i found it: my sexual identity is autistic-demisexual
i think it's the most language-efficient way to convey it: "i'm x-sexual, but given that i'm autistic, my vision of fairness and justice and pleasure are such and such so... [this and that]"
i'm not even sure im hetero or homo or bi or pan or even asexual (the latter most likely)
all categories got erased from my system and I'm... "whereless". not nowhere, but somewhere noone knows who
i broke my human operating system and i'm at this rootkit-able bug where i both escalated root privileges and cannot defend myself from it (PSA autistic kids: dont do psychedelic if you very much rely on your "universe model" to achieve certain goal... as finishing a university degree might be)
people are scary, therefore lone i remain