Burning bridges
Summary: Aang has a nightmare about the first time he firebent, and the last time he physically hurt Katara.
Word count: 3,511
Author's note: This idea came to me after I'd rewatched "The Deserter" this February. Sometimes I too have woken up in the morning after seeing a weird, or a bad dream. On rare occasions, I start shedding tears because either I remember what I saw and it really disturbed me mentally, or I remember the (sad) feeling that I got from seeing it. So I just pictured Aang waking up in the middle of the night and frantically trying to grab Katara's hands in the dark to check for the burns, only to end up realizing it was nothing but a bad dream. Set postwar, somewhere around the events prior to or after "Imbalance", I imagined. Tears were shed while writing this.
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He'll never forget that shriek. That piercing sound that made his heart sink into his boots. The feeling of losing everything he'd worked so hard on building up from scratch ever since they'd met. If she didn't wanna leave him behind after he'd hidden the map that showed the location of her father, then this would certainly be the end of their friendship.
He'd attacked her. His recklessness had caused physical harm to her. It wasn't on purpose, but that didn't matter anymore. Her crouched figure on the riverbank right in front of him spoke otherwise. He'd screwed up, badly.
"Katara! I'm so sorry!" Aang exclaimed. But sorry didn't take away the unbearable pain that she felt coursing through the fresh blood-red stripes on her hands. He airbended himself across the river and softly landed right next to her on the shore.
She was crying. Aang didn't know what to do except stand there and watch her suffer. He was too afraid to say or do anything else, in case he'd hurt her even more. It was all because of his impatience in the first place. Caution must be the key.
"It was an accident. Katara, I'm so sorry!"
He tried to excuse his actions. She needed to know he didn't mean for this to happen. He squatted closer to her to have a look at the damage he had done. But Katara turned her back towards him. He felt like drowning into the shallow river in front of them.
Aang attempted to approach her from another angle, but she kept turning away from him. Her arms were securely crossed over her stomach, hiding the shameful redness that pulsated through her palms.
She'd managed to get herself up on her feet while he was busy running circles around her. She even tried to run away from him, but Aang couldn't let her go. Not like this.
"Katara, please, wait! I'm sorry! I wanna help you!"
He eventually caught up with her and stopped her in her tracks by standing in her way. She didn't seem to want to continue running, but she still balked at showing her hands. No matter how much he pleaded for her to let him help her, Katara shook her head and just continued crying.
Aang had a look around their surroundings and the limited resources. What could he use to heal burns? Some sort of tea leaves? Should he blow some cool air onto her skin? Then it hit him, or actually it splashed against his left boot when he stepped into a steeper part of the riverbank - water. He'd soothe it with water.
"Come here."
Somehow Katara didn't protest when he gently grabbed her shoulders and urged her to kneel down on the ground together with him. Aang reached for her arms on either side and slowly brought them closer to the river. He couldn't bear to look at her hands once she revealed them to him. He squeezed his eyes shut and simply dipped them into the river without looking.
He could practically hear her gritting her teeth together. Her trembling from the unpleasant contact between liquid and scorched tissue transmitted over to him through his own shaky hands. Had he gone too fast?
Katara heaved a sigh of relief and stopped writhing. Silence fell upon the pair, allowing the airbender to release a breath he'd been holding in for too long. Finally, the water started to work.
But then, something heavy fell against him. When Aang opened his eyes, he was surprised to see what the dead weight was.
"Katara?.. Katara!"
Her lifeless body had fallen against his side. He dragged her higher into his embrace, searching for any sign that would indicate why she'd fainted. If that's what'd even happened. But before he could do anything, his attention was caught by something else.
The river in front of them started to turn crimson from the spot he'd laid her hands in, and the source came from her burns. The bloody water spread quickly throughout the entire river, even upstream, like it was sucking the life right out of her. He didn't firebend an open wound into Katara's hands, did he? She couldn't have lost so much blood.
At the same time, the sky grew dim and everything around them turned gray, with the same bloody colour eventually engulfing the sun and turning it completely red. It was as if the lunar eclipse dawned upon them.
