#atenemhet

[survivaldespair2-blog1]

And now you’re trying to make me feel a way, on purpose | Kimiko | MM TRIAL | RE: HABIBTI

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[CW: The usual Kimiko self harm folks, strangulation, she's predictable]

“Be strong, Habibti”

Habibti.... Her breath hitches and she locks her hands together, fingers curling around each other. What to do, when you breath in stardust and bleed out galaxies. When just the simple action of feeling anything at all threatens to make you collapse and causes the world to blink out in vivid colours. Those syrupy staticy tears threaten to spill over once more and she bites down on her lower lip. Ha.... It hurts, but it's still a pleasant pain. He's waiting for her after all. Maybe they both are, she doesn't want them to give up on her yet. Maybe she shouldn't give up on herself either. Maybe.

But it's so hard. Being thrown from emotion to emotion. Thinking you understand people and being proven wrong time and time again, to be disappointed over and over again. She had tried reaching out to them, she tried and they slapped her hand back at her. They might act nice now but they would do it again. Even her mother did, and her mother understood her more deeply than anyone else. She folded over slightly, hands flying up to clutch at her chest. To claw desperately at her heart.

She had wanted to believe in them, she had thought they could make it. She wanted to be close to them. She wanted- She wanted- She wanted- She felt so much, it was overwhelming, to feel so deeply about things. She felt blood slip from her lip, she felt those blasted honey tears sliding down her face and she knew there was no escape from it. No matter how hard she tried to distance herself from them... She wanted to still be friends. She wanted to still be family. She wanted to believe in them, to trust them not to hurt her. She wanted them to live up to her expectations.

And it hurt. How could she ever be sure anymore? How can she had over her weakness knowing full well they could crush it in their hands at any moment? She hadn't even noticed her hands move from her chest to her neck. Squeezing tightly nails digging in. It hurts, she wants it to stop she doesn't like feeling like this it has to stop she wants and wants and wantswantswants-

Her hands quickly retract covered in that disgusting static leaking from her eyes. Shakily she takes in a breath staring at those trembling hands. Frantically she tries to rub it off on her sweater, but the sticky syrup just won't disappear. "I-..." She feels more... grounded now. She wipes the blood off her lips and chin with the back of her arm. "...I... I want to... I want to believe in us.... I really- I really do but..." 

[survivaldespair2-blog1]

Please Give Me Something To Sing About | Kimiko | Chapter 3 Body Reaction

After the fiasco at the occult club meeting; after talking to Neo, Gernot, Arthur and Hoshimi; after everything Kimiko had felt so tired. She had went to the restaurant to visit Atenemhet, and the two had ended up heading down to the platform. She knew it was selfish, but she had just wanted to feel happy for a little bit longer. She had been laying against him, talking about how confused she felt towards the events that had played out when she had fallen asleep.

"My child, do you know why I have never pursued that kind of life?"

       "No Mother, do you not feel anything towards anyone?"

"Your mother, she is very strong... but her heart is her weakness. So she keeps it locked away in a cage, so that she may continue to be strong."

      "But isn't that lonely?"

"I am not lonely, my child, I have you. And I know that you are the only one I can entrust this weak heart to. I know you will never disappoint me."

"Eh heh he! Of course Mother."

"Now come my child, I have something very special to show you-"

The announcement rang out and Kimiko jolted out of her sleep. She blink weakly, adjusting to the light. She felt cold. Atenemhet was gone. Atenemhet was gone-  F a r i d   w a s   g o n e . Her breathing picked up. She stumbled to get up, to run as fast as she could to where the announcement told her to go. Sadly she was still not fully awake yet, and she tripped and fell down the stairs her first attempt. She had never fallen down stairs before, it hurt. It hurt. Where was Farid, she needed to get to Farid right now. She was scared. Her dreams had been scaring her lately, screaming in the void or memories from her youth. She wanted neither. She shook and shuddered, pulling herself up from the bottom of the stairs to start again.

This time she did not fall. She clawed her way up the stairs frantically, the smell of smoke only briefly masking the smell of blood. A smell she knew well. The sight of blood used to comfort her, to signify she was still alive, but now as she stared at the body of one of her lovers she felt no comfort. For a moment she was stuck in place, her body shuddering. "Farid..." She dove over to him, she grasped him in her arms, his lifeless corpse. She cried out, loud and primal. She grasped what was left of his head to her chest.

