBH I completely wrote this for myself since I'm sick as hell rn, but I thought, why not dust off this dusty tumblr account and share the love for our fave morally grey vamp boy)
CW: Fluff, use of BG3 jargon (reader is just perceptive as hell ok??) hurt/comfort on reader, potential BG3 spoilers, terrible writing but ignore that this is for the viiiibes, No use of Y/N, tried to use gender neutral pronouns. Not proof read I'm lazy!
Word count: 2K+
LMK if yall want a fluffy/smutty pt.2… Ima write it either way just wanna see if yall wanna read it hehehe. ENJOY!
*Saving Throw: Failed*
For some reason, those were the last words that rang through your head, before the world went dark, having failed to dodge the “flesh to stone” spell that the witch you were fighting threw at you.
Though, as the world began to go dark, you had no doubt that you would be back in battle in no time. All you needed was a quick healing spell from shadowheart, and you could continue kicking this hags ass all the way to the hells.
Which is why it was so surprising when you finally came to your senses, and found not a battlefield, not a witch, but exotic red fabrics and the smell of expensive jasmine incense surrounding you.
Is this… Astarions tent?
You tried to sit up, take in more of your surroundings but a pinch in your shoulder made you wince. It was only when a gentle hand fell on your shoulder and deep red eyes met yours, did you realize you weren't alone.
“Easy now, pet” a familiar silky voice said, before coming into view “You took quite a hit, even Shadowheart couldn’t fix state you were in” Astarion gently pushed you back into the pile of pillows stacked behind you, fluffing them up around your body before sitting at the end of the bed, staring at you.
“What happened?” You asked groggily, suddenly realizing that your throat had become quite dry. Before you could say anything about it though, Astarion was already holding a full carafe of water to your lips, slowly raising it to allow you to take a deep drink.
“Some sort of freezing spell. We all thought we were going to have to pay Withers to bring you back” He explained, lowering the water and placing it on the table beside him. “Though I must say, you do make quite a fetching statue. I may need to commission one for myself”
“But, how did I-” You started again, but Astarion interrupted you.
“We were able to find a portal nearby to get you back to camp. Karlach, of course did all the heavy lifting” Astarion explained, moving a piece of hair out of your face. The way he was acting, being so concerned… It was almost unnerving.
“You beat the witch without me?” you asked. It had taken you almost an hour of fighting to even get a dent in that hag, and that was before you were incapacitated. You rubbed your forehead, trying to remember more of what happened.
“Believe it or not, I am perfectly capable of killing some old witch by myself, thank you very much”
You paused your movements, looking through your fingers at Astarion with a quizzical brow.
“Fine, Karlach pushed her off the cliff, it was honestly quite hilarious. It's a shame you missed it… You know, being a rock and all”
“Why didn’t Shadowheart un-rock me at the fight? Why bring me all the way back here?” You asked, a bit irritated. That witch could have had some good loot, and now you’ll never know what she might have had, or if she had any clues towards how to find a cure for this damned tadpole in your head.
“Thats the thing” Asterion continued, ignoring your tone “I guess Shadowheart ran out of juice, and of course, you had the excellent idea of keeping all our scrolls at camp so that we don't weigh ourselves down-”
“Because YOU can't stop stealing things and making me carry them” You interrupted, earning a dismissive wave from his hand, before he continued.
“So we graciously brought you back to camp to have our other wizard fix you up. So, I believe the words you are looking for, are ‘Thank you’”
You glared at the pale elf in front of you, his charming smile infecting you, forcing you to look away before you gave in and smiled back.
“Fine, thank you for not leaving me to die in a hole in the ground” You grumbled finally, earning a condescending pat on the head.
“Of course, my sweet. Now, how are you feeling? Gale said you may have some side effects so, are you hurting anywhere? Any more memory loss? Do I have tentacles growing out of my ears?” He asked playfully, but there was an undertone of… was it worry?
