As her heart raced wildly within her ribcage, Avery swore her breath had literally been stolen away by Cullen’s kisses. Pressed between him and the wall as she was, the elf was only too aware of the strength in the Commander’s body as he held her captive—his hands holding her hips in a gentle but firm grip. She never felt more delicate or protected as she did when Cullen held her against him, and a thrill still coursed through her when she remembered how he had loomed wordlessly over the messenger who had interrupted them mere moments before—how very much like a lion he had appeared.
Avery had never been kissed before. She had never been held like this before. Now that both had happened…were happening, she could not imagine anyone else but Cullen doing them again. She shivered in delight when the Commander’s tongue brushed against hers, and she whimpered softly in response to his pleasured moan as her hands moved down from Cullen’s neck to tangle into that lion’s mane around his shoulders. When the kiss broke, Avery quickly stole another before a soft, happy sigh escaped her as Cullen tenderly kissed her Vallaslin before resting his forehead against hers.
“I have been aching to do that for so long,” Cullen murmured with a euphoric smile as the warmth of the setting sun surrounded them in its glow. “Your lips are just as soft as I imagined…” He lightly rubbed his nose against Avery’s. “I care for you so very deeply, Avery…more than I’ve ever cared for anyone.”
Avery’s heart fluttered like a hummingbird, and her hands briefly tightened their grip upon Cullen’s mane. “I can’t say that I haven’t wanted this either…or that there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you, Cullen,” she murmured with a smile which gradually melted away as she was suddenly filled with a nagging doubt—the confidence she had felt only moments before leaving her suddenly. “And that’s what worries me…” she added in a whisper as she lowered her hands slowly to her sides.
“What worries you?” Cullen asked softly.
Avery lightly bit her bottom lip and averted her eyes.
“Please tell me,” Cullen entreated gently. “Let me at least try to put your mind at ease,” he whispered earnestly before worry shadowed his face. “Is it my lyrium withdrawals?” he asked softly—suddenly afraid of the answer.
Avery shook her head in reply and was silent for several moments before nervously raising her gaze back to Cullen’s. “I…” She nervously bit her bottom lip. “I’m not used to doing anything that’s simply for myself. As First to our clan’s Keeper, I was taught from the very beginning that my own desires and wishes didn’t matter. I was taught right from the start to push my own personal wants aside for the better good of the clan…it’s a trait that has continued during my place here in the Inquisition.”
Cullen nodded solemnly. “Yes…I am well aware of that,” he answered softly. He still had not forgotten how Avery had played the part of distraction in Haven in order to allow him to get the civilians to safety. He still had not forgotten the look of grim resolve Avery had worn upon her face as she accepted the reality that she might not survive the encounter.
How could he?
Avery was Dalish as well as a mage, and she had served herself up as a willing sacrifice for the greater good of the very people who had called for her execution upon the Divine’s death. That was not something someone could easily forget, and it was in that moment that Cullen knew beyond any shadow of a doubt that he loved Avery. It had been agony to leave Avery behind in Haven, and when a battered Cassandra, Solas and Iron Bull met up with the survivors at their temporary camp without her, it had felt as though Cullen’s heart had been ripped from his chest. While he had forced himself to be stone-faced and calm for the sake of the survivors, inwardly, Cullen had been screaming in grief for a love that had been destroyed before it could truly start.
But when Avery had appeared out of the snow and howling wind at the entrance of the camp as if put there by the Maker Himself, Cullen felt as though a weight had been suddenly lifted from his shoulders. He had been the first to catch sight of her, and he had bolted through the camp with a cry just as Avery collapsed into the snow. He remembered how small and vulnerable her body seemed as he gathered her unconscious form into his arms and cradled her protectively while taking her to the few healers that remained, and he still remembered how he had prayed to the Maker harder than he ever had in his life for Avery to live through the night; and when Avery awoke, it was all Cullen could do not to run to her when he saw her standing at the edge of the healers’ tent. It had been Avery’s survival that had prompted him to sing along with the hymn rising up through the campsite. He had not been singing to bolster hope…
He had been using the music to offer up his undying thanks to the Maker.
As it was, Cullen never once let Avery out of his sight during the entirety of the long trek through the snow-covered mountains. How closely he had watched her as she walked ahead of him with Solas—ready to rush to her side at a moment’s notice should she weaken and falter in her steps. He would have carried Avery the entire way if she had so needed.
