#aunt from hell

[dontthinkwedontnoticeyou]

Just so you realize how up to date with the world my aunt from hell is.

She: I’m reading a book in English, about Michael Jackson.

My parents: Cool. Was it written before or after his death?

She: MICHAEL JACKSON IS DEAD????!

[dangerouslykeendestiny]

“A person who lives in Denial will paint a picture of themselves as being the victim or innocent in all aspects. They will be offended by the truth. But what is done in the dark, will come to light. Time has a way of showing people’s true colors”

[dangerouslykeendestiny]

And the countdown to Christmas is on. Let’s see what Aunt Patty brings to the table! Peace or War? I know which choice I’m betting on. One can't change one's essential nature. 

[buttercupandwesley]

My aunt: So what are you going to major in?

Me: Oh, I think I'll go into communications or journalism -

Aunt: oh Good Lord, why are you going into journalism?

Me: Well, I've always enjoyed writing, and I think that you should enjoy your job.

Aunt: Well, it may be enjoyable, but it won't be very fun when you can't find work, now will it?

Me: Sorry?

Aunt: Newspapers and magazines are going downhill. Everything is electronic now. Of course, you seem very attached to your phone! *obnoxious laughter*

Me: Well, the schools I'm applying to are very internship-oriented, and a lot of the internships have led to job offers, so I think I'll be ok.

Aunt: Oh well. Don't come crying to me when you're living with your parents at 30. Your cousin went into biology, and she's living in her own apartment at 25! Wouldn't you like that?

Me: *thinking* and my parents wonder why I don't want to attend Thanksgiving...

[dontthinkwedontnoticeyou]

She just said I got fat.

...

[dontthinkwedontnoticeyou]

so auntie has been talking about politics and injustice for the past four hours and now she finally started the topic she really wanted to talk about - ME. What I SHOULD do. What my parents SHOULD do about ME. And maybe I’d go with her to a conference in a different city (yeah, watch me go) (like I’ve ever gone with her anywhere).

Woman, stop caring about me, I’m not your business.

Damn, she doesn’t give a fuck about my cousins because they live in a different city and therefore are beyond her reach. One of them is her goddaughter and she doesn’t give a fuck about her and probably doesn’t even know her name because she usually refers to her as “the younger one”.

[dontthinkwedontnoticeyou]

So there are district council elections here these days and my aunt from hell is running in her neighbourhood. We don’t even care because she won’t get in anyway so it’s just a waste of breath to comment on that. Anyway, mum’s friend, who lives below my aunt, texted mum that auntie’s electoral programme includes doing some changes and improvements in the neirby spa town. Like... about 30 km from her district.

[dontthinkwedontnoticeyou]

The "people annoying the fuck out of me" saga continues.

But yeah, I wrote that all for my mum, and there was nothing more we could do to prolong that working appearances. So she got her turn in nagging me. She asked if I would maybe like to go to her and help her with pronunciation of some words (I wouldn't agree even if she paid me). I ended up giving her google translate address and one other online dictionary, and she took my phone number (fuck) and said that if she will send me the words she doesn't know, and... ok, I'll stop now, because this post would soon turn into a real essay if I didn't. Anyway, on her way out, she suggested that my parents sent me to some winter camp.

*really really deep sigh*