You should defo write crow x reader x zira. Mayyyybe they repeatedly save the reader from peril because they don’t know the reader is practically indestructible for some reason? :)
Here you go, Nonny! Hope it’s what you were looking for :)
Babyproofing - AziraphalexCrowleyxReader
Aziraphale and Crowley are extremely protective of you. You find it rather sweet, if unnecessary. You’re more or less indestructible these days. Adam saw to that. Something about needing someone to “keep an eye on those two”. You can’t complain.
You haven’t mentioned your newfound immortality to Aziraphale and Crowley, however. You’re enjoying far too much the lengths they seem to be going to in order to keep you from getting yourself killed.
Two weeks after the apocalypse doesn’t happen, you’re walking across the street to Aziraphale’s book shop. You’re not even paying attention to the cars. You don’t really have to anymore. Aziraphale clearly doesn’t know this, however, because you see him spot you through the book shop window, eyes wide. You give him a little wave but instead of waving back he snaps his fingers and you find yourself standing beside him in the book shop. You blink at him in mild befuddlement.
“If you were that excited to see me, love, I could have come over earlier,” you say, the corner of your mouth turning up in amusement as your brain returns to your skull.
Aziraphale’s cheeks color and he tuts at you. “You need to be more careful, dear. You were nearly run down by one of those unobservant motorists.”
You smile a little wider and brush your lips against his cheekbone. “My hero,” you say, causing him to blush an even darker shade of red.
“Yes, well, I wouldn’t have enjoyed seeing you splattered all over the road, now would I?” he informs you primly, although his irritation seems to be fading in the face of your flirtation.
“I love you too, Aziraphale. Now what was it you wanted to show me?”
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The next time it happens, you’re in Crowley’s flat. You’re admiring his plants when you notice that one of them is laden with berries. You pick a few and pop them in your mouth and they’re incredible. The perfect combination of sweet and tart. They make your mouth tingle a little, but you shrug it off. Even if they’re poisonous, you’ll be alright.
You peruse the plants for a few more minutes, casually munching the handful of berries you’ve picked from the particular plant. You’re sure Crowley won’t mind. He can always miracle them back if he really