#ayearwithoutfear

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❤️🕊 #AYearWithoutFear #TamaKieves #Love https://www.instagram.com/p/CX87w31O7zK/?utm_medium=tumblr

[frenchieshairpins]

🕊 #AYearWithoutFear #365DaysOfMafnificence #TamaKieves https://www.instagram.com/p/CQoUsDpATvF/?utm_medium=tumblr

[individualelements]

Bumps in the road challenge your ego, not your destiny. ✌🏻💚 . . . . #ayearwithoutfear #mantra #dailyquotes #positivethinking #wakeupyoursoul #mood #behappy #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #inspiration #feedyoursoul #bossbabe #motivation #gypsysoul #chasingthesun #breakstigmas #happiness #lifestyle #instagood #positivevibes #selflove #bossbabe #wildchild #wanderlust #radiatelove #unicornvibetribe

[jalisanwhitley]

Coming Full Circle the View Looks Different

“Once you get clear about who you are, what you do, and what you are being called to do, you become powerful.” - Iyanla Vanzant 

I don’t reserve big changes just for the new year. I feel like every day is an opportunity to be more authentically, boldly and unapologetically you. So in perfect fashion, I decided that I would move back home to D.C. in December. 

I’ve spent the last six weeks in Southeast Asia and a few days in Australia really doing some deep digging on where I’ve been, what I’ve learned and what I want to do with that knowledge. Here’s what I learned:

1. That I love to travel, I love the freedom of being able to get up and go, BUT I don’t always WANT to go. There’s a power in being grounded. Putting down roots that you can return to is not a bad thing. 

2. I miss community. Though I’ve met some wonderful people in my travels, I haven’t had the opportunity to go deep in the way that you’re able to when you’re more than a visitor in a place. Building community will definitely be the goal of 2017, since 2016 was the year of a lot of stripping away. 

3. I need to get back into the work. I had this overwhelming feeling that there was more I needed to be doing. That 2016 was about looking internally, but now is the time to turn back outward. 

After the election I realized that I have gifts and experiences that are needed for healing in this divisive time. We speak past each other in our political and every day discourse. We look for the worst intentions in people. We seek to be understood, rather than to understand. I’ve learned to listen, to learn, and to find peace. These are all gifts that are needed in our communities and in our social justice work. I also have years of professional experience in nonprofits and philanthropy that are being underutilized. I needed to slow down to center, but now I feel I have more capacity to pour into the work without losing sight of myself. 

4. Sometimes you have to leave to come back better. Even though, I’m back in the DMV, it feels so different then it did when I left in July. It feels calm. It feels exciting. It feels right. It’s not that anything in particular about this place changed, but I did. And in the end that’s all that truly mattered. 

I moved into a 311 sq foot tiny apartment which I’m in love with in Columbia Heights. It’s perfect for the minimalist lifestyle that I want to cultivate. 

(my little office nook. It’s a little cubby off of my bedroom that I love)

That’s one good thing about living out of a suitcase - you learn how little you truly need. I’m in a very accessible area now so I’m excited for my social life to glow up. 

I also feel like the timing for my relationship is so much better than when I left. We both grew into people that were right for each other. Our communication is on fleek. He’s really become my best friend. We have so much fun and I am coming to our relationship not from a place of lack, but from a place of mutual respect and a desire to build each other up. 

5. I learned to trust divine timing. As Eckhart Tolle says “Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.”

I had to leave so that I could be ready to walk into this new me. I needed to be broken down and tested to build up my muscles so that I can walk into the abundance that I know is in my future, because I can feel it in the present. 

When I left so much was unclear. I didn’t have the right language to describe why I needed to go, I just knew that it needed to happen. I knew I needed #AYearWithoutFear to get clarity. What I’ve learned is that fear often comes from an absence of love. I had to learn to love myself better. To love the people I care about better. To trust myself and my intuitions the first time. To let go of the reins and know that it will all come together eventually for my blossoming or my pruning. 

Ultimately, I am so thankful for the last five months away. I got just what I needed to be back here in my wholeness.

[jalisanwhitley]

Day 11 of the #30DayReset: Another Cycle Around the Moon

“The most important thing to remember is this: to be ready at any moment to give up what you are for what you might become.” — W. E. B. Du Bois

Today is my 27th birthday! I’m spending it on Phi Phi Island in Thailand sitting by the water with my toes in the sand. 

