#audrey evans.

[96buzz-a]

BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ!‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎FT.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎AUDREY EVANS AND J.ACKIE TAYLOR.

[96buzz-a]

AUDREY EVANS,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ALLIE STEVENS,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎AND THE NUMBER 11.

When Audrey got welcomed onto the Wiskayok Yellowjackets as a freshman,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎she was given the number 11.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎This number was usually given to freshman welcomed onto the varsity team,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎if there were any.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎Audrey got welcomed onto the team in 1992,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎and remained the only freshman welcomed onto the varsity team...‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎until Allie Stevens.

Audrey was not allowed to re-tryout for the 1995-1996 season,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎but her mother required her to continue participating in the team‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎(an agreement made between Coach Martinez,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎Coach Ben,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎and Audrey's mom to take care of her mental health).‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎Following tryouts,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎Coach Martinez pulled Audrey into his office and informed her that her number,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎the jersey that she cared so deeply for,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎was going to Allie Stevens.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎Audrey knew that her number was going to someone else,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎it only made sense given the fact that she was no longer on the team,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎but when he told her that her legacy would continue!‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎The number 11 was going to a freshman!‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎She became angry.

Audrey was naturally cold to the team,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎her senior year.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎Quiet,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎she sat on the sidelines and tried not to be too involved,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎much to her mother's displeasure.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎For Allie,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎on the other hand,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎she was mean,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎short.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎It was a point she was making,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎a big:‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎fuck you for taking this shit from me.

When Allie broke her leg,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎Audrey was not upset in the slightest,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎in fact she saw it as a blessing.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎Compared to when Audrey was let on the team,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎Allie was much weaker than she ever was.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎She also could not imagine her taking Audrey's dream.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎Nationals was all Audrey wanted,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎and she failed to bring her team to win states due to her being benched the previous year.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎Allie wasn't getting to steal the thunder,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎and at the very least:‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎she was happy.

Had Allie been on the plane,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎Audrey for sure wouldn't go.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎It already took leagues of convincing and subtle hint droppings from Coach Ben for her to even consider it‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎(plus,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎her mother pleaded...‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎and Audrey truly did love her mom),‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎but that was no longer a problem.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎Allie wasn't going,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎and fuck it!‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎A free ride on a private plane?‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎In what world would she get that opportunity again?‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎All she had to do was avoid the rest of the team,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎sit by herself.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎She always loved plane rides to South Carolina to see her dad's family...

Then the plane crashes.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎Allie is at home recovering from a broken boon and Audrey is stranded in the woods with only a weeks worth of pain meds and salt tablets.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎She looks to Ben and sees the man who convinced her to come on the plane,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎she thinks of Allie and thinks of the girl who was supposed to be in her place.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎How ugly was her envy?‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎So ugly that it brought her joy when it was squandered.‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎She no longer envied the girl whose bone stuck out from her leg,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎because Audrey never failed like that,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎she was always a strong player from day one,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎so much so that the seniors on the team with her appreciated her abilities.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎Allie was a failure,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎Audrey was a success story,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎yet only one was stranded in the woods.

[96buzz-a]

PROMPT,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎"IT'S TOO LATE AND TOO HOT."

"Oh my god."‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎Annoyance,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎said purposefully loud enough for @warpainte to hear,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎drips from her tongue.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎The cabin sits empty,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎even Ben gone to bathe in the water‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎(the main reason she stayed behind,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎give her time to be in a space that is not occupied by the one she accuses silently in her gaze),‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎leaving behind only the ex captain and the number ten.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎She lowers herself to the ground,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎uncomfortably moving to rest her back up against the wood that holds them all hostage.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎In her mind,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎she whispers a line of obscenities:‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎fuck her for wanting alone time right?