Perception: Successful
The pale elf continued to fuss, taking in every feature of your face, allowing you to notice how exhausted he looked. His usual air of confidence seemed diminished slightly, his hair, usually perfect, now looked as if someone had worriedly dragged their fingers through the white strands repeatedly. His eyes had an almost frantic look to them. He had been worried about you.
“I feel fine… Are you ok? You asked softly, deciding against the usual sarcastic comments due to the fact, he did actually look a bit shaken. You hadn’t seen him this vulnerable since he confessed to having slept with you to manipulate you. A confession that you were able to understand, and move on from, agreeing to continue… whatever it is this was.
“Oh please, a whole day without having to hear about your insatiable blood lust or worrying about collecting camp supplies? I’ve never been better” He said, throwing a dramatically relaxed pose your way, going back to hiding his previous vulnerability.
“Oh please” You laughed, moving to sit up more comfortably “if it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have your massive collection of very pointy daggers to play with, would you?”
Astarion smiled at the comment, but it quickly fell as you winced, sharply sucking in a breath through your teeth as you moved.
“What hurts, darling?” He asked, suddenly worried all over again, helping you shift back to your original position in the pillows.
“I don’t know, everything?” You let out a quiet laugh, but was again cut off when you went to move your hand to your head again, pain searing through your joints from your shoulder to your fingers. “I just feel… stiff I guess”
“I don't doubt it, seeing you were literally made of stone for a moment. Then in a magically induced comma for twelve hours” he mumbled the last bit, hoping you wouldn't catch it but still, your reaction was immediate.
“Twelve hours!” You jolted upright, causing even more pain to shoot through your body, before collapsing back into the pillows, defeated. “Gods what the Hells was that witch on?”
Astarion let out a chuckle at your obvious annoyance, gently taking your free hand (the other draped dramatically over your eyes) and started absentmindedly playing with your fingers. “You had the whole camp worried… me especially. You know I wouldn't have gone to that idiot wizard unless it was absolutely necessary"
“Idiot wizard coming in!” You heard outside the tent suddenly, causing Astarion to groan and roll his eyes as Gale entered. “Glad to see you're finally awake! Now, I seem to understand youre having a bit of discomfort? Do you mind raising your arms for me?” Gale asked.
“Eavesdropping are we?” Astarion asked with a glare, but still, he reluctantly released your hand so you were free to do as he asked.
*Saving Throw: Failed*
You tried to hide the wince that threatened to show on your face as you attempted the movement, despite it being slow, but Astarion saw right through you, gently placing his hands on your arms to lower them back down.
“I think that's enough for now. Don't you have a spell or something to fix the pain they’re clearly experiencing?” Astarion asked sharply. You had seen Astarion and Gale bicker before, but this, the hardened look in Astarion's eyes. This was different.
“Sadly, no. I’ve used just about as much magic as they can handle right now, and I’m still not sure of the side effects the witch's curse may have had, so I'd like to play it safe for now.” Gale explained in an apologetic tone, ignoring Astarion's hostile tone “However, I would say in my professional opinion that with some rest, recovery, and gentle aerobic exercises to break up the tension, you should be back to vicious killing shape in no time! Granted no other, more serious side effects arise that is”
“Well, thanks for the wonderful advise” Astarion responded sarcastically, before shooing the Wizard with his hands “now, please fuck off to whatever useless thing you were doing before”
You shot a glare at Astarion, before turning back towards the wizard, giving him an apologetic expression
“Ignore him, Gale. Thank you for bringing me back. I appreciate it”
“Of course, please let me know if there's anything else I can do to help” Gale said, giving you a curt nod before exiting the tent.
“You know” You started, turning you attention back towards Astarion “That wasn’t very nice”
“Oh please, he’ll be fine, it’s you I'm worried about” Astarion said, dismissing his behavior entirely, before a mischievous look crossed his face “But he does bring up an excellent point. I know a few ways I could… Release some pent up tension in that delicious body of yours, if you’re interested” He finished, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.
You couldn’t help the smile that crossed your face as you let out a light chuckle at his question.
