Hold On, I Still Need You
Date: Nov 16, 2022
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
The sound of her heart beating against her chest echoed in her ears. Her mind went into overdrive and her body on autopilot. White knuckles grasp firmly around the steering wheel, her car weaving between the little traffic, not caring about the speed limit. She had to get there before it was too late.
The picture haunted her thoughts and even though her head was telling her not to do this, to reach out to someone who would be better to handle this like Kerem, Ayda acted with her heart. It would always be her kryptonite, the love she had for those she cared about, and for him. It would be her undoing.
The car comes to a screeching stop outside of Berat’s gym.
When the address popped up on her phone, her heart sank. What trouble did he get into? Why did he become this person so full of resentment and vengeance? Sometimes she wondered if he knew what he was trying to avenge. What was he fighting for? If that fight was even worth it. She had to stop blaming herself for the demons he had, she had her own to fight.
There was no thought when she flung open the drivers door, like true London weather, the sky opens and the rain starts to explode from the clouds, a downpour of rain beads bouncing off the ground, and she races into the wide open front door of the building.
If her death was going to be tonight, she walked into it with open arms.
“Berat.” She cries out, pushing the wet hair from her face back, looking around until she finds a body on the ground.
Blood. So much blood.
Adrenaline fuelled her body. Strength she normally wouldn’t possess surged through her and she went with instinct. Her position in the gang was to fix them, but fixing this would take some more experience. First she checks for a pulse, faint but there, before she rips some of the jacket she is wearing to wrap it around the shot on his leg, tying it around. She then rips another long piece and wraps it the best she can around his shoulder.
Ayda hooks her arms under his arms and starts to drag him to her car.
“Hold on.” I still need you. She begs, pulling the back seat door open with one hand and scoots her body in to wiggle back to pull Berat’s body across the seats, reaching back to open the other side to get out herself. The Turk pants heavily, the rain causing the blood to bleed down her clothes. She slams both doors shut before sliding back into the driver’s seat and pulls back onto the main road.
Ayda glances back through the mirror to his body laying there, still, and the blood seeping through the cloth. She was running out of time.
Her only saving grace was that the hospital wasn’t far.
“Hold on.” She mumbles, repeating those two words, the short car ride, it was her way to focus on what was ahead of her and not let her mind fall into a state of losing him. There was no outcome that would come to that.
The car comes to its final stop, right out front of the A&E doors, not caring that people were yelling at her to move. Ayda climbs out of the car. “Help! I need help.” She cries out, running to stand in front of the sliding doors. “He’s been shot. There is so much blood.” The Turk finally feels the tears sliding down her cheeks, figuring it was the rain from earlier.
That seems to get their attention, and seconds later a gurney is being brought out and she rushes over to the back seat door, opening it for them. Nurses and Doctors safely pull him out and onto it.
“What is his name?” One of the nurses asked, looking at her.
“Berat Yalaz.” She replies softly, following beside them. Vitals are taken.
“What happened?” Another asks. Besides the obvious of being shot, she had no idea.
“I was meeting him for a date, and when I got there, I found him like this.” She knew when to tell white lies to make sure no more questions were asked.
Her hand reaches out to take one of his, holding onto it, giving a small squeeze that he would hopefully feel. Her eyes finally settled on him. He looked pale, his face like it had been kicked in, and all the blood.
“Ms. we need to take him for surgery to remove the bullets. It won’t be long. He will be fine.” A female doctor gave her a reassuring smile. The team starts to prepare to take him in OR. She nods her head, standing there with him.
Ayda leans forward to place a kiss to the top of his forehead. “Come back to me Berat.” She whispers, pulling her head back. Her hand remains in his until they roll the bed away, letting it fall to her side.
He was going to be fine.
She stood there watching him disappear behind the door and five minutes after he left, reality came crashing down on her. How was she ever going to get over him?
There was no time to dive down that rabbit hole. She pulls out her phone and calls Emine, letting her know what happened and where they were. The conversation wasn’t long, but she knew Emine and Kerem would be here soon.
Two hours later
She sat in the waiting room still in her ripped up blood covered clothes. Even after surgery was done and the two of them sat in his room with him, she sat outside. He would wake, and she wasn’t sure if he would want to see her. He made it pretty clear where they stood.
She was a reminder of a life he was trying to come to peace with. She was a reminder of not being strong enough to wait for him. That she was the one that threw twelve years out the window. That she wasn’t enough for him.
Nazli’s words rang in her ear and it was all true.
And Ayda would sit there until Emine would text her, letting her know if he wanted to see her or not.
Until then, she waited.