[♪♪♪]

"Farid..."

She couldn't breath. She couldn't think. He had been right with her, they had been together. She could have protected him. She shouldn't have fallen asleep- She should have been more vigilant- She should have-

She should have never opened her heart up in the first place. Finally... Finally she understood her Mother, finally she understood why she acted as she did. It was to stay strong, to never lose her edge. Romance and love were not a distraction. She had lied to her to try and protect her. To love, to be loved, it was to suffer. To give your heart away was to become weak.

She gasped out weak breaths, her hands shaking. She placed a hand against his cheek. "My Solaris..." She pressed her lips against his. They tasted of blood and of pain. She smeared his blood on her face, she cried and cried. She could have done more, she could have done more to protect him. She placed one of his cold hands against her own cheek.

To love was to give someone your ultimate weakness, the frail heart that beat in your chest. And ultimately, to love was to destroy yourself. She continued to sob, pressing his hand into her cheek and his body against hers.

She had never felt more dead in her life.

[shitpostdespair]

Where I was going to post originally.

[survivaldespair2-blog1]

May Anubis Find Your Soul Light || Atenemhet || Execution reaction

After Uta's confession, the courtroom had fallen into silence for several moments as people input their votes. Atenemhet, however, just stared at his options, hand hovering over them for a moment, two moments... until he dropped his hand, not putting in a vote. 

"I'm sorry. Thank you." His voice was quiet, his eyes focused downward, but there was no doubt that he was addressing Uta. 

... And then, she was gone. 

Atenemhet didn't watch the execution, he didn't watch the life fade from the eyes of the person who had saved his parents (in a way that he hadn't been able to do, even...). He just did... nothing. 

He was exhausted, he didn't want to try and puzzle out what this "Ultra-40" was or if the gods were blessing them or cursing them with this revelation. He didn't want to be here, in this room. No, if he could pick anything, he would pick a vision. A permanent vision, one unending where he just basked in the presence of the gods, dedicated to their worship. It wasn't death, he didn't want to die. He just wanted a vision, something pleasant to overwhelm his senses and take him somewhere else. 

Kimiko approached him, though, and slid her arm around him, and he knew that meant it was time to go. He stood up with her help - it was getting easier, bit by bit, he thought. Maybe. - and with her assistance began to leave the trial room. 

He didn't want to go back to that room. 

"Please, to restaurant," he asked Kimiko. He wanted to sleep. 

[survivaldespair2-blog1]

Fragile Beings | Kimiko | Execution reaction | Closed

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[CW: hanging; choking; implied suicidal thoughts, attempt, and jokes]

In all honesty Kimiko wasn't sure how she felt as she waited for the ten minutes to be over. She certainly felt something but... She just couldn't put her finger on what. Empty maybe? She didn't know. It was a dull and a cold. For a moment she closed her eyes and tried to look into herself. Maybe she could find answers on the beach....

But before she found her answers the time was up. She hears the screen descend and she opens her eyes. It would be rude to ignore Uta's death, she would watch and keep her eyes fixed on them. As the lights flicker on to a noose around Uta's neck Kimiko can't help but remember Yūrei. His odd sense of humour, his love of that book, the items he kept under his bed.

      It's my tie Yuki! See I'm just your average office worker, off to live an unhappy life for the sake of 'living' well! Boy I sure do love our society!

She was broken out of her thoughts when the trap door opened and Uta began to squirm. How cruel... Not even giving them a proper death. Her throat feels dry. But then the rope breaks, they're free and they fall through the trap door-

     I don't know, I guess I like to keep it around. It's a reminder of what I could have lost. If it hadn't broke.... I wouldn't have ever met you in person Yuki. That would have been a shame.

There is water everywhere. Did Uta have enough time to gasp in a good final breath? Who are the people she wonders, although they look enough like Uta. It should have been obvious of course, they are Uta's family. And Uta is futilely pounding away on the glass. Kimiko watches them closely, watches their face change, and watches the look of betrayal that flashes on their face. And then they squirm and convulse until finally they are still.

     Sometimes I still think about it but, I know that because I have everyone that I really don't want to anymore. It can be really hard some days but still, I want to make it to the day that we can all hang out together. I'm at peace with it.

