For authortress
Recipient’s username: authortress
Title: I’m Not Scared
Rating: PG
Warnings: Anxiety
Word count: 2025
Summary: Phil gets on a roller coaster, wanting to prove to his friends that he isn’t afraid of the ride. But he can’t muster up the courage when the ride comes to a screeching halt.
Author’s note: I had to write this really quickly due to the fact that my laptop was in for servicing for two weeks! That’s why this is submitted so late! I loved writing it though, but sorry for any mistakes or problems this may have caused! Enjoy ^^
Phil had never exactly “liked” roller coasters, he only put on a small and laughed his nervousness of when he got up to any, borderline horrifying ride. However now, fear was practically beating his heart against his ribcage. He wanted to be confident, and prove to his friends that it was no big deal, and that he could handle the small ride. However the ride wasn’t exactly small, and Phil’s throat went dry when he looked up at the monster that was the roller coaster his friends were dragging him towards. ‘The Hulk’ it read, in bold purple letters.
Phil’s hands became clammy within moments, and he clasped them together in front of himself to keep anybody from noticing his sweaty palms. He wasn’t going to chicken out, especially right now, right in front of the god damn roller coaster. He had already made a fool of himself after he left the line up for ‘Rip Ride Rocket’, and he wasn’t about to go through that embarrassment again.
He walked behind his friends, putting a small smile on his lips just to show that yes, he was okay, despite the nervousness that was starting to make his hands tremble. They were more than thrilled to have gone through the ‘single riders’ line, which made Phil’s stomach churn even more at the thought.
‘A five minute wait isn’t long enough’ He thought as he started chewing off what was left of his fingernails, a nervous habit he was trying to get rid of. Unfortunately for now, it was something he had become accustomed to whenever he was apprehensive.
Time passed all but too quickly, and before Phil could argue and ask to be put with at least one friend, he was put into a row, and was stood beside the green painted gate, the small smile he once wore falling into a straight expression. He looked over at his roommate, and sighed when the other man chuckled. He felt his stomach drop down into his shoes, and embarrassment was already causing his face to go red. He didn’t want to repeat his own anxiety induced actions, though enjoying himself seemed rather unlikely.
“Mate, you’ll be fine, just close your eyes the whole time.” Alex grinned, though Phil couldn’t help but resent the amount of excitement the man was giving out. “It’s only a short ride, probably not even a minute, maybe I’ll time it for ya just to prove it.”
“If I do that then what was the point of me getting on this in the first place?” Phil asked and interlaced his hands together. “I’m not scared.” He said, yet no confidence shone through his words.
He looked forward the moment the gate opened, his friends words passing through him as the employees told them to step forward. Phil did so, surprisingly more unhesitant than before, and was relieved to find him calming his nerves slightly. Yet the tranquil moment was short lived. “You’ll be fine.. You’ll be fine.” He mumbled underneath his breath as he sat down in the seat. He reached up to pull the harness down over himself, fumbling with the buckle for a few brief moments before he got it in securely. He tensed when an employee passed by to test the harness to make sure that it wouldn’t budge.
Phil grit his teeth slightly when a man a seat behind him spoke, his words making his heart skip a beat. “Checking the harness isn’t gonna do a thing. If it comes of it comes off I s’pose.” Phil knew the words weren’t meant to frighten them, hell they definitely weren’t directed towards him, but that didn’t stop him from making him feel any worse about the situation whatsoever.
His fingers clasped the handlebars with an iron grip, his knuckles managing to turn whiter than pale skin on his body. He pressed his head back against the seat, and kept his stomach tight as if he was afraid of his lunch ending up on his lap and his shoes. He kept telling himself his fears were irrational, the rides had definitely been checked more than once in the past day… Probably.
He watched an employee give a thumbs up, seeing a chain reaction from a few others before the cart slowly started moving into the tunnel ahead. His stomach Lurched when the cart abruptly took off, his breath catching in his throat as his nails left red half moons in his palm. He had squeezed his eyes shut till the cart came to a halt, and though he opened them with relief, the second he realized his position panic ran through him faster than he could process the situation.
The were practically on a vertical, facing downwards towards the water and the concrete below. Phil’s body was pressed against the harness, and he was already trying his hardest to push himself back, out of fear that the buckle would give, and he would fall to his rather unpleasant death.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, we regret to inform you that the roller coaster has broken down. The ride will resume shortly, please keep hands and feet inside the cart.” Boomed over the speaker, though Phil swore there were tears in his eyes.
“I..I Can’t, I need get off.. now.” Phil mumbled, a few quick breaths breaking up his speech as he closed his eyes again, attempting to look away from what was in front of him. He didn’t want the ride to start up again, he wanted someone to come up here and lift his crying ass out of the seat, and bring him down to safe, solid ground.
“Are you okay?
Phil opened his eyes slightly, and looked to his left, seeing brown tufts of hair before he saw a face. The man stared at him with concern, but also a bit of amusement, which only made Phil’s chest grow tighter.
