Dec 1, 2018
Steve steps back into the car and closes the door, lips still tingling.
“You don’t like blondes,” Bucky says.
Sam chokes.
seen from United States
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seen from United States
seen from United States
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seen from United States
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Steve steps back into the car and closes the door, lips still tingling.
“You don’t like blondes,” Bucky says.
Sam chokes.
Today, Peter was honest-to-god going to see Captain America himself up close, in person, and not from a rooftop or tiny crevice like a creepy stalker fanboy.
Even better, he was going to watch Steve Rogers make history by soldiering his beleaguered way through the most intensely awkward and honestly ridiculous press conference in the history of ever-- jaw thrust out and spine ramrod straight. Trying hard to be polite and respectful in the face of adversity.
While a bunch of assholes with cameras and microphones shouted at him about Iron Man’s adolescent dick.
Bucky finds out about the whole ‘language’ thing and after expressing his confusion to Steve, he goes about proving to himself that Steve’s use of bad language is just as awful as anyone else’s. If not worse.
Or “That time Bucky fucked Steve so hard, everyone’s perfect image of Captain America was crushed”.
“Well,” Tony says, standing and clapping his hands together, “for the sake of scientific validity, there’s only one way to test this.” He pauses for dramatic effect. “We need to hold the first annual Ass Championships.”
And that’s how it starts.
“You know what, Rogers? Fuck that guy,” Tony says. “I’m going to find you the perfect man.”
And that’s how Steve ends up married to a 6-foot-something, 250-pound man with a cybernetic arm and a thousand yard stare.
“You remember that pub in London?” Steve went on, and Tony thought that someone should have made a note in the SSR records on Captain America. Something like, 'Subject is a brawler. Do not, under any circumstances, take him to a bar unless you're carrying brass knuckles and possibly an RPG.'
The team plays Cards Against Humanity. Some cards are more telling than others.
"Eyes on the prize, Widow: we're getting Captain America and Bucky laid, with each other. That's the op. Got it?"