Aang could feel his heart pounding against his chest. The darkness threatened to swallow them alive. Only the blood-red river and sun, or was it the moon, cast some sort of light into their world. He held onto Katara for dear life, whispering pleas to her as tears rolled down his cheeks. Anything that would help him undo this mess.
"Please, Katara, wake up! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry..."
Suddenly, everything became pitch-black. Did he just pull another all-powerful Avatar move and make the sun disappear from the sky? Where did the forest and the tainted river go? More importantly, where did Katara go? She was right there in his arms!
Aang turned around and startled when he met her face just inches away from his own. She was unconscious, lying on her left side, facing him. Oh no... Was his firebending more deadly than he'd imagined?
Her hands, he had to find them and heal them somehow. He instantly caught one near her face, and by tracing her bare arm, he found the other one resting above her hip. He twisted her wrists a little bit in order to see her palms. But to his surprise, there were.. no burns?
Aang blinked several times in disbelief. He tenderly ran his fingertips over her hands, grazing the edges of her palms and straightening each of her clenched fingers to examine the inner parts. There really were no burns, no angry scars, no smell of burnt flesh.. nothing. Merely soft, peach-scented skin from when she'd washed her hands before bedtime.
Bedtime, he remembered. He was in such a severe daze that he hadn't even realized it'd all been a horrible nightmare. Except that, a couple of years ago, parts of it had been a painful reality. But right now, Aang didn't know which one caused him more heartache.
He found himself unable to swallow the lump in his throat, which forced him to weep instead. He clasped Katara's hands and covered his face with them to hide away from the world. Nobody could witness him expressing his sorrow behind that protective curtain.
Unfortunately, a few sobs escaped his throat. He tried to hold them in, but it was enough to disturb his girlfriend's peaceful slumber. Katara, still half-asleep, yawned and opened her eyes to look at him, hidden between her own ten fingers.
"Aang.. what's wrong?"
A shiver ran down his spine. He wanted to jump out of bed and run away at the sound of her voice, just like she'd done in his dream. So she wouldn't have to see him like this.
Maybe there was still a way he could salvage this situation. Aang took a deep, calming breath and gulped in order to get rid of his cracking voice.
"I'm sorry, I woke you up. Go back to sleep," he said in the most collected tone he could, after which he shut his eyes and pretended to fall asleep. Rolling over to his other side would've surely caused too much suspicion.
Katara groaned as she blinked a couple of times to get the sleep out of her eyes. She raised her head a little bit to get a good look at her boyfriend. She wouldn't have suspected a thing if she hadn't felt something wet drying up on both of her hands. It forced her awake from instinct.
Aang had to let go of her hands when she propped herself up on her elbow, the shadow of her looming over him. He peeked at her as she leaned in closer, barely noticing the streak that ran over his nose and down the side of his face. There was a damp circle near the spot where his right cheek was pressed into the pillow. He'd been caught teary-eyed. She frowned.
"But, sweetie.. you're crying."
Her finger tickled his nose when she attempted to wipe away his tears. Aang nuzzled his face against the pillow so she wouldn't see them. He dared to look her in the eye a moment later, when she wouldn't stop what she was doing. Katara tilted her head and gave him a soft smile.
"Please, Aang.. talk to me. What's going on?"
He slowly brought a hand up to her own and grabbed the back of her right hand one more time, moving it closer to his face. He had to be sure the burns were healed. Upon finding reassurance after another thorough look, he laced his fingers with hers and laid their entwined hands over his eyes once again. He started crying.
"I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry, Katara.." he repeated, suddenly finding it difficult to control his noisy breathing. She guessed that even airbenders couldn't win the battle against sadness sometimes.
Katara lay down opposite to him and nudged herself closer. One by one, she broke her fingers free from in between his own.
"Why are you sorry?"
She laid her hand above his and slid it down his dry cheek so she could see him. She wanted to see those grey eyes of his. To have a closer look at the storm that was raging in his mind. To calm the turbulent waters that didn't seem to stop and found their end on the pile of feathers underneath his head, drip by drip.
But Aang didn't have the heart to meet her halfway. She could sense the tension leave from the muscles on his face with each stroke she gifted him over his cheek. His knitted brows rose higher and he stopped squeezing his eyes shut with so much effort. At least he wasn't trying so hard to hide it anymore.