The Meaning of 27

The Number 27 carries the qualities and vibrations of the number 2 and number 7. Number 2 resonates with the attributes of intuition, duality and finding balance, mediation and co-operation, sensitivity and selflessness, serving others and your divine life purpose and soul mission. The number 7 relates to spiritual awareness, persistence of purpose, understanding and introspection. 

These energies combine to make 27 the number of the humanitarian, of harmony, philanthropy, spiritual insights and unconditional love.

I was so excited to read these things because I’ve spent so much time this year turning internally. I had come to the realization that I had built a big external life at the expense of an internal one. I needed this year to look inward and learn myself and how I can be most effective, but now it's time to face outward again. There is so much hurt in the world and its time for me to tap back into my gifts, especially in the field of philanthropy to help be a part of the healing. 

In honor of this day I wanted to do some reflecting on some of the biggest lessons I’ve learned over the last 27 years:

7 Lessons Learned After 27 Rotations Around the Sun 

1. I am not a finished project. I am forever growing, evolving and learning. There is beauty in that. I made decisions in the past based on the experiences and information I had at the moment. I continue to evolve and make course corrections based on new information and new experiences. 

2. Forgive yourself and others. As Cheryl Strayed says, “Your life will be a great and continuous unfolding.You will come to know things that can only  be known with the wisdom of age and the grace of years. Most of those things will have to do with forgiveness.”

This year has definitely taught me the importance and hard work that goes into forgiveness. Both of myself and of others. People make decisions and act out of the space of their insecurities. Oftentimes we’ll fail to be our best selves. We owe ourselves and others the grace to forgive when we don’t show up the way we would have liked to. 

2. Allow yourself to be where you are. There’s a lesson there. Being in the moment was one of the hardest things for me to learn how to do. I was always wondering if this was the right place to be, if I was doing it right, or whether I was making a mistake. The universe places you in the moment and among the people you need to be in or with for your growth or your pruning. The fact that you’re having the experience you’re having lets you know its what you need. Learn not to get caught up in the “what” of your life and instead focus on the “why” or the larger meaning to be taken from it. 

3. Bring your whole self - the world needs that. Before, I would leave parts of myself at home whether at work or in intimate relationships, in fear that I was too much of one thing, or too little of another. There is power in standing in your less-than-perfectness in front of the world, in every space that you enter. It will free you and it will give others permission to do the same. 

4. Sit in vulnerability. It’s uncomfortable as hell, but all the great things lie at the edge of your comfort zone. This year kicked my ass because I was vulnerable in ways that felt too raw at times. I allowed myself to need others. I allowed myself to love others through the broken places. I said my fears out loud and then ran head first toward them anyway. I made mistakes. I got okay with changing my mind and learning to love the journey even if its not the one I thought I’d be on when I took the first step. I can honestly say it was worth every minute of it because I’m happier than I’ve ever been and I earned it. 

5. Trust your intuition - it gets its cues from the unspoken level of energy. There’s truth there. Trust the little alarm bell that rings when you interact with certain people, places or things. You don’t need any permission to run for the hills when something doesn’t feel right. Additionally, when something seems crazy but you feel the need to do it, lean in to that too. 

With that said, although your intuition is 9 out of 10 times right on point, decipher intuition from the crazy in your head that feeds off fear. Differentiate “this doesn’t feel right” from “this scares me” or “stretches me.”

6. What you focus on expands - use the power of intention to craft the life you want. A year ago I set out with a vision to change my life. I wanted to live bigger. To live fuller. To be more whole. I knew I wanted freedom and I thought a good place to start would be location-independence.I had no clue how I’d get there, but I gave myself a deadline and talked to any and everyone about how I could make it happen. I focused my attention on it and I made it happen against all odds. Now I’m writing on a beach in Thailand with money to cover my lifestyle and no address to speak of.  

7. ....but be ready to let go of the reins because you can set the outline but God/the universe will fill in the details (or totally tear a part the plans you thought you had). I thought I’d be achieving all this as a part of a program with 30 other travelers. Yet here I am solo traveling. Prior to the last three months I’d never even taken a solo trip and here I am traversing South East Asia with nothing but my black girl magic. You never know where life will take you, but it will be beautiful, and scary, and hard, and the best thing ever if you let it. 

[jalisanwhitley]

Vietnam Part One - Hanoi, Pu Luong & Halong Bay

I can’t believe it’s already been a week in Vietnam. So far the trip has been AMAZING. This is the most comfortable and calm I’ve been since I’ve been abroad. The trip has been seamless and really given me a chance to get a bit of the culture thanks to Tonkin Travel. I’m really passionate about responsible travel and making sure I book with local tour guides and support boutique rather than chain hotels as much as possible while i’m here. Tonkin Travel has made that super simple. They’ve also made me feel like a VIP as every restaurant I’ve gone to has made a special menu just for me and the hotels have been great. 