“Y-yeah.” Phil murmured quickly, his breath travelling rather fast in and out of his mouth. The last thing he wanted to do was hyperventilate, however before he could control it he was taking in short uneven breaths, and forcing them back out just as rapidly.
The man’s expression changed, and he tried to manoeuvre himself to look at Phil properly. “Hey, it’s going to be fine. The rides is going to start up soon, and it will all be over in a matter of seconds.” He frowned when it did nothing but seem to speed up the mans breath more, and quickly tried a different tactic.
“Open your eyes and focus on me, yeah?” He offered, “I’m Dan, by the way.” He said, and put on a smile in an attempt to make the other more comfortable.
“Phil-l..” Phil stammered, and tried to swallow his nerves down. “I’m-m Ph-Phil.” He repeated, and kept his eyes on Dan, who as far more prettier than the intimidating death that was the concrete below. His gaze dipped down to it for a brief moment, and Phil was sure he was going to vomit.
“Hey, hey.. Eyes on me now.” Dan quickly said, “You’ve got to breathe Phil, okay? In and out, do it with me, You’ll be okay, I promise.” He said, and started to take deep breaths in, and slowly pushing them out. He couldn’t help but feel a heavy pit in his stomach at the mere sight of Phil, who’s fingers were still shaking despite the firm grip that he had on the handlebars. Dan wanted to help, but he knew nobody found much comfort in strangers.
Phil hiccuped quietly, and the sheer embarrassment stained his face a splotchy crimson red, he shut his eyes when tears started to spill out of them and quickly looked away. He knew this would be a mistake, and he was about to be the laughing stock of Dan and whatever friends were with him. Though moments later he felt fingers pry his own sweaty ones from the handlebar, a strong grip holding Phil’s hand tight. Phil let out a long shaky breath, as if a small portion of the weight on his chest had lifted.
“It’s okay to be scared Phil.” Dan murmured, squeezing Phil’s hand as he spoke. “The employees know how to handle this, We’ll be off this ride in no time, and we’re going to get you somewhere safe right after.” He assured, and kept the same, soft smile on his lips as he felt Phil’s hand grip onto his own.
Phil nodded, and slowly turned his head to look back over at Dan, snivelling quietly as he tried to put on a shaky smile of his own. Pathetic wasn’t even a word Phil would use to describe himself in this type of low. He looked absolute miserable, and plain stupid for getting on something he knew he wouldn’t even come close to enjoying.
He kept his eyes on Dan’s face, just running over the man’s features as the brunet kept talking to him, repeating words Phil assumed that Dan thought we’re soothing. He spoke with technicality, rather than trying to address the fact that Phil might pass out if he couldn’t straighten out his breathing pattern. However, Phil didn’t mind, it was comforting to hear another voice that wasn’t his own, that was telling him everything would be okay.
He suddenly jumped when the roller coaster slowly started moving again, his eyes winding comically as it moved forward. The metal screeched as it ground against its counterpart, and it quickly ripped own through Phil’s core. His grip on Dan’s hand tightened despite the fact they were no where near the roller coasters original speed, and he held his breath, just barely managing to scrape in a few quick pants ever few moments. Dan was watching Phil carefully, and gently rubbing Phil’s thumb as a way of trying to help him without words, though he knew anything he said now would prove to be useless in this situation.
The cart came to a smooth halt back inside the vicinity, and Phil’s fingers let go of dan’s to fidget with the buckle until the clasp finally opened, releasing him from the now uncomfortable and almost cell like seat. Phil was quick to get up, walking faster than he normally would, just to get away from the crowd behind him. Though Dan wasn’t about to leave Phil alone.
“You’re pretty brave, y’know.” Dan murmured, one hand pressed firmly against the small of Phil’s back. “I knew you didn’t want to get on that roller coaster the second I saw you.” He added with a chuckle.
Phil’s shoulders relaxed, and he slowly took in a deep breath before he spoke. “I-I am nev-ver doing that ag-gain.” He mumbled and wiped his red cheeks and eyes, “I always-s mak-ke s-such a fool out-t of-f my s-self-f.”
“It’s not for everyone,” Dan said as he lead Phil over to a bench. He sat down beside him, and leaned over slightly to look at the man. “If I were in your position I wouldn’t even have gotten on in the first place.” He murmured as he gently rubbed Phil’s back. “But we’re off now, aren’t we? It’s all done and over with and you never have to deal with it ever again.” He promised as Phil brought his gaze up to look over at Dan.
“Th-thank y-y-ou.” Phil whispered, and forced another smile onto his lips, though he managed to make it seem more genuine. He wanted to make it up to Dan, yet he couldn’t find the words to allow him to talk. Instead he slowly moved his arms to wrap them around Dan’s slender frame, leaning forward into him and taking deep breaths. He found Dan’s hand soothing against his back, and slowly, he managed to bring himself to a manageable state. He was absolutely exhausted, and it showed in his expression.
“Let’s find your friends.” Dan murmured and gently patted Phil’s back before he slowly leaned back and offered his hand out for Phil to take. “Im sure you want to get home.” He said, and grinned as Phil took Dan’s hand in his.