He opened his mouth, but the words remained lost in his throat. Until he stuttered.
"F-for hurting you."
Katara felt a bit lost.
"You didn't hurt me. When did that happen?"
She did have a point. If he didn't tell her what he was talking about, she wouldn't understand.
Aang breathed in and out deeply a couple of times, in order to calm down and cease his crying. So he could speak to her like a normal human being. He thought that the big sniff he took made her pity him even more. What could he possibly be worked up about so much?
"You know.. when I first tried to learn firebending."
Her mouth fell slightly agape similarly to his for a second, before she was reminded of where they were now.
"Sweetie, that was almost four years ago."
To her, it was ancient history. But to him, it seemed like it'd only been yesterday.
Aang felt her fingertips brush over his eyelashes repetitively. Her thumb slipped across his nose, wiping off fresh tears that wanted to find their way down onto the pillow. She was urging him to open his eyes and look at her. But.. how could he, after what he had done?
"Yes.. but I saw it happen again, tonight," he explained, ensuing a moment of silence, until everything started to make sense for his girlfriend.
"So that's why you're upset. You had a bad dream," she said sympathetically. It sounded so simple coming from her mouth, like it was no big deal. For him, it was one of the worst mistakes he'd ever made in his life. Aang finally opened his eyes.
"But it wasn't a bad dream. It really happened. I firebent at you. I burnt your hands."
His voice sounded full of regret. He cautiously took a hold of her hands once more, his fingers running along the wrinkles in her palm and the bent angles of her own slim fingers. She could feel them trembling a bit in his grasp.
"I know. And I forgave you. It was an accident."
She wasn't sure whether he was listening to her or not. Aang merely shook his head against the pillow, like he was denying the incident ever happening. Or he couldn't believe that she was so kind to him.
"I'm sorry," he repeated one last time.
Katara scooted over under the sheets and bumped her forehead against his own. She looped one arm over his shoulder and slithered her other hand below his chin. She held him close and made him look her in the eye.
"I forgive you, Aang. Do you hear me?"
A new wave of tears spilled over his face. He'd never felt so thankful. She always knew how to get him to open up to her.
However, he wasn't prepared for what she did next. Katara brought her hands back onto his face, firmly laying them on his cheeks. His tears trickled down the back of her hand, the one she'd squeezed in between the pillow and his cheek. He expected her to tell him to stop crying, that it's all in the past or something. But instead, she did the exact opposite. She let him cry.
"It's okay, Aang. Just let it all out."
He did. Aang felt like a heavy burden had been lifted off of his chest. He closed his eyes for a minute, taking all the time he felt he needed to weep.
Katara noticed him return her smile. She was so happy to be able to witness him make peace with this incident.
"Your tears are made of water, so in a way, you're healing on the inside, just as much as you're healing the old burns on my hands on the outside. Think of these as healing tears."
She could really feel him grinning into her palms now. Even though there were no burns evident on her hands anymore, he was still healing them by letting the tears from his eyes fall onto her skin.
That was water, the element she used to heal others, including herself. If he hadn't thought of crying as a healing process for both his mental being and her physical self before, he sure did now.
He lifted a hand above hers, softly guiding her thumb over his nose with the help of his own, teaching her how to wipe away his tears.
"You're so good, Katara. I don't know why nor what I've done to deserve you," he spoke softly, his gaze meeting her own. She thought that giving him a gentle nudge would've been inappropriate, given his delicate state. But she knew he wasn't supposed to be the one making her cry, too.
She blinked away the tears in the corners of her eyes. Aang felt her lips leave a wet kiss over his mouth. He tried to return it, but she spoke before he could.
"You didn't need to do anything to 'deserve' me," she murmured lovingly, then pressed her lips against his own more firmly, giving him a proper kiss this time.
Once she pulled away, Aang used the opportunity to dry off the last of his tears. He held her hand in his own, using her palm as a tissue to wipe his cheeks with. She grazed over any wet spots he'd missed with her fingertips.
When they were more or less dry, he grabbed both her hands again and brought each one to his lips, sealing them with a kiss in the middle of her palm. He knitted his brows.
"I'm really sorry for hurting you back then. I'd never do anything to hurt you ever again, I promise."
Katara ran a finger over the corner of his mouth, gently pulling it up into a smile. Oddly enough, she'd been smiling at him almost all this time.
"I know," she assured him. Her smile faded a bit when Aang averted his gaze. He still seemed a tad worried to her.
"Is there something else that's on your mind?"
He hesitated for a second, then nodded.
"Tell me," Katara pleaded. Her blue eyes grew wider when he reached his hand out for her own cheek this time. He hesitated for a second, afraid that his touch may leave another burn on her face, before he carefully lowered it. She followed his caresses with curiosity.
"I was just thinking.. when I firebent at you back then, you ran away. And you wanted to run away in my dream, too. If I did hurt you again, unintentionally.. would you stay by my side?"
He didn't expect her to answer in a heartbeat.
"Yes. Because you'd never hurt me, at least not intentionally. And even if you did, well.."
Aang's breath got caught in his throat for a second, but luckily she shook her head at that disturbing thought, which caused unease in both their stomachs. Did she really think that he..?
"No. You would never do that. And that's why I'd probably forgive you. I'd forgive you a thousand times if necessary, cause I know you wouldn't mean it. I know we'll have huge arguments and stuff like that as we grow older.. But no matter the reason, I would never leave you. I couldn't. If I left, then I'd be breaking my own, and your heart, too."
Katara tenderly laced her fingers with his and picked up his hand from her cheek, lowering it to her chest. Once again, she sensed a bit of resistance before Aang allowed her to let him touch her.
She pressed his palm against there, right above her beating heart. If that didn't convince him, she didn't know what would.
"I love you, Aang. And I'm not gonna leave you behind. Not now, not ever."
The airbender let his fingers run along the cottony fabric while his focus remained on her words. If she was lying, according to Toph, he should be able to sense some sort of physical reaction. But he couldn't detect anything like that.
A tremble? Katara's body language showed that she was utterly relaxed around him. Perhaps wanting to look away and lock her gaze on something different? No, she maintained eye contact with him, even when he was looking somewhere else other than straight into her blue eyes.
Were her cheeks blushing? It didn't look like it. Aang wasn't sure since he couldn't tell in the darkness, but she still wore that warm smile. That much he could see.
Did her heart skip a beat when she talked to him? No, the subtle vibrations thumping against his palm and fingertips showed no sign of fear of being caught in a lie. A lying person's heartbeat would've been drumming away a lot faster than that. Hers was steady and strong. Out of love, not fear.
The corners of Aang's mouth curled into a smile. He slowly clenched his fingers back into a fist, like he wanted to grab Katara's heart and protect it from all the hurt it'd gone through, and will go through in the future. But he didn't need to worry about that. Cause she wouldn't leave him behind.
"Never?"
"Never," she assured him once more, sealing her promise with another kiss on his lips. The airbender remained lingering over everything that was said, his finger softly scratching the cloth covering her chest. Katara gifted him with a couple of more strokes along his now-dried-up cheek to soothe him.
"Enough dwelling on the past, okay, sweetie? Don't you remember what you learned after we saved that fisherman and his wife from that storm? We can't change what's already been, so let's stop worrying about it, and focus on our shared future instead. We're here now, so let's make the most of it. Shape it the way we want it to be, together."
Okay, so Aang still knew her well enough. She'd simply left the comforting wisdom part to the end. He had to admit, her optimistic and forward-looking attitude did manage to cheer him up. He gave her a grateful smile.
"Thank you, Katara."
He tickled her chest by drawing a heart shape above the lilac pyjama she was wearing. The sensation prompted her to chuckle before she brought a finger to her lips and hushed him.
"Now, sleep.."
Aang heeded her advice and nuzzled his nose into his pillow. She swayed her hand in front of his face, like a mother telling her child to close his eyes and rest. He played along and shut his eyes on cue. A minute or two later, when he was already drifting away towards a much more peaceful slumber, he felt something warm smoothly crawl over his face.
Katara kept her hands close. One of them was tucked below his chin while the other one sprawled out over his cheek. This way, he didn't have to worry about burning her hands again. She was holding onto him this time, and she wouldn't let go.