Cullen loved her.
He knew it, and it filled him with warmth that radiated from his heart to the very tips of his fingers. Now it was only a matter of helping Avery reach that same point. If she needed more time, then Cullen would willingly give it to her. He was nothing if not patient. He had waited this long to find love, had he not?
While he had been truthful in saying that he had taken no vows of celibacy, Cullen still had not indulged in physical pleasure with another. It was not that he had not wanted to, but having been given to the Order at the age of thirteen had served to quell his desires. While other boys his age were beginning to explore their changing bodies and noticing pretty girls, Cullen was busy memorizing the Chant of Light while being molded into an elite warrior. There had been no time for girls. Then, once he had taken his vows and become a full-fledged Templar...he simply did not know how to talk to women without sounding like a bumbling idiot! They always made him so nervous.
Except for Avery…
When Cullen was around that lovely elf, he was calm and confident and knew that he could accomplish anything so long as she was by his side. He was at peace and yet completely euphoric in the way one was upon realizing their truest dream—their heart’s desire. The sound of Avery’s small sigh gently pulled Cullen from his reverie.
“I’ve never done anything that was simply for myself, and…” Avery blushed. “Truth be told, I’ve never really wanted anything for myself…until now.” Her blush deepened. “It feels so strange…in spite of how right it feels. Every moment that I have thought of you…thought of the possibility of us, I can’t help but feel guilty for indulging myself in something other than the greater good of the Inquisition and Thedas.”
Cullen chuckled softly. “Old habits die hard indeed,” he murmured. His small, but warm smile returned. “While you are the Inquisitor, and are faced with the burden of great responsibility, you do not have to shoulder the burden alone. I will willingly help you in any way that I can.” He brushed a chaste kiss to Avery’s forehead. “Take as long as you need, my Inquisitor…my lioness, and know that I will be waiting for you with open arms when you are at last ready to throw your uncertainties to the wind." He cupped the elf’s lovely face once more and lightly brushed his thumb over the freckles on her cheek.
"I can't ask you to do that," Avery protested gently while leaning into Cullen's hand before she could stop herself. "It wouldn't be fair to you."
"You don't ever have to ask," Cullen replied. "Because I would do it willingly."
"Cullen..." Avery whispered in delighted bewilderment. "Why would you do that? Why not simply move onto a woman who’s less…complicated?"
"Because you are all I could ever want," Cullen answered earnestly while gazing deeply into Avery's striking eyes that were so very cat-like in color. “My heart knew it from the first moment I laid eyes on you, even though my mind took longer to catch up to that realization. You, Avery of Clan Lavellan, have stolen my heart and set it aflame, and you keep those embers burning with every smile that graces your perfect, rosebud lips, as well as the mere sound of your lovely voice.” He lightly touched his forehead to hers. “Ma'arlath, Avery," he murmured before smiling at the elf's small, but sharp intake of breath.
"Where did you learn that?" Avery whispered as her heart fluttered wildly.
"Solas taught me a few phrases," Cullen replied softly as a small blush colored his cheeks. "I…I wanted you to know that my feelings for you were genuine, emma lath." He gently smoothed an escaped strand of hair away from Avery's face. "From the first moment we had a chance to properly speak to one another after you sealed that first breach, I felt my heart awaken after years of slumber. I am already yours, emma vhenan," he murmured before blinking in surprise when Avery nestled into him. Smiling, Cullen wrapped his arms around her and nuzzled her soft hair before simply resting his head atop hers—taking the time to envelope her within the folds of his heavy, cloak in order to protect her from the brisk wind.
“You are truly a wonderful man, Cullen…my magnificent lion…so kind and patient…” Avery murmured while tilting her face up to her beloved’s. “To the Void with my guilt and uncertainty, Cullen…may the Dread Wolf take them all. I’m so sorry I even brought them up, emma vhenan'ara,” she added while looking entreatingly up into Cullen’s warm eyes.
“Emma vhenan'ara?” Cullen asked. “I’m afraid I don’t know that one,” he admitted sheepishly with a small smile. “What does that mean?”