They are a woman-owned company based in Hanoi and they secured local flights, airport transfers, accommodations, tours and tour guides, and most of my meals. I’m a control freak but with them I can really let go and feel confident that everything will run according to plan. Everything has been working like clock work!

Here are my highlights from the trip so far:

Hanoi Overview

I started the trip with a few days in Hanoi. It’s definitely a big city and the motorbikes are CRAY. You just have to walk through the traffic without stopping and pray that you don’t get hit. 

The first thing I did after getting off my 25+ hour flight was get a massage and facial at Essencia Hotel & Spa which was a quarter mile away from my hotel. I hadn’t had an amazing massage experience before (I tense up for some reason) so I had low expectations, but I needed HALP after that long flight. 

That hot stone massage was LIFE. I literally had thug tears of joy flowing and by the middle of the massage I was knocked out. The facial had my skin GLOWING. It was all so so so amazing. 

After the massage I went downstairs into the hotel’s restaurant and my first bowl of Pho. It was really good and at the end they gave me a free dessert of plum ice cream. I would definitely recommend this place. 

The second day I visited a bunch of the local sites including the Tran Quoc pagoda and the Temple of Literature/Temple of Confucius which served as the first University in 1070. 

(The crane on the back of the turtle symbolizes a long healthy lifetime of happiness.)

There are four sacred animals to the Vietnamese: the dragon, the turtle, the phoenix, and the unicorn. These symbols can be found throughout the buildings in Vietnam. 

The dragon represents power. The turtle represents strength and longevity.  The unicorn represents prestige, peace and good luck.  The phoenix represents nobility. In the temple of literature there are 82 steles of doctors placed on the backs of stone tortoises to underscore the importance of learning.  

Pu Luong Nature Retreat

The ride from Hanoi to Pu Luong retreat was about 3.5 hours through the really rural parts of Northern Vietnam. I didn’t realize how rural until I had to use a squat toilet. 

After the trauma of getting a little too into the native culture with the bathroom, I was happy to stop and try sugar cane for the first time. 

After a very bumpy ride we arrived at Pu Luong Nature retreat. This has been my absolute favorite thing so far. It’s so peaceful and beautiful here. The room and property were absolutely breathtaking.

After checking into the hotel I got a chance to grab lunch. The food was A1! Because I don’t eat meat they made a menu especially for me. Each meal was at least three courses and delicious! 

After lunch I visited the water wheels which provide water for the entire area. Vietnam as a whole is still a predominately agricultural city and most people make their living off of farming. 

Here’s a pic of me and my two guides. It was great to hear their perspective on life in Vietnam. I’m ashamed of how ignorant I was about the politics surrounding the culture. I didn’t know that China had just recently poisoned their waters, killing the fish and greatly hindering the livelihood of local farmers. Because of the country’s dependence on China they are reluctant to formally blame them, making financial retribution for the farmers even harder.  

After exploring the countryside I got a chance to take a bamboo raft ride. I made quite the scene getting off the raft as I did a split between two rafts on my way to shore and fell into the water *face palm*

On my second day I got to trek through the rice terraces and meet up with some of the local families to learn more about their work and way of life. 

(drying the rice)

My tour guide works as a technician on the resort and also lives in the community. He has a “good” job making $250/month to support his family. This is his house and his son (who is such a cutie!). It was very humbling to see how hard the community works in proportion to how much they make. 

Most people in the community make less than him and live based on a barter economy. 

I had tea at this man’s house as he smoked tobacco and got a chance to try my hand at silk weaving with his daughter. Sadly, I don’t have a future in silk weaving, but it was fun to try. 

Halong Bay Views 

My last few days in Hanoi were spent on Halong Bay with Halong Phoenix Cruiser. The cabins were very nice, the tour guide was friendly and sweet and the views were DOPE, but I’ve learned that me and boats just don’t get along. I was sea sick 75% of the time so I had to skip the kayaking. I did get the chance to visit the beach and do some cave trekking at Hang Sung Sot though. 

When I tell you Halong Bay gave views, I mean VIEWSSSSSS (Drake would approve). 

On our last day on the cruise we had a spring roll cooking class. Bae greatly appreciated me getting any and all the lessons I could LOL. 

