#august nano

[hitchhikingthroughthegalaxy]

I don't know what it is, but Tumblr never wants to load for me, anymore. x.x

And I finished CampNaNo, so now it's just irritating.  x.x

[ntebook]

Cirrus: excerpt 05

After the cart had trundled out of sight, Cirrus stopped waving and turned toward the shack. Instead of entering, he walked around it, instead walking to the edge of his hilltop and settling on the slope that faced the sea. The grass cushioned his sore body better than the stone of the cliff could have done, and he relaxed into it and breathed deeply.

“What a day,” he huffed to no one but himself. Cirrus took a few moments to enjoy the fresh air and the quiet; it was a beautiful day, even if it had been overcast all day (as it usually was this time of year). He really did love this country.

He glanced at his arm, where the bare-skin-that-should-not-be-there peeked out around the edge of his too-short sleeves. There had to some trick, he decided, something he was not grasping. It was right there within his reach, if only he could find the right trigger…

Closing his eyes, Cirrus searched his mind again for that soft click. He had no idea what he was doing, and it took a good twenty minutes before things started to form in his head. This time there was no click, but he knew all the same that something was happening, changing, inside of him. He felt a shift in the back of his mind, and this shifting thing pulsed gently as he took hold of it, welcoming his touch.

His eyes snapped open in surprise, and the feeling faded; not completely, as if the door had been closed altogether, but perhaps only left slightly ajar. The pulse was faint and distant now, waiting patiently for him to let it back in. Eagerly he obliged and the shifting thing met him, curled around his mind and held him close. They were meant to be together, and now both of them knew it.

Cirrus flexed his fingers. Apart from the warm pressure in his head, he did not feel any different. What had he just done? He wondered if he had unleashed something terrible, but at the same time he could not imagine that this gentle, pleasant feeling could lead to anything but good. He felt more complete than he ever had before, but there was still a part of him that longed for something else. A void he had not known existed had been filled, at least partially, but with dissipating emptiness came the realization that it was not enough. There was something more, something else he needed, to be complete.

He tried to pull more of the shifting thing out of its hiding place, but if there was anything left of the power that swirled happily in his thoughts, he could not feel it or coax it out of hiding. Was that it? Was this all that existed of whatever power he had?

Cirrus pounded his fist into the ground in frustration; the swirling increased its pace to match his temper. Whatever this was, it was a part of him now, and he was going to find out what it could do.

He pushed himself to his feet, holding his hands out in front of him. Focus. That was what he needed—a focus, something to harness this energy, a point to push it toward. He willed the gentle swirl to move, to follow his direction, and slowly he felt it shift again; it moved sluggishly at first, almost resisting, but Cirrus pushed harder, and the power slid down his spine and through his outstretched limbs like a warm trickle. He turned his hands over and over, trying to find some evidence of the power that waited beneath his skin, but he looked no different than he had before.

“Well,” he mumbled, holding his hands toward the sea, “what do I do now?”

[ntebook]

Cirrus: excerpt 03

To his credit, the healer’s only show of surprise was the confused look on his face. Cirrus had expected a gasp of shock, maybe an exclamation or a curse muttered under his breath, but Liam simply took his arm in his hands, turned it over gently and back again; then he looked at the young man with a frown.

“Well, that explains…. Nothing,” he said, sounding bewildered.

“Actually,” said Cirrus, pulling his arm back, “it explains everything. You might want to fill up your tea, healer—you look like you need it more than me.” Liam nodded, topping off his cup and offering the same to Cirrus. When they were both settled, Cirrus took a deep breath and began.

“It’s been like that since I was born—my arm, I mean.”

“You mean you’ve never had a sigil?” Liam asked. He rolled up his own sleeve and looked at his arm; there, just above his left wrist, was the Lady’s Mark, a dark spiral with a single dot in the middle. Liam was only a First, then. That made things a bit easier.

“Never,” answered Cirrus. “My mother swears I was born this way, and as I’ve never seen any evidence otherwise, I’m inclined to believe her.” He shrugged. “Everyone knows what that mark means.”

Liam nodded. “I’ve seen my share of corpses; I know what it means not to have one, too.”

“So you see my problem. I’m very, very much alive.”

The healer pondered that for a long moment. “So you were trying to prove… what? That you are alive? By dying? That seems a little contradictory to me.”

“Well, either I’m alive and can die like any old bloke,” answered Cirrus, “or… I’m already dead.”

“You certainly aren’t dead.”

“Not at the moment, no.”

Liam shook his head. “Then why throw yourself off a cliff?”

“Who says those are the only two options?” Liam stared at him, and as the thoughts converged in his head his eyes grew wider and wider. He stood suddenly and began to pace, leaving his tea on the table; he looked extremely troubled.

“Impossible.” Cirrus barely heard him utter the word, but he knew what the healer was thinking. He had thought it a thousand times, himself.

“I know it sounds crazy—“

“Oh, it is more than crazy...”

