Of previous post and my dream
In this month of holy ramadhan, I decided to challenge myself to finish all 30 juz’ in one month. This was a huge deal for me because I am literally the least pious person I can think of. Unfortunately, very soon I realize that I'm incapable to do so because honestly, I lack the discipline lels.
Anyway, point is, despite my string of sin and non-stop cursing, yesterday the most amazing thing happened. Now, what I will soon tell you is not about showing off, but it's just me sharing what I felt. Yesterday, for the first time ever, I cried while reciting the Al-Quran. It was 5.30 a.m. I was waiting for subuh to roll in after sahur, it was chilly and I just felt really good about myself. For once, I felt proud to be me. I'm proud to be able to read the Al-Quran. My mother is a Chinese Muallaf, she knows how hard it is to learn the Al-Quran, so she had always made sure all her children were well revised on the matter.
In that one moment, while I was reciting it, I felt so honored. Even though I've sinned so much and said bad things with my mouth, Allah is still the All Merciful and allows me to speak and read his holy book. It's amazing when you put it that way. Allah is so forgiving and kind that He will let me, ME, recite his beautiful words. Now, I'm no saint or whatever, but this moment was the single most beautiful feeling I've felt in a while.
I do hope I’m able to feel that way a lot more from now on. Hopefully. x