One would think out here,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎in the wilderness so full of open and empty narrows and brushes,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎she'd be able to take time away...‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎away from the team that serves as a constant reminder of the power she once had.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎How it all fades so fast,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎and even then she almost laughs.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎She once thought that being kicked to the bench was the worst thing in the world.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎Look at her now,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎sat in the hot hell hole that is Dead Man's cabin with Mikayla fucking Desousa.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎"Wouldn't the water make it less hot or whatever?‎"‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎In her own words:‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎wouldn't leaving be so much better than being stuck here with me?

[96buzz-a]

PROMPT,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎"I WAS SAVED BUT FOR WHAT."

This line of questioning has never lead anyone to places worthy of their time:‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎countless nights she's spent sat up thinking about it,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎about them,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎about the all consuming nature of her friends and the ravenous desire they had to survive.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎If pushed,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎if compelled by a greater force,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎she could admit some truth‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎(a truth not yet shared with @90svan,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎because of the constant what ifs...‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎what if they didn't feel the same way,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎what if they didn't look at her anymore,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎stopped picking up her calls):‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎she misses it.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎Not always,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎and maybe not now,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎sitting on the phone with Van knowing that for better of for worse,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎they lived,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎they both lived.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎"I don't know."‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎It's a simple admission,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎and she wishes she could answer with a verbal admission of everything great that Van is now‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎(and she could,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎there's much to say:‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎from humor to comfort to an honest sense of self that Audrey was constantly in awe of)‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎but what good could that give them?

In the woods,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎they had meaning:‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎they as in the both of them,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎acolytes that made them feel meaningful in an arena where little could have mattered.

"I couldn't have made it afterwards if you weren't saved."‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎It's a promise of sorts,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎and she pulls her knees up to her chest,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎toes tucked beneath her on her couch‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎(a very lonely room,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎only one light on and the darkness of the world around her seeping through open blinds).‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎"There are no bad reasons for your survival.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎You made it here for whatever reason at all."‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎She pauses.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎"Sometimes we get shit for no good reason,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎and its confusing."‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎But is it bad that some part of her,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎some part silently sitting in the pit of her stomach,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ravaging parts of her like girlhood did years ago...‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎she tells it:‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎be silent,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎it's not about you right now.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎"I'm glad you were saved."

[96buzz-a]

PROMPT,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎"YOU LOOK LIKE HELL."

She almost chuckles,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎if only she weren't so tired.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎So instead she offers @90svan the small upturn of the corner of her lip.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎"You have no right to talk,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎you look like shit too."‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎It's her best attempt at a joke,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎one that doesn't land and immediately squeezes her near empty stomach in knots.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎A gentle hand‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎(one that mimics the caring touch her mother used to give her during each doctors appointment)‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎moves to brush a piece of their hair from their face.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎In doing so she reveals more of the blood stained makeshift bandages:‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎in it,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎is an offering of choice.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎Half the team cowers away,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎the gore being too much to handle on borderline starvation,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎but Audrey doesn't mind.

She wouldn't mind if it were anyone else,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎and she certainly doesn't mind because it's Van.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎She needs them.

"I'm sorry,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎I wasn't trying to be a bitch."‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎And now her features soften,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎a brush of her thumb over the crown of Van's hairline.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎"Do you need anything?"‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎She keeps her voice quiet,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎a whisper to savor it between themselves.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎The team's perception of her shifted and faded,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎from worship to loss to disappointment,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎now she remains only as a reminder,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎one more mouth to feed.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎They don't need to hear this of which is only theirs.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎"You look great,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎much better than me."

[96buzz-a]

i really like to think that ben liked audrey and cared about her. she was a good captain, she didn't party, she was strong at controlling her team, and she was just overall a nice kid. audrey also appreciated having a mentor of sorts, someone who appreciated her talents and recognized the hard work that went into becoming team captain as a junior. which makes it all the more sad that she blames him almost exclusively for her being on that plane, considering she doesn't know her mother asked him to convince her to go. it also makes her wanting to cannibalize him that much more painful because she really did appreciate who he was to her until she didn't.

[96buzz-a]

BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ!‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎FT.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎AUDREY EVANS.