#augustine boddicker

[asktheraggededges]

Some of the boys out here were wondering. We’ve got this old Terran sport- “baseball” I think’s the old way of saying it. All the Enochian regiments keep their own teams for when we meet up. If you started up a team, who would be on it and who would have what position?

Let's get the jokes out of the..

Boone? Shortstop. Mental Jen? Left Field. Tornic can be the Catcher or does he prefer to pitch? I dunno.

Firch shouldn't play at all because we all know he'll never even reach first base.

Oof. Good thing I was nearby. I'll get some skin grafts.

Alright! Alright! Let's treat this with the respect it deserves, damnit. Here goes:

Pitcher is that mad woman with the grenades. When it comes to trajectories, drop off and wind speed, she's un matched. And it'll distract the batter when she lifts her leg for the throw. First Base is me because it's a great way to get easy outs and heckle the batter. Love it.

Branz can catch, because his strike zone would be enormous and he's used to being hit in the head and walking it off. Second base can be Maggie. Good all round athlete. Good at crouching short bursts, unit cohesion and tagging players, probably. Easy on the eyes and visible from first base. Purple pubes can take third base. She throws grenades with good accuracy and would have good cohesion with the catcher. Again, easy outs for folks going for home. Centrefield can be Cuddles. I've seen that freak throw a car 200m so I'm sure a ball will be easy for her. McClannahan? Left Field. Dude can run and jump and has amazing reach. No pop flies leaving the stadium with him around.

Let's put the cabot in right field. You can afford to space out there, but that extendo arm will come in handy. Her or the rabbit girl, In case we get a lot of south paws and bunting and we need someone who is pure speed. Actually, yeah - rabbit. We'll be able to use her speed when it our turn to bat. Perfect. For short stop..hmmm..

I am actually a pretty good short stop.

Perfect! Done!

Oi didn't kno yuu gave a zog about base ball.

Come on, Al! The Tigers are playing! [subject drums her hands on the bench] Tonight! I never miss a game...

[misterculexus]

‘See, I got this problem. Commissars don’t like me. So I don’t like Commissars.’

For someone who is almost consistently unpleasant, Boddicker sure is loved. At least meta-loved. Of all the characters who eventually died at Sirens Den she is easily, EASILY the one people are the most upset about.

Maybe a cute accent, tan leather trousers and spurs that jingle jangle jingle helps people overlook your character flaws.

Real talk, though? Boddicker is a lot of fun.

Big thanks to @earltheartist who basically designed Boddickers outfit for me. I am not doing i justice here.

[earltheartist]

@misterculexus Ta-daaaaa  \_(ツ)_/¯ 

[asktheraggededges]

Was Boddicker a better person than she thought she was?

It's...more that she was a different sort of good. She thought she was the smartest, most competent, most seductive, unmatched sure shot super soldier of all time. I dunno if she was. But... [subject lowers head] I don't think she ever realised how noble and brave she could be. For all her cynicism for all her rudeness..she believed in love. She was a hero.

[asktheraggededges]

So, I've been put in command of a regiment of Drookian Fenguard. Frankly, it's a bit of a nightmare. How do you deal with Carlyle? How do you get her to follow orders? Bloody barbarians, running around without knickers, drunk out of there minds...I've just about had it! How do I earn there respect?

Learn to spell ‘their’ just for starters. Or spell it worse. Maybe they’re into that. But hey, here’s me assuming they can read at all. I know they can barely talk.

Stow it, Boddicker.

Okay, if you’re in command, then you’re probably not a Commissar so you can’t necessarily just go around shooting them or beating them. Which, technically you could from just their uniform violations alone.

But you know. That’s not gonna help. They’ll probably just tear you apart. Hell ,might push them over the line. Make them go savage. Ruinous. Bestial.

Noo hauld oan, doctur. Nae drookian woods dae ‘at! We main be bawdy an’ lood but we’re soldiers ay th’ emperur!

Well, both Clan McDougal and Clan Elliott went berserk after persistently defying their commander.

Weel, ye shoods ken, saw anes, clan Carlyle better than either ay those milk skitin’ grox shaggin’ disloyal bastards.

[subject does a slight knowing smile at the camera]

[asktheraggededges]

Bodicker, do you not get along with Raege?

There are bigger shitheads on board, and she has an appreciation for shock and awe tactics and weaponry that a lot of these pricks don’t. But she throws her weight around, tells me what to do like I don’t KNOW what to do.

“Don’t just pocket what you find, Corporal - you need to tell the quartermaster”“He doesn’t know anything Boddicker - I checked with the psykers - stop pulling his fingernails out.”“Don’t shoot them in the stomach and stare them in the eyes as they breathe their last , Corporal - it’s inefficient.”

It’s all a bunch of bullshit.

[earltheartist]

@misterculexus a little tease before I post the whole pic.

[asktheraggededges]

*snrk* Nimrod

Tais the fuck toi!!

Nimrod was a GREAT hunter! A famous HUN-TER!!

But because in one “Ragin’ Johnny Fuklaw” cartoon he called the person who was after him “Nimrod” - everyone EV-RY-ONE has extrapolated from the context and uses it to mean imbecile!!

Gunpoint gets enough shit from you! From Everyone!! If you search the munitorum archives for “Gunpoint Victory” it says “Did you mean Gunpoint Defeat?”

We are a proud people! We lost more in a single battle in the 12th Black Crusade than any other planet! Because we were there! Because we tried!!

We are everybody’s punchline!

From now on, you’d better look behind you when you walk!