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Something was wrong. Fred felt Hazel exploding with anger, like he hadn't felt in years - not since they'd had to keep the flying target - HIS flying target - in the air and out of government hands.
"Hazel, honey? What's going on? You just shattered every one of my scales for anger, and you don't GET that angry. Do you need me to meet you on our Flying Target? Or in your kitchen?"
When Hazel gets home, the sound of Fred's singing is coming from the speakers.
And I said Bounce a graviton particle beam off the main deflector dish That's the way we do things lad, we're making shit up as we wish The Klingons and the Romulans they pose no threat to us 'Cause if we find we're in a bind --we're totally screwed but never mind-- We'll pull something out of our be-hiiiiinds The voice of Captain Kirk says, "What does God need with a starship?" We just make some shit up
"Yeah, Dad's in the lab," David says. "He's apparently inspired. Or something." After a short pause, he lets out a sigh of relief. "Oh good. He didn't switch to the song I was afraid he would."
Meanwhile, the singing changed to something entirely different.
Welcome to my secret lair on Skullcrusher Mountain I hope that you've enjoyed your stay so far I see you've met my assistant Scarface His appearance is quite disturbing But I assure you he's harmless enough He's a sweetheart, calls me master And he has a way of finding pretty things and bringing them to me
"Oh! Hi, Hazel!" Hel smiled and waved from the kitchen. "Daddy's in a good mood. Must have found some inspiration, huh? Anyway, I was working on something. Want to see?"
Thread continued from here
“So it seems.” He laughed and shifted to something more appropriate than a lab coat, then gave her an Innocent(tm) look and asked, “Do I really get distracted that much when you wear something that shows off how lovely you are?”
It had been a day. A gremlin had somehow gotten lost in the kitchen instead of engineering, and had wreaked havoc on operations until Hazel had found it and dispatched it with an agreement that it could only have brownies if it didn't do anything in her kitchen that would interfere with the ability of her or her people to make the brownies - or anything else. Taking care of the gremlin hadn't been nearly the headache that writing the report had been, though. How do you explain making a deal with a gremlin when you're neither an engineer nor one of the Unnaturals? By the end of the day, all Hazel wanted was to go home, kick off her shoes, and relax with a glass of wine, cuddles, and maybe a mindless movie.
When she got home, she stepped into... gleaming white everything, from the white shag carpet on the floor to the white walls and ceiling, to the white pod chairs where there should have been comfortable easy chairs, to the white globe-shaped hanging lamps. Even the hunchbacked re-animate butler (since when did they have a butler, let alone one stitched together out of body parts?) was dressed in a white Nehru jacket.
"The Master will see you now." That was definitely David's voice coming from the hunchback, and he sounded as if he were about to burst with something that made him want to laugh.
The butler turned and led the way through the living room, down a gleaming white hallway that had something wandering it that looked like a pony with the head of a monkey, to a white "Star Trek" style pocket door. The door opened on an enormous office, just as white as the rest of the place, with a desk large enough to embed a swimming pool in, and three walls that looked out on the interior of an active volcano. On the other side of the desk was a chair, large enough to hide whoever was sitting in it when it was turned away from the door, as it was now.
Fred's voice came from the intercom speakers, singing.
"Welcome to my secret lair on Skullcrusher Mountain I hope that you've enjoyed your stay so far I see you've met my assistant Scarface (David made the hunchback give Hazel a vacant, 'hello lady' smile) His appearance is quite disturbing But I assure you he's harmless enough He's a sweetheart, calls me master And he has a way of finding pretty things and bringing them to me"
The chair spun to face her, and Fred was in it, dressed in a white satin Nehru jacket, with a white collie pup on his lap where there should have been a white Persian cat.
"Oh, and I'm so into you But I'm way too smart for you Even my henchmen think I'm crazy (David nodded enthusiastically) I'm not surprised that you agree If you could find some way to be A little bit less afraid of me You'd see the voices that control me from inside my head Say I shouldn't kill you yet"
Fred rose, set Harry down on the desk, and Harry darted across the desk, tail wagging frantically, yipping "Mom Mom Mom!" like he was having way too much fun.
"1I made this half-pony, half-monkey monster to please you (The pony with the monkey's head trotted into the room) But I get the feeling that you don't like it What's with all the screaming? You like monkeys, you like ponies Maybe you don't like monsters so much Maybe I used too many monkeys Isn't it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you?"
Fred walked around the desk, arms thrown wide as if he were showing off his secret lair.
"Oh, and I'm so into you But I'm way too smart for you Even my henchmen think I'm crazy (David twirled a finger next to his head) I'm not surprised that you agree If you could find some way to be A little bit less afraid of me You'd see the voices that control me from inside my head Say I shouldn't kill you yet"
The image through the office windows changed, to an underwater view, with a gold-colored Supermarionation submarine dangling on its wires as it moved from one side of the view to the other.
"Picture the two of us alone inside my golden submarine While up above the waves my doomsday squad ignites the atmosphere And all the fools who lead their foolish lives may find it quite explosive Well it won't mean half as much to me if I don't have you here"
The image of the lava-churning crater returned to the windows.
"You know it isn't easy living here on Skullcrusher Mountain Maybe you could cut me just a little slack Would it kill you to be civil? I've been patient, I've been gracious And this mountain is covered with wolves Hear them howling, (Fen's voice came from the intercom, muttering, "Do I have to?" Hel's voice whispered, "Dad's doing it for Hazel." "Oh. OK. Howl. Howl, I say, howl.") my hungry children Maybe you should stay and have another drink and think about me and you" A glass of wine appeared in Fred's hand, and he offered it to Hazel.
"Oh, and I'm so into you But I'm way too smart for you Even my henchmen think I'm crazy I'm not surprised that you agree If you could find some way to be A little bit less afraid of me You'd see the voices that control me from inside my head Say I shouldn't kill you yet I shouldn't kill you yet I shouldn't kill you... Yet"
Fred studied Hazel with a barely-suppressed smile.
Valentine’s Morning
::a platter of jewel-like handmade chocolates is on the kitchen counter with a little card that reads “For all my Valentines!”::
One of the newest members of the kitchen staff knocked on Hazel’s office door with a disturbed look on his face. “Um, ma'am? I know the science crew is a little weird, but I don’t think even Dr. Banner drinks THAT MUCH coffee in one sitting. Besides, I’ve never seen this guy before.” He gestured uncertainly toward the seating area. “He’s sitting there, eating some coffee cake and drinking out of a half-gallon mug that has ‘I <3 Caffeine’ printed on the side. Umm… what do we do?”
Hazel kept typing into the tracking spreadsheet, glancing up to the little mirror that lived on the corner of her monitor, eyeing the newbie. As he explained, her crooked brow smoothed and she grinned, chuckling quietly. “Dr. Banner isn’t allowed that much coffee. Any more. And…I suspect I know who that is, he’s fine. I’ll be out to deal with him in a moment, just go back to your station, okay? It’s fine.”
She walked out a few minutes later, true to her word, and grinned as she approached the table where the man sat with his coffee and cake. “Trying to test my new crew?”
"Um, Mom? I think you might want to do something to ground Dad when he gets back on planet. He's out blowing up asteroids right now, but he's going to need some grounding when he gets home. He just helped Maria take care of a missing LMD problem, and he's a little broken right now."
David sounded worried. Then again, 'a little broken' when dealing with Fred could be bad.
“Fox” by Louie Lorry