Avery smiled and stood on tip-toe so she could lightly brush a kiss to the scar on Cullen’s lip. “My heart’s desire,” she whispered against her beloved’s lips while sliding her hands up the Commander’s chest plate so she could link them together at the back of his neck—her fingers brushing lightly against his hairline.
Cullen shivered in delight at the feel of those little fingers, and smiled against Avery’s lips as his arms tightened around her. “Ma'arlath, emma vhenan’ara,” he growled softly before claiming those soft, rosy lips in a slow, searching kiss.
When the kiss broke, Avery lightly rubbed her nose against Cullen’s and smiled as she gazed up at him—her green eyes alight. “And I love you, Cullen…my heart’s desire.”
It had started out simple and innocent enough. In order to help her get over her initial fear of Cullen, she thought it wise to get to know him a little better, and so she had approached him on the sparring ground while he oversaw the soldiers and new recruits. The conversation had started off normal enough. Avery had asked Cullen about his family as well as his experience as a Templar. She had even begun relaxing a bit when it became clear that the former Templar had no interest or intention whatsoever in handing her over to his former brethren.
Perhaps that had been Avery’s downfall. In fact, now as she sat upon the edge of her bed and slowly brushed out her long, scarlet locks, she was sure of it. She had become relaxed, and when Cullen spoke about the Vigil that occurred before a Templar took his or her final vows, she had not been able to stop herself from asking if celibacy was included within those vows.
The awkwardness that had followed…
Scarlet had tinged the former Templar’s cheeks as he answered that he had not taken vows of celibacy, and the tips of Avery’s pointed ears became nearly as scarlet as her hair. Both human and elf were quick to go their separate ways after that.
Having already tended to business with the War Council, and with it being close to sunset, Avery had decided to retreat into her quarters for the rest of the night and rest for tomorrow’s journey. She, Cassandra, Solas and Sera would be departing at dawn for the Hinterlands in search of the Warden called Blackwall, and Avery was determined to get a good night’s sleep for once. Though, as the interaction with Cullen kept replaying itself in her mind, she had a feeling that a good night’s sleep was nothing more than a fleeting hope.
What must Cullen think of her now? That she was nothing more than a simpering she-elf who would throw herself at him in a desperate attempt at self-preservation? Avery’s movements became somewhat frantic as she brushed the ends of her hair. Did Cullen think she would willingly lick his boots if it meant not being thrown into a life of imprisonment?
A sudden knock at the door drew Avery from her thoughts, and she placed her brush beside her on the bed while standing. She thought nothing of it as she strode towards the door in her bare feet and her jacket unbuttoned and opened to reveal the thin chemise underneath; and as she opened the door, she felt her heart falter and halt before speeding up again when she found herself face to face with none other than Cullen. “C…Commander Cullen,” she greeted somewhat breathlessly as her cheeks began warming.
It was not so much the view of the exposed, creamy column of Avery’s neck or the small hint of cleavage peeking up over the top of the thin chemise that caused Cullen’s jaw to drop a little—though it was certainly a contributing factor—but it was sight of that coupled with Avery’s hair hanging loosely about her that gave him pause. Never before had Cullen seen Avery with her hair down. He had not expected it to be as long or as voluminous as it was, but as he gazed upon the cascade of scarlet hair that fell to the Inquisitor's waist while framing her sweet, freckled face and making her green eyes appear even more luminous, he found that he could no longer envision her any other way.
“Commander Cullen?”
“Maker’s breath…” Cullen whispered. He blinked and gave his head a small shake before nervously rubbing the back of his neck. “S…sorry,” he replied as his cheeks turned a brilliant shade of scarlet. “I came to…” His eyes widened.
Maker…
Why had Cullen knocked on Avery’s door?! He had completely forgotten!
“Yes?” Avery prompted gently while giving her right eyebrow a slight raise even as her cheeks became tinged with pink.
The scarlet in Cullen’s cheeks deepened. “I…I came to…” he stuttered before finally giving a small bow of his head and then turning on his heel and briskly striding away at a quick clip.
Blinking and giving a small frown as she tilted her head to the side, Avery watched as Cullen’s tall, strong form pushed its way easily through the milling crowd. Once the Commander was out of sight, she sighed and gave a small shake of her head while stepping back inside and closing her door. “Humans are so strange…”
