#athomedads

[magicwrapswithmichelle]

So exciting!!!!! They are making it this much easier to get that 10,000 bonus!!! Ask me how!!! #askme #debtfree #athomemoms #athomedads #youcandoit

[thebigflip]

AT-HOME DADS TELL ALL!

Had fun going back in time to check out this at-home dads' luncheon we hosted while recruiting for the documentary. While much of the footage didn't make it into the rough cut, it would be a shame not to share the wonderful moments that came up as these dads talk frankly about the rewards and challenges of being an at-home dad.

The Big Flip is a documentary-in-making that explores the triumphs and struggles of families where the wife wins the bread and the husband mans the home. Find out more at bigflipdocumentary.com/

[thebrowngothamite]

My Friend Lorne

Lorne Jaffe is my friend. He has become a good friend, in fact, since we first met a few years ago. During a time of major transition in my life, Lorne has stepped up in ways that many who were my friends did not and have not. For that, I am grateful. He has supported my work and personal reinvention into a writer, parenting advocate, and at home father. For that, I am grateful. He has recommended me for several opportunities, one of which was the Blogger Spotlight at the 2015 Dad 2.0 Summit. He even wore a shirt with my website's logo, The Brown Gothamite, to my reading! For that, I am grateful. He has reminded me that friends must support one another. For that, I am grateful.

Lorne and I are pretty similar, which is not surprising. We are both at home fathers. We both have young biracial daughters. We both love pop culture.  

Lorne and I are also quite different, and that's cool. Being exactly the same isn't always fun. He's white. I'm black. He's from Queens. I'm from Manhattan. He likes the Yankees. I don't. 

There is another difference. Lorne is clinically depressed. He doesn't hide this fact as he writes about it at raisingsienna.com. He struggles with not only his depression, but the perception that exists about depression, especially in regards to men. Too many believe that men are not supposed to be depressed. It's a sign of weakness and makes someone less of a man. But Lorne has told me and others often eloquently, sometimes with brutal honesty, that depression is an illness and not a choice. 

We have spoken about the importance of redefining masculinity. I can say without any hesitation. Lorne's definition of masculinity works for me. He is a great father and husband and embraces the responsibilities that come with those roles. He is concerned about his daughter's future. He is unabashedly loyal to his friends. In the short time that I've known him, Lorne has shown me what strength and resolve are. It takes great strength for my friend to step onto a stage for a workshop discussing depression. It takes great strength to share his story in front of a national audience. It takes great strength to admit you might need help. People should understand their limitations. It takes great strength to be a parent and husband while dealing with depression.   

You see, I have seen what his depression can do to him. It is difficult to witness, because I want to help him and a hug isn't enough. Supportive statements aren't enough. Patience is, however, essential. As challenging as it might be for someone like me to witness, it is considerably more challenging for Lorne to endure. What I have realized is that what I can do to help him is not tell him what he needs to do to. As his friend, I need to let him guide me and tell me what he needs. What is important for someone like me who doesn't deal with depression is to find ways to support my friend. To better educate not only me, but to also better inform my friends and family. I am learning so much from Lorne and know that my knowledge is still developing. 

What I know now is that I would take a Lorne Jaffe as a friend any day over a friend with an antiquated view of masculinity. Although I will most likely never know just how Lorne's depression feels, what I can offer him as a friend is my time, patience, and willingness to learn. 

Lorne Jaffe is my friend, and he continues to change my life for the better.

To learn more about depression and men, please view the following links. 

postpartummen.com

raisingsienna.com

mantherapy.org

[thebrowngothamite]

My Appearance on Melissa Harris-Perry or The Brown Gothamite in #Nerdland

I had the absolute pleasure of appearing on MSNBC's Melissa Harris-Perry  as part of a panel discussing childcare in the U.S. on her 1/24/15 episode. I have been an admirer of her work for years, so I was quite excited to participate and share my perspective as an at home parent to this crucial conversation. It was also my first time on live TV. Check out the two segments beneath the screenshot.

The cost of childcare a ‘no-win’ situation?

Melissa Harris-Perry’s guests look at why some parents are now paying more for child care than they are for their mortgage and what can be done about it.

America has a childcare crisis

President Obama argued that high-quality child care ultimately benefits not just individual families, but the entire nation. MHP’s guests look at various proposals and the challenges providers face.

[thebrowngothamite]

What? Your Brown Gothamite Was Profiled in Real Simple Magazine!

A few months ago, I found out through the NYC Dads Group that Real Simple Magazine was planning an article on stay at home dads. Although I knew it was a major magazine, when I found out that my wife and mother love it, I knew I had to pursue it. So, I reached out to the writer doing the piece, shared my story and a picture of my family. And, I waited. I certainly didn't expect to hear back from the magazine. Then, I did. I was actually in a restaurant in New Oxford, PA in July having lunch with my ladies, my mother-in-law, and my "aunt-in-law". I happened to check my e-mail and there it was. An e-mail from the reporter saying I was part of a handful of at home fathers they were to profile in a fall edition of the magazine. What? Yeah, we were pretty excited. I even had a bacon donut to celebrate. (Don't knock it 'till you try it.) So, there was a phone interview that included my wife, Jenelle and a photo shoot with Henry Leutwyler who published a book of photos of Michael Jackson artifacts and photographed Misty Copeland (so, Camilla loved him). There was a moment when we found out that the dads being profiled were reduced to 3, but I was still one of them! The process was really fun and interesting. We even had a fact checker who read parts of the article to Jenelle and me to make sure we were accurately profiled. We thought so. I hope you will check out the November 2014 Real Simple for my profile and the profile of two other great at home dads. What an honor to have been a part of this project and the continued efforts to spread awareness of the SAHD movement. It is pretty surreal to have my voice and story be included in all of this. It has been one wild week for your Brown Gothamite.