“As tempting as that sounds” You started, shifting yourself more upright against the pillows “I think I’ve handled just about my limit of long, hard things leaving me sore today”
“Darling I’m hurt,” Astarion said, a hand coming to cover his heart in a dramatic display of disappointment. “I thought I was the only one allowed to leave you absolutely and completely exhausted with my skills. I thought we had something special”
You roll your eyes but can't help but laugh. Despite the confession he made earlier, about having manipulated you, you two continued to be flirty towards each other. Of course, neither of you would do anything the other wasn’t comfortable with, but it had become almost a competition to see who could be the most inappropriately wanton in conversations, much to the displeasure of most of your companions (Karlach thought it was hilarious, Lazel, not so much)
“Im afraid, me being sprawled out and completely at your mercy in your bed will have to suffice for now” You joked, before suddenly remembering-
“Astarion, why am I in your tent?”
If it wasn’t for the fact that he was quite literally dead, you would have sworn you saw the tips of his ears turn pink.
“Well,” he started, suddenly finding that fluffing every single pillow surrounding you was the most important thing in the world as he avoided your gaze“Letting you rest outside on a ratty bedroll was hardly an option. And I think it's clear who has the most luxuriously comfortable living space in the camp. It was quite obvious really, that you should stay here”
You gently grabbed his hands and brought them in between your two bodies, stilling his nervous movements as he finally brought his gaze back to meet yours.
“Thank you” You said sincerely, absentmindedly rubbing your thumbs over his knuckles “For taking care of me”
“Please, there's hardly anything to thank me for.” He responded, his red eyes shifting from yours to your entwined hands “Its not like the rest of our merry band of weirdos is exactly qualified”
You looked over his features as he refused to meet your gaze.
*Perception; successful*
A band of weirdos, absolutely, but unqualified? Shadowheart and Gale both had healing capabilities, and Wyll and Lazel had both seen enough battle to know basic first aid. Even if that wasn’t the case, all anyone would have to do is watch over you while you slept to make sure nothing unusual happened. No, Astarion wanted to be the one to watch over you. Hell, you wouldn’t be surprised if he had threatened to fight the others to do it.
“Still” You continued, brushing a strand of white hair from his eyes, and forcing his gaze to meet yours again. “I’m glad it was you”
*Perception; Failed*
As his eyes bore into yours, you could feel your heart jackhammering against your chest. You wouldn’t be surprised if he was able to hear it, the way it was going. But you didn’t want to accidentally put him in a vulnerable position he didn’t want to be in. He had already been quite open with you already.
“Besides” you continued, gently pulling your hands away from him so you could gently stretch “I’m stiff as a board, and with all the blood I’ve given you, I feel like I’ve more than earned a massage, don't you think?”
You were joking of course, and he knew it. You had said plenty of times you didn't expect anything from him when you gave him blood, but still, the smile that crept to his lips made you concerned about what he was thinking.
“I may have a better idea” He said, a smirk finding its way to his lips.
Summary: As you lie, nestled into Astarion’s chest, he considers his feelings - his damned, complicated feelings.
Alternatively, Astarion experiences all 5 stages of grief in 10 minutes.
Rating: T
Word Count: 816
Pairing: Astarion x GN!Reader
Content: First person Astarion POV, fluff and angst, rather a lot of angst actually, feelings denial, Astarion needs a hug, cuddling, Astarion's simple plan beginning to fall apart.
Want to hear this fic read aloud with absolutely pristine acting by the incredibly talented CurlyChops on AO3? Have a listen here!
A/N: You know when you’re lying in bed, unable to sleep until you write down that idea that’s managed to worm its way into your brain at unspeakable hours of the night? Here we have a slightly angsty drabble that decided to do just that! After the reception to the Gale first person POV, I wanted to try my hand at an Astarion POV. Hopefully you enjoy!
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
A fool lies in this tent.
Look at you, nestled into my side, sleeping peacefully against my chest as if a vampire’s embrace is the safest place in all the realms. Utterly ridiculous. So trusting, so… pliant. All according to plan, really. I set the trap - a few choice words here, a few lingering touches there - and you walked right into it. Just like I knew you would.