Next stop, the past Capital of Vietnam - Hue! 

[jalisanwhitley]

Hitting the Reset Button in D.C.

I haven’t written in awhile because things have gone haywire. Little did I know that 2016 would be the year of so much shedding. Shedding my perceptions of myself, my insecurities and situations that don’t feel right. 

My most recent moment of shedding - I left the My Wander Year program. My decision came after a number of unfortunate issues with the program and my housing. When we came to the program we were met with a building that was undergoing months of ongoing and unanticipated building construction that was not disclosed to us until we arrived. Most of our apartments were not clean and still had food and household items from the last occupants. The construction was ongoing from 6:00 a.m. each morning to well into the evening each night, which made conducting professional business in my apartment or getting rest after working Eastern Standard hours very difficult. 

The straw that broke the camel’s back was coming home to rocks and debris on my just washed clothes in my apartment after leaving my window open to dry my clothes since we had no dryers in our building. On top of disorder at home I was constantly stressed by missed deadlines and a lack of timely and accurate communications from program staff. Even still it took me months to make my decision to leave because I was too afraid of what it would look like to my friends and family if the program I’d changed my life for didn’t pan out.  

After deciding to leave I was told that I would need to change my flights from Prague to Thailand because it would make people “uncomfortable” if I was on the flight even though I paid for the flight as a part of my initial deposit. After agreeing to change the flight date and getting no follow-up for over a week I was told that I would be responsible for flight change fees (for a flight I didn’t ask to change) and the cost of a new flight along with a program exit fee. 

Most hurtful was seeing behind the curtain to the way staff members talked about me in private messages, while encouraging my journey in public. I learned the hard lesson that not everyone who is watching your journey is rooting for you. My decision to leave totally rocked the plan that I thought I had for the year so I needed to take some time to regroup and decide my next step. 

Thankfully, I was able to visit D.C. for a week and reconnect with folks who know me and want me to win whatever that looks like. Ultimately, my conversations gave me the courage to decide to continue traveling on my own for awhile. They also allowed me to feel okay with stopping whenever it no longer feels right, even if it doesn’t align with my original plan.  

I firmly believe there are no mistakes - only choices that lead you to the lessons you need to learn. There were so many lessons I got out of this situation, but the top four lessons I learned are:

1. That I needed the permission to leave my comfort zone and the program gave me that. That was the purpose of the program in my life. It does not fit in the next step of my journey AND THAT’S OKAY. The last few months helped me to build a base of bravery that will allow me to continue this journey on my own. 

2. Intuition doesn’t lie. Before getting on the flight to Prague I didn’t feel 100% about the program due to some discrepancies in the contract but I chalked it up to fear. Those feelings continued for weeks but I ignored them because I was so afraid of what leaving would mean and what other people would think. I’m so thankful for the friends who got me together by telling me that what’s truly brave isn’t sticking with something that doesn’t feel right - what’s brave is living in your happiness, even if that means walking away. They let me know that coming home is never something to be ashamed of and reminded me that my journey is for me. That message was immensely helpful.

 3. Don’t let someone’s bad behavior take you out of your character. There were many times during this transition that I wanted to lash out for wrongs that were done to me, but at the end of the day that is not the energy I want to take on my journey. I can’t control people’s opinions of me or their actions, but I can control the energy I put back out into the universe and the way I react.

4. There. Is. No. Plan. I continually have to re-visit this lesson. This year is kicking my butt with this lesson, but there truly is no plan. There’s nothing wrong with life showing up differently than what you imagined. It’s not failure, it’s growth. All you can do is set out your best intentions and be flexible with the bumps and bruises that you collect along the way. 

From here the path is as murky as ever and I’m learning to sit in that discomfort. I know that my immediate next step is spending a few weeks traveling solo in Vietnam (I’m writing this post from the airport in Taiwan). From there the path is unclear. My only goal is to continue to grow and trust myself. Cheers to the next chapter! 

[jalisanwhitley]

Tell them about how you’re never really a whole person if you remain silent, because there’s always that one little piece inside you that wants to be spoken out, and if you keep ignoring it, it gets madder and madder and hotter and hotter, and if you don’t speak it out one day it will just up and punch you in the mouth from the inside.” In the cause of silence, each of us draws the face of her own fear — fear of contempt, of censure, or some judgment, or recognition, of challenge, of annihilation. But most of all, I think, we fear the visibility without which we cannot truly live… And that visibility which makes us most vulnerable is that which also is the source of our greatest strength.

Audre Lorde