Summary: Tav gets a new hat, Astarion decides he wants it.
Characters: Tav(he/him), Astarion
Word Count: 905
A/N: My first writing post and it's ler!Astarion – or should I say, Ler-starion 💀. This Tav is based off my human bard who I've written many (secret) drabbles and fics for in BG3. I will try to post them in the future, maybe save them for a writing challenge? Who knows!
Thank you @atnightiscream for the inspiration you left me on my Astarion headcanon post! This is for you and all the other Ler-starion folks out there! Enjoy!
With another adventure under his belt, Tav retired to his tent to put away his new treasure: a new shiny hat. It was formally a wizard’s hat but had such elegant gold and violet trim speckled with an assortment of tiny, colorful gems that Tav had to take it. This must be a gift from the gods! He thought as he carefully set the hat into his treasure chest. I can’t wait to use it during my next performance!
Smiling proudly, Tav turned around only to be greeted by Astarion. The bard squawked and jumped back, almost tripping over his treasure chest. When did he get here?!
Astarion smirked, “has anyone ever told you that you sound like a crow in heat when you’re frightened?”
“Has anyone ever told you that you’re a pompous prick?” Tav retorted.
“All the time, darling,” Astarion sighed and made a show of inspecting his nails. “Now if you don’t mind, may I see our spoils from our last encounter? That wizard, as vile as he was, had to have something worth–”
“–you’re not taking the hat, Astarion.” Tav said immediately.
Astarion scoffed, “why would I want that gaudy thing?” Tav knew better. The pale elf was clearly feigning disinterest, he could hear it in his voice…
“Because you’ve already emptied my pockets of all the gold and jewelry we found along with it!” Tav made a show of turning out his pockets, not at all shocked to see that they were empty. “Aha! See?!”
Astarion rolled his eyes, “noticed, did you?” He shook his head. “I must be losing my touch.”
“Don’t forget that I grew up in the Lower City…” Tav pulled out a ring from a pocket on his doublet. “So naturally, I picked up a few things.” He grinned at Astarion. “What’s wrong, darling? Missing something?”
Astarion looked at his own hand, appalled to see one of his rings were missing, the very ring in Tav’s hand. He scowled at the bard, “you’re making this harder than it needs to be, Tav dear.” He then stepped forward, cracking his knuckles. “Hand over the hat and the ring right now and I might be merciful,” he threatened before wiggling his fingers at Tav to show his intentions, grinning with fangs in plain sight.
Tav’s eyes widened, the smugness completely drained from his face. Oh no, not that… “Now Astarion, l-let’s be reasonable about this…” He said, eyes darting around the tent for a way out. If only he hadn’t used the last of his spells that day…
Astarion chuckled. “Reason flew off the table the instant you stole from me, darling.” Without further explanation, Astarion’s hands lunged for Tav.
Tav yelped, tripping over the treasure chest. He was already crawling away as soon as he fell but wasn’t quick enough. Astarion had grabbed his sides, pulling him back along the tent floor so he could straddle him. The poor bard shrieked. “WAIT! ASTARION!” But the nimble rogue had already slide his hands under the bard’s doublet.
“This will teach you to rob me of all people! Your dear friend and confidant: Astarion! Oh, how could you?” Astarion said with no shortage of dramatic flair as he began scribbling wildly all over Tav’s belly and sides.
“Nahahahahaha!” Tav instantly cackled while struggling to push Astarion’s hands out and away with no luck. “A-Astarion! Plehehehease! Stahahahap!”
Astarion clearly ignored him, choosing to squeeze and dig into Tav’s rib cage next, rendering the bard helpless with wheezing laughter. “Mercy! Hahahahave mercy!” Tav pleaded, his face reddening the harder he laughed.
“Only if you swear to give me your hat and my ring back.” Astarion moved to pinch the bard’s sides next and leaned forward with a devious glint in his red eyes. “If you don’t, I’ll summon Karlach. Surely she’d love to give me a hand.”
