#ateez shitpost

[wooyoungisbaby]

[more ateez memes]

[psychopsemantics]

[ghostjes]

woosan hard launch this. woosan hard launch that. mingi is about to hard launch he has 13 boyfriends in 13 different countries

[ayyeo-sang]

ranking ateez members based on how likely they are to ask you to help them hide a body

from least to most likely

in this scenario, you are close enough with each member for them to feel comfortable asking you to be an accessory to a crime. also, because it was brought up to me, in this scenario they want to hide what they've done. otherwise, hongjoong, mingi, jongho, and wooyoung would all be in the "and i'd do it again" category.

8) Jongho

it's not that jongho wouldn't kill anyone, because he would, but to me the "will you help me hide a body" conversation is born from panic and uncertainty: "i've done something bad and now i don't know what to do and i need help." jongho is unburdened by these anchors.

7) San

now here is a person who would not kill another person. if san is asking you to hide a body, you probably wouldn't even need to. there's parades in the streets that this person is dead; they may even want to see the body to be sure the evil is truly defeated. san is lauded as an international hero (more so than he already is).

6) Seonghwa

he's mostly got everything under control. he knows how to keep his cool, but may have a moment of panic. he might ask you just to make sure the job gets done right.

5) Hongjoong

i feel like he's here just because he has other people he could ask first (no offense to you). man gets shit done and has everyone wrapped around his finger. he may panic a bit, but he knows when to lock in. like seonghwa, he may ask just to make sure he's covered all his bases.

4) Yunho

yunho is here because he's right in the middle of two personas. on one hand, you have the golden retriever puppy who will definitely ask you for help. on the other hand, you have the evil mastermind who has had this planned perfectly for 2 years and needs no help at all. he could really go either way.

3) Mingi

i can absolutely picture this guy, immediately after offing someone, looking around and kind of shuffling like "oh.. um... what now..." bro needs help. he's asking you, boba eyes and all.

2) Yeosang

here's the thing: yeosang absolutely meant to kill that guy, but does not know what to do next. he comes to you like 🧍‍♂️ "mom i frew up" vibes but he's like "could you... help me..."

1) Wooyoung

i have straight up seen this man do something he was not supposed to do and then immediately look for help (knocking the peppers off the counter in the cooking show...). he is 100% going to ask you to help him hide a body.

[marsmeetsmidnight]

ATEEZ Members Ranked by Who Would Survive a Zombie Apocalypse

a completely scientific and objective analysis

listen i have THOUGHTS about this and yes there’s a clear winner but we’re going through all of them because this matters

8. Mingi

I love this man with my whole heart but he would absolutely NOT make it and here’s why.

Mingi is scared of EVERYTHING. Bugs? Terrified. Loud noises? Jumps three feet in the air. The dark? Absolutely not. Now imagine him in a zombie apocalypse where everything is scary ALL THE TIME. He would have a panic attack within the first hour. The man would see one zombie and freeze completely, unable to move. Yes he’s tall and yes he’s fast, but fear would paralyze him. He’d be the one hiding under a table saying “I can’t do this I can’t do this I can’t do this” while everyone else is trying to fight. His anxiety would be at maximum level 24/7 and he’d probably pass out from the stress. Also he’d 100% scream at the worst possible moment and alert every zombie in the area to their location.

How long he’d last: 2 days maximum, and that’s only if someone literally carries him.

Cause of death: Saw a zombie, screamed, fainted, never woke up. OR got so scared he just gave up. We’re heartbroken but we understand, the apocalypse is NOT for the scaredy cats.

7. Wooyoung

I love him. You love him. He would NOT make it.

Here’s the thing about Wooyoung: he would 100% try to befriend a zombie. Like genuinely would look at a rotting corpse stumbling toward him and go “maybe they’re just misunderstood!!” The man is too loud. The zombies would find him IMMEDIATELY. He’d get distracted trying to make sure everyone else is okay instead of, you know, running. The boy cannot be quiet for more than 30 seconds and would probably start a cooking show in the apocalypse and attract every zombie in a 5-mile radius with the smell of whatever amazing food he’s making.

How long he’d last: 3 days, maybe a week if someone babysits him constantly.

Cause of death: Tried to feed a zombie thinking it would make them friends. We’re all devastated but not surprised.

6. San

This ranking PAINS me because San is incredible but hear me out.

San is TOO heroic. He would sacrifice himself for literally anyone, including strangers. Full “you guys go ahead, I’ll hold them off” energy. Like yes, the muscles would help in a fight, but the hero complex would absolutely get him killed. He would 100% go back for someone’s teddy bear. Cannot leave anyone behind even if it means certain death. Also too emotional and would have a complete breakdown seeing abandoned pets and then probably try to rescue all of them, which, while noble, is not a great survival strategy when you’re being chased by the undead.