Empty, empty was the feeling. Hollow, her insides feel like they are not there, they likely feel like how Kayu's do. She doesn't particularly want to think about this now. She doesn't want to think about how Uta's family will feel when they don't return home. She doesn't want to think about how much Yūrei must be worrying about her, how frantic he must be. She doesn't want to even entertain the thought her mother might actually miss her. Wordlessly she heads over to Atenemhet's side, expression blank. She slides her arms under him to support him and waits for him to be ready to leave. 

[survivaldespair2-blog1]

Thoth help us || Atenemhet || CH 2 Trial | RE: Tarou, Kimiko, Arthur

Atenemhet was mostly just following along, listening and not adding anything - he was tired, after all, exhausted even. In fact, he almost seemed to be zoning out at one point, just tapping his knee with one hand and staring into the distance for almost a solid minute.

Not that anyone was paying attention, however, since the discussion required more time.

He looked up immediately when Tarou mentioned the lower concourse, however... and despite Kimiko and Arthur's reluctance to relay exactly what had happened, he felt he should explain.

"Of the... blood in bathroom," Atty ventured nervously. "I know not why some wet, but, the dry was mine. It isn't to be part of murder, I did not success of kill." He looked down, fidgeting a little with his hands. "It is not to be related. I would rather not to explain, but if it is needed, I will. After vote, maybe, so not to waste time."

The Egyptian boy kept his eyes focused on his hands and the bandages wrapped around his arms, rather than looking up at those around him. "I do not understand the murder, but you are making a lot of the sense about the books..." 

[survivaldespair2-blog1]

A slow burn | Kimiko | Chp 2 | Trial Start! | Re: everything so far

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Kimiko and Atenemhet were the last two to arrive to the trial. Although they were actually very close to the trial room already, Kimiko had taken no rush to get there. After all Atenemhet was recovering still, she didn't want to strain him. Although he had managed to rest during the investigations, which was good. She did all the leg work for him, he couldn't do most of it anyway.

She helped him to his chair, and only left once she was sure he was settled. But not before giving his shoulder a light squeeze and giving him a tired smile. She also made sure to flash Kosami and smile on her way back, but it to was tired. She was... so tired. She had passed out in the bathroom not too long ago, sometime before the end of the investigation. She had managed to clean herself up though, which had been the plan so that was good.

Once she was at her spot she stayed quiet for some time. She wanted to watch this play out a bit first. She had a pretty good feeling she understood what went down, but she wasn't so sure about who it was. She had an idea, but it wasn't based in much. She wanted to watch everyone, see their reactions and place it against what she knew of them. Sadly of course for some of them it was barely anything.

But when Tarou started... something with Kisuke she perked up. But she stayed silent until after Joss had replied to Tarou. She didn't want to scare him off, yet, just for being upset with Kisuke. She leaned backwards so that Tarou could actually see her past Joss.

"Well I should certainly hope not, as Usokami-san's Captain I have no intentions of any harm coming to him from anyone." Something about her tone had a bit of bite to it. Not anger but more like a warning. She wanted him to know that if he was so much as thinking of paying him back she would not allow it. She'd had enough medical fiascos for a life time already.

She was happy to hear what the tool was though. Quickly she pulled her notebook out of her hoodie to add this new information. She did have something she had wanted to add to what Aiko said now that she got a look at the information again... but she could wait. 

[survivaldespair2-blog1]

Re'Ammin from a box? | Atenemhet | Trial 2 RE: current conversation, esp Aiko

Not unlike his arrival to the scene of the crime, Atenemhet was one of the last two to the trial as well. He again was using Kimiko for some support, still with clothes just as bloodstained as before, but this time he was walking more on his own, like he'd successfully been able to rest during the investigation (perhaps instead of actually doing much investigation). 

She helped him to the chair at his place between Kayu and Kosami, and as last time, he turned towards the Benefactors, dipped his head, and said something in Arabic before turning back to the others, one hand briefly pressed to his side. 

He sat quietly for several minutes, trying to follow the conversation. Books and dolls and electrocution and some hot dog looking thing... He just looked at the others, watching whoever was speaking at each moment.

"... I am not understanding, Ryuyo was stabbed by doll tool? And books, I was not to seen books but..." Atenemhet furrowed his brow, trying to concentrate. "What if nervous was about Ryuyo? I did not knowing him, though, but maybe it was."