“—but I can’t think of any other explanation.”

Liam paused and gave him a long hard look. “You know what you’re saying… It’s heresy.”

Cirrus shrugged. “Of a sort. That’s why I have to know for sure.”

Neither of them spoke; silence collected between them until it was almost tangible. Then Liam sat down again, laying his head in his hands and staring at the floor. 

[ntebook]

Cirrus: excerpt 02

...

“As you have told me at least a dozen times since I returned home,” was the patient reply, and the man called Liam turned to Cirrus with a smile. “Now then, how do you feel, my friend?”

Cirrus tried to answer, but his throat was raw and mouth dry.

“Aah,” said Liam, “here.“ He dug into his pocket for something, pulling a small round object wrapped in wax paper. “Suck on this for a bit, that should help. The tea will be ready in a bit.” Cirrus took the thing and unwrapped it, putting it in his mouth with a skeptical look. His doubt quickly faded: it was a honeydrop.

Liam waited patiently while the candy soothed his throat, and soon Cirrus was feeling better. He cleared his throat, which for once did not cause him any pain, and tried again. “I hurt,” Cirrus answered lamely.

That made the man laugh. “Well, by all rights you should be dead, so count that as a blessing!” Then he sobered, and Liam fixed Cirrus with a weighing look. “What were you doing out there, son?” he asked softly. “Whatever it is, whatever you think you’ve done, it can’t be—“

“I’m not trying to kill myself!” Cirrus spluttered, jolting his sore ribs and making him grit his teeth. “Not… not like that,” he managed. “It’s not like that at all…”

“Alright, son, alright,” Liam answered, his voice soothing. “Take it easy. We’ll get this mess sorted out. Glory, the tea?”

“Almost ready,” answered the girl, and true to her word the kettle began to whistle. It made Cirrus’ head ache, but the noise was brief, and Glory swept the kettle from the stovetop and began to pour. The healer helped Cirrus sit up, which took quite a bit of effort, but by the time the tea was ready he was propped against the wall, breathing heavily, body aching, but awake and alert and alive. When It was offered he took the teacup gladly, grateful for the warmth. He had not noticed the shivers until now.

“There, that’s better isn’t it?” Liam said pleasantly, taking his own cup. “A nice cup of tea works wonders…” Glory sat at the table, watching the two of them with curiosity from over the tea set.

“So what’s your name?” she asked finally. Cirrus took a sip before answering; more honey, although this had lemon in it. It felt good going down.

“Cirrus,” he answered.

“You live in town, Cirrus?” That was Liam, his eyes and smile a little too innocent for Cirrus’ liking.

“Look, I’m grateful for you fishing me out, or whatever you did,” he began, “but I’m not one of your projects—“

“And what, exactly, is that s’posed to mean?” Glory was staring at him now, staring hard, daring him to say one more word. She was big, for a girl; even had he been healthy, Cirrus would have been wary of crossing her.

“Glory, it’s alright—“

“It’s not ‘alright’, Liam, it’s not!” she protested. “What do you think we do here, Mister?”

“I’m thinking you don’t get many patrons,” Cirrus grumbled.

“You ungrateful—“

“Glory, please,” Liam said, and something in the tone of his voice made the girl shut her mouth. She glared at Cirrus before standing and stalking down the hall. A door slammed moments later, and Liam sighed.

“I apologize,” he said, smiling sadly. “Glory takes it rather hard when… Aah, never mind.” He shook his head, his dark hair falling into his face. He brushed it back and sighed again. “Well then, where were we? Aah, right.” He leaned forward, his hands on his knees and smiling reassuringly. “Look, son, I’m just trying to help you.”

“You have,” Cirrus insisted, “and I am grateful, but if it’s all the same to you my business is my own. And stop calling me ‘son’; you’re not that much older than me, I’m guessing.”

Liam chuckled. “Alright then. Cirrus, is it? Tell me something Cirrus—why would a man who is not trying to off himself be out, alone, in a storm of that kind?”

“You were.”

“Fair enough,” said the healer, shrugging and leaning back in his chair. He took a sip of his tea and set it on the table behind him. “Earthworms.”

“What?”

“Earthworms,” he repeated. “I use them in some of my medicines. The rain floods them out, makes them come to the surface—it’s just easier to collect them during the storm. It was probably a bit more dangerous than I realized, but under the circumstances I’d say it was a good thing I was out there, wouldn’t you?” He gestured to Cirrus. “Your turn.”

Cirrus took a long swig of his tea, eyeing the man over the edge of his cup before speaking. “Really, it’s none of your business.” Liam said nothing, just waited with a smile. “You’re not going to leave me alone are you?”

“I wasn’t planning to,” he answered sweetly. “And in your condition, you can’t exactly walk out the door.”

