have an urge to create an online presence
post something in a discord server
instant regret! overwhelming shame!
its been hours at this point and i still feel awful!
seen from Türkiye

seen from Ireland
seen from China

seen from Philippines

seen from Brazil

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Australia

seen from Brazil

seen from Malaysia
seen from United States

seen from Malaysia

seen from Türkiye

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from Singapore

seen from United States
have an urge to create an online presence
post something in a discord server
instant regret! overwhelming shame!
its been hours at this point and i still feel awful!
it takes so much effort be the bare minimum of a person, to be distinct entity that that can be interacted with, and it’s rarely something i can make myself do. frustrating as hell
hate wanting to have an online presence but feeling that i’m somehow ontologically terrible and inadequate
I don’t feel like a person, I don’t have any sense of identity that I share with the outside world (do I have any identity at all? is anything about me even real?). I don’t leave any trace of myself behind; I want to be known, and yet i guess I don't have enough energy or desire to change any of the things that result in me living like this. So i continue to exist in this unsatisfying, half-formed state.
wish I had the confidence to say for sure that I’m not faking or exaggerating my mental illnesses
I need my golden crown of sorrow My bloody sword to swing My empty halls to echo With grand self-mythology
- Florence and the Machine | King
cw for discussion relating to ableism/saneism towards NPD
(it’s mostly just me complaining about my therapist dw)
again considering the possibility of me having szpd in addition to avpd and npd. feels strange, feels organic