Just like all the others do.
Well, not quite like all the others. You actually believe there's something redeemable in me, don't you? How deliciously naïve.
Do you even realise what you've fallen for? What I am? A monster, a liar, a parasite. Oh, my dear, the fool you are.
Though I suppose your particular brand of foolishness has its… uses. Your blind faith in my redemption is almost charming.
No. Not charming. It’s pathetic. Pathetically predictable. It can’t be charming. Because, if it is, I’m no better than the fool I mock.
You shift slightly in your sleep, and I resist the urge to recoil. This charade - this playing at romance, at desire - it shouldn’t affect me so. I’m above this. I’ve spent centuries perfecting the art of manipulation, of taking what I need. It was supposed to be easy: charm you, bed you, and secure my safety. A means to an end. But as I lay here, with your warmth pressed against me, my chest begins to tighten. Not in fear or hunger, but in something… complicated.
Anger begins to burn at the back of my throat. Good. Anger is familiar. It’s safer, easier to control.
This is your fault, you know. No, worse - it’s mine. My fault that I have been reduced to this - a creature desperate enough to sell the only scraps of autonomy I have left. You think this closeness is love, don’t you? But it’s not. It’s survival. It has always been survival.
But then again…
You’re not like the others at all, are you? Those who took without asking, without care. Your touch is… gentle. Always so damnably gentle. You’ve never grabbed, never demanded, never treated me like a thing to be used. With you, it hasn’t all been… bad. No, that’s not right - it’s been tolerable. Almost pleasant at times, really. Your touch doesn’t make my skin crawl; your voice doesn’t grate on my nerves. I tell myself it’s because you’re useful. That’s all this is.
That’s all it can ever be.
If I were to tell you the truth, what would you do? If I were to push you away, would you stay? If I were to let you in, would you hurt me? These questions gnaw at me, demanding answers I don't have.
Answers I don't want.
Even now, as you sleep, your fingers rest light as feathers on my chest. It’s maddening. Infuriating. How dare you? How dare you make this difficult? This was supposed to be simple. You were supposed to be simple.
I could kill you right now, you know. One quick movement, and all these feelings would disappear with you. Never again would you look at me like I'm something precious, something worth saving, like I’m–
“... Astarion,” you mumble drearily in your sleep.
Hells.
I should leave. I should push you away, remind you that I am not something to hold on to.
But I don’t move.
Instead, I stay. Because the truth, the awful, unbearable truth, is that I don’t want to lose this. The selfish man I am.
A sigh escapes me.
It’s exhausting. I’m exhausted.
Gods, what an absolute mess you’ve made of my carefully laid plans. I find myself watching you sleep, counting your breaths, fighting the urge to brush that strand of hair from your face.
When did this happen? When did I start to care whether you lived or died beyond your usefulness to me?
I hate this. I hate that you’ve made me feel anything at all, but more than that, I hate myself for not hating it more. The way you defend me, the way you’ve never once looked at me with disgust or fear… it’s terrifying.
You’re terrifying.
Yet I can't bear to give it away.
Your fingers curl into my shirt in your sleep, and I find myself pulling you closer despite every screaming instinct to push you away. Protecting you, as if I have any right to do so. As if I deserve the way you lean into my touch, trust in my words, believe in my capacity for - dare I say it - goodness. As if I deserve any of this.
The moonlight filtering through the tent catches on your sleeping face, and something inside me breaks. Or perhaps it's finally mending. I'm not sure I know the difference anymore.
A bitter laugh escapes my lips, so soft I’m certain it won’t wake you. How poetic. How utterly absurd.
Astarion likes missionary sex. Likes being able to see his love’s face and the way their body reacts to his.
He loves being able to lace his fingers with theirs, and press their hands to the mattress. It grounds him just as much as the steady eye contact does. Doesn’t matter if he has to coax them into it, murmuring “eyes on me, darling” as he rolls his hips into theirs.
He loves the way he can hold them close to his chest as he comes with their thighs wrapped around him, completely engulfed in one another.