[ntebook]

Cirrus: excerpt 01

Cirrus looked over the edge of the cliff at the beach below and began to have second thoughts. By now he was soaked through, his feet ached from the cold wet and cramped shoes, his dark hair was stuck to his scalp, and he was seconds away from breaking into uncontrollable shivers.  The wind howling in his ears was far stronger than the one that had rattled his little shack on the hill, and Cirrus took care not to get blown off the precipice. Of course, he thought wryly, that would put the decision out of his hands, at least.

It was just such a long way down. He had never been afraid of heights, but the thought of plummeting several hundred feet to the rocky sand below made him cringe. Not even the fall, he reminded himself—he had cliff-jumped many a time. It was exhilarating, the closest a person could come to flying. What had put doubt back into his mind was the sudden crunch at the end.

The longer he stood there, the more unsure he became. But hadn’t he thought of this all before? Had he not made up his mind that this was the only way to know for sure? He could not back out now that he had come this far. He had walked two miles in the pouring rain to get here, for Light’s sake!

Cirrus looked over the edge again. Maybe if he closed his eyes…

The wind caught his coat with a sudden tug that sent him staggering, and Cirrus managed to throw his weight backward, falling onto the stone with a sharp jolt. He cursed under his breath, sitting up. His back hurt horribly, and he groped around behind him for the rock he had fallen on.

“Lady take you, damn thing—“ With a glare, Cirrus hurled it over the edge. He did not bother trying to see where it landed.

Cirrus sighed and began to shiver. What was he going to do?

He wrestled with himself for close to an hour before standing up and walking to the edge again. He was not going to let himself back out of this. He was going to do it—he was going to jump-- and one way or another his life would never be the same. The thought made him chuckle.

Standing with his toes on the edge, Cirrus took one last look around him; at the cliffs, at the storm clouds and the rain that pelted his face and made his eyes sting, at the beach below him, at the sea stretching on and on, over and beyond the horizon. He looked at his hands, turned them over, flexed his fingers. Cirrus rolled up his sleeve, baring his arm and raising it to the sky.

“One way or the other,” he told himself, his voice low and soothing in the midst of the storm. He had never been the religious sort, but it felt appropriate now to say one last prayer. “One way or the other, Lady; today I’ll know. Today I find out who I am.”

If you love me, he thought, you’ll save me from myself.

His arm still raised, Cirrus stepped over the brink.

[ntebook]

It was storming the morning that Cirrus decided to die.

first line, Cirrus-- Courtney Richards Camp NaNoWriMo, August 2012

[ntebook]

Cirrus: synopsis

The Lady's Mark: symbol of favor, life, and prosperity. Everyone has one; everyone, that is, except for Cirrus.

Living without one hasn't been so bad, despite the fact that he should be dead without it, and the last twenty-odd years have been good to him. But now that his life is half-over, Cirrus has begun to wonder what waits for him on the other side.

Can he die? Isn't he technically dead already? How has he lasted this long?

The answers may be more than he is ready to handle.

---------

a/n: synopsis for my August Camp NaNoWriMo attempt. We'll see where it leads. @_@

[ntebook]

Cirrus: prep blurb 01

“Congratulations,” said the midwife with a smile, “you have a healthy baby boy.”

The babe’s mother smiled. Despite her fatigue, or maybe because of it, she felt peace wash over her. The woman laid back on the pillows, closing her eyes as the sweat crept down her face.

“A boy,” she whispered. “Marten will be so pleased.”

The baby had stopped crying now, and the room was silent. So silent, in fact, that a sense of unease began to nag at her mind. She sat up again, looking to the midwife; but the other woman’s back was turned to her and she could not see her face. 

“What is it?”

“Your son…”

“What about him?” urged his mother. “Is he sick?”

The midwife shook her head, turning to face her. She carried the naked babe in her arms, cradling him gently even as her brows furrowed in confusion. 

“He has no mark.” The woman lifted his arm, and where the Lady’s symbol should be was nothing but smooth newborn skin. His mother frowned. 

“No mark? But how could that be?”

“I don’t know,” answered the midwife. She shook her head again. “I’ve never seen anything like it.”

“Well,” said his mother, reaching for her boy with a smile, “that’s alright. That just means he’s special.” The midwife laid her son in her waiting arms, and she pulled him to her breast, caressed his bare arm with her finger. “Special, you hear me?” she told him. “And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

“Should I send for the Fourth, ma’am?”

“That won’t be necessary, thank you.” When the midwife gave her a skeptical look, his mother grinned. “You said yourself, he’s healthy as any other babe. What’s it matter about the mark? What the Lady doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”

“Yes ma’am,” said the woman reluctantly. “I’ll fetch your husband then, ma’am.”

“Thank you, dear,” answered the mother. She sighed and leaned back, hugging her son gently. The fatigue of childbirth was beginning to settle on her, and she could use some sleep. “It’s about time my husband met our son.”

————-

a/n: Oh gosh I am so out of practice!! AUGH. Camp NaNoWriMo is going to be such a challenge!! @____@ anyway, setup for my story. blah blah terrible writing is terrible.