Tav whimpered and shook his head frantically. No, not Karlach! The last time these two idiots tickled him together, he nearly fainted!
“I swear!” Tav wheezed, “I swear! The hat–it’s yours!”
“And the ring?”
Tav raised the hand that still clutched the ring in his palm, trembling with laughter. “Yes! Gods! P-Pleheheease! No mohohohohore!”
“Oh, all right,” Astarion finally stopped tickling Tav and took back his ring before standing up and off him.
Tav covered his flushed face with his arms and curled up, embarrassed and panting.
“If I were you, I’d hurry it up.” Astarion poked Tav’s side with his boot, making them squeak. “Karlach looked rather bored last I saw.”
That was enough to get Tav scrambling towards his treasure chest, grab the hat and thrust it at Astarion. “Damn you,” he cursed under his breath.
“Ah! That’s better.” The vampire spawn giggled as he set the hat atop his head then turned to pose in front of Tav’s mirror, despite not having a reflection. “How do I look?”
“Like an owlbear’s ass,” Tav replied dryly.
“Save those insults for battle, my dear,” Astarion turned on his heel towards the tent’s exit. “Anyway, don’t you worry your little head, I’ll return it after I’ve had my fun,” he remarked with a wink. As the tent flapped behind Astarion, Tav could hear him call out, “Gale? Oh Gale, darling! Notice anything different about me?”
Tav leaned back against his treasure chest and hung his head. Of course that dirty villain didn’t actually want his hat, he just wanted an excuse to humiliate Tav… again…
Spring was just coming to an end when the tree whispered to Nemo: Valencia. The little tree spirit squealed with delight before drifting towards her next destination.
A new season of stories await…
The tree spirit found that the land of Valencia was rich with story. Elves, faeries, dragons… were only a sampling of the kinds of mythical folk that resided here. Amidst it all, were kingdoms in turmoil, friendships strained, and countless lives lost to that age old enemy of mortals: greed.
The tree first led Nemo to a dragon lord, a magnificent being who could take many forms at will, both of a mortal and draconian nature. As usual, the spirit found that the dragon lord was not as he seemed. So she waited in the safety of her otherworldly glamor for the lord to reveal the piece of himself that drew the Laughing Tree to this land.
Lord Dimitri was a powerful and steadfast leader of his land who beneath his tough exterior, cared deeply for his subjects… enough that, at times, he could be playful with them.
Nemo giggled the first time she witnessed a scene where the lord had caught one servant in particular, Crow, trying to prank him with magic. The servant cackled uncontrollably as her liege tickled under her arms and again her sides with his claws using the very gentlest touch. Eventually he let her go, holding her carefully as to ensure she didn’t fall and scolding her with a gruff chuckle. The tree spirit sighed contentedly, knowing both found the experience equally mirthful.
Once Dimitri left Crow to her duties, Nemo noticed pixies following after him, but he didn’t seem to mind. They seemed to be jovial in their movement, giving off a bright green glow, similar to some of the lord’s own scales. Feeling mischievous, Nemo glided towards each pixie, touching them with her inspiration.
The pixies then descended upon the dragon lord, buzzing around him in a frenzy. At first he seemed angry as he tried to shoo them away without hurting them. But then Nemo heard him chuckle again and again until he was overcome with full belly laughter. The pixies tickled at his ears, neck, sides and under his arms. They danced around his shoulder blades as well close to his wings. And when one went under his chin, he howled with even more laughter.
Nemo found the scene to be incredibly endearing and a perfect story to bring home to the Laughing Tree. Furthermore, she learned that in the realm of Valencia, even dragons could be ticklish.
A/N: Stepping away from my hiatus briefly to share @atnightiscream's OC with you all: Dimitri. Exo was one of the first to interact with my blog since I’ve created it and has since then become one of my good friends. We share a mutual love for fantasy and have a similar brand of humor. I can always count on her to make me laugh!
Thank you for your friendship and support Exo, it means a lot. 🫂