How long he’d last: 2 weeks of being the group’s protector before an absolutely heroic sacrifice that makes us all sob.

Cause of death: Saved everyone else and stayed behind. We’re all crying. There are no dry eyes. He died a hero and we’ll never be okay.

5. Yunho

The golden retriever energy is strong but unfortunately not apocalypse-proof.

Yunho is too optimistic. He’d genuinely be like “I’m sure the zombies will leave us alone if we’re nice!” He would try to keep morale up by starting dance parties, which, while sweet, creates a NOISE PROBLEM. The height makes him an easy target to spot from a distance. He’s too trusting and would definitely let a bitten person into the safe house because “they said they’re fine!!” Narrator: they were not fine. He would probably name all the zombies he sees and then feel bad about fighting them. “That one’s Gerald, he used to be an accountant probably, I can’t just—” and then Gerald bites him.

How long he’d last: 3 weeks because his positive energy genuinely keeps the group together and prevents despair-related deaths, until his optimism becomes his downfall.

Cause of death: Trusted the wrong person OR zombies heard his characteristically loud, joyful laugh from three blocks away.

4. Jongho

You’d THINK the muscles mean automatic survival but let me explain.

Jongho could absolutely fight zombies hand-to-hand. The strength would be incredibly useful for barricading doors and moving heavy objects. BUT he would refuse to leave his hyungs behind under ANY circumstances, which is loyal but potentially fatal. Might waste valuable energy breaking apples just to prove he still can even during the apocalypse. His stubbornness could be both an asset and a massive liability. He’d be the type to say “I don’t need to run, I’ll just fight them” which works great until you’re facing 50 zombies instead of 5. The maknae strength is real but it’s not infinite.

How long he’d last: 1-2 months of being an absolute tank until the stubbornness catches up with him.

Cause of death: Refused to retreat when the group needed to run, stood his ground, fought valiantly and took down an impressive number of zombies but was ultimately overwhelmed. Went down swinging. We’re devastated.

3. Yeosang

The dark horse of this ranking and honestly he’d do better than you’d expect.

Yeosang is QUIET. Stealth king. Zombies wouldn’t even know he’s there half the time. He’s incredibly observant and would notice danger before anyone else does. Smart enough to avoid unnecessary risks and wouldn’t do something stupid for the adrenaline rush. The birthmark makes him memorable to humans but he’d survive anyway through sheer competence. He’s not overly emotional so he can make logical decisions when needed. Would absolutely be the one to find the best hiding spots that no one else thought of. The only issue is he might make a calculated sacrifice for the team when it really counts because he cares about them that much.

How long he’d last: 3-4 months, which is a genuinely solid run.

Cause of death: Either a calculated sacrifice to save the others OR finally ran out of luck after an impressive survival streak.

2. Hongjoong

CAPTAIN. LEADER. Almost has what it takes but not quite.

Hongjoong has a STRATEGIC MIND and would plan everything down to the smallest detail. He’s a natural leader and people would follow him without question. Being small makes him a harder target and he can hide in places others can’t. Incredibly resourceful and would absolutely MacGyver solutions out of random supplies. Decisive under pressure and doesn’t freeze up. Already doesn’t sleep anyway so taking night watch shifts is easy for him. Would organize supply runs, establish a base, create schedules and routines to keep everyone sane. The problem: he would make the heroic leader sacrifice when the group needed it most. Also might get so focused on planning and strategizing that he misses immediate danger happening right in front of him.

How long he’d last: 1-2 years of successfully leading a survivor group and keeping people alive.

Cause of death: Heroic leader sacrifice where he stays behind so everyone else can escape OR, and hear me out, accidentally poisoned himself trying to mix hair dye in the apocalypse because he’s STILL trying to maintain the look. Both are equally possible.

1. SEONGHWA

THE WINNER. THE CHAMPION. THE SOLE SURVIVOR.

Let me tell you exactly why Park Seonghwa would not just survive but absolutely THRIVE in a zombie apocalypse.

First of all, the cleanliness factor. Zombies are DIRTY and GROSS and covered in fluids you don’t want to think about. Seonghwa’s germaphobe tendencies mean he’s already maintaining maximum distance from anything unsanitary. His entire “don’t touch me with your dirty hands” energy is literally a survival strategy. He would have hand sanitizer stockpiled before the apocalypse even started, probably just as part of his normal routine. His obsessive cleaning means any safe house he’s in is STERILE, which prevents infection from spreading among survivors. He would genuinely rather die than let a zombie’s disgusting rotting hands touch him, and somehow this mindset is exactly what keeps him alive.

The organization is next level. Everything would be labeled, categorized, and inventory managed. He knows EXACTLY what supplies the group has at all times. He’s a meal prep KING so he would ration perfectly and make sure no food goes to waste. There would be a cleaning schedule even during the apocalypse. He’d be like “we WILL maintain standards even if the world is ending” and everyone would listen because he’s right. You can’t give up on civilization just because there are zombies.

His practical skills are actually insane when you think about it. He can COOK, which is essential for survival and morale. He’s detail-oriented so he notices when something’s wrong or out of place. He’s cautious by nature and wouldn’t take stupid risks. His maternal instincts mean he’s actively working to keep everyone alive and healthy. The man would pack the PERFECT bug-out bag with everything you actually need and nothing you don’t.

The mindset is what really sets him apart though. He’s calm under pressure, which we’ve seen in every single ATEEZ chaos moment. Doesn’t panic easily and thinks things through before acting. He’s adaptable but maintains routines, which is psychologically important for staying sane. His whole vibe is “if I’m going to survive an apocalypse, I’m doing it with DIGNITY” and honestly that’s the key.

Physical advantages: those arms could absolutely wield a weapon effectively. Dancer flexibility means parkour potential for escaping across rooftops. Stamina for days from all the performing. He’s surprisingly strong, like have you SEEN him? The pretty face is deceiving but the man has muscles.

Personality-wise, he’s caring enough to help others but logical enough to make hard choices when necessary. He would establish a safe, functional community. He’s a natural caretaker so people would actively want him in their survivor group. He’s scary when angry and I genuinely think zombies would sense this energy and think twice. The LEGO sets mean he has engineering skills for building traps and barricades and fortifications.

Here’s the wildcard: he would 100% maintain a skincare routine during the apocalypse. Like “the world may be ending but my skin doesn’t have to” energy. This sounds ridiculous but think about what it means. If he has the discipline to do a 10-step skincare routine while running from zombies, he has the discipline to survive literally anything. The man’s commitment to self-care in the face of the apocalypse is both absurd and exactly why he’d outlast everyone.

How long he’d last: OUTLIVES THE ENTIRE APOCALYPSE.

Cause of death: DOESN’T DIE. Instead, he rebuilds civilization. Becomes the leader of the new world. Establishes strict hygiene protocols for all survivors. Creates a new society based on cleanliness, organization, and having proper meals three times a day. The zombies eventually give up because they literally cannot handle his judgmental “you’re disgusting” stare. He wins by sheer force of will and superior hygiene standards.

FINAL ANALYSIS

Seonghwa would not only SURVIVE, he would THRIVE in ways that would make the rest of us look pathetic.

While everyone else is slowly losing their humanity and descending into survival mode chaos, Seonghwa is maintaining a cleaning schedule, doing his skincare routine, cooking proper nutritious meals, keeping detailed inventory lists, judging the zombies for their lack of hygiene, building LEGO sets for stress relief, organizing supply closets by category and expiration date, and looking absolutely flawless while doing all of it.

The apocalypse wouldn’t break him. The apocalypse would fear HIM.

Park Seonghwa: 1, Zombie Apocalypse: 0.

The rest of ATEEZ would probably die protecting each other in beautiful, tragic, heroic ways that would make us all cry for weeks, but Seonghwa would be standing there at the end, hand sanitizer in one hand, perfectly organized supply list in the other, skin glowing, hair perfect, and genuinely wondering why everyone else struggled so much with something so straightforward.

“I just stayed clean and didn’t do anything stupid,” he’d say, as if it’s that simple. And for him, it was.

tl;dr

Seonghwa’s germaphobe tendencies, organizational skills, practical abilities, and absolute refusal to let standards slip even during the literal end of the world make him the ultimate survivor. The man would out-organize the apocalypse itself. Also he’s too pretty to die and the universe wouldn’t allow it. These are just facts.

[ccallmeyours]

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙ mdni ·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚

link

san loves to fuck your thighs, he's been waiting for nothing else all day.

[cosmohwa]

ateez as 'i want a baby' texts

i'm gonna have some fun here after seeing these online

HONGJOONG

SEONGHWA

YUNHO

YEOSANG

SAN

MINGI

WOOYOUNG

JONGHO

[seonghoax]

Mingi streaming the tortured poets department by Taylor Swift. Fun fact! He has the vinyl in his studio! He’s one of us…

This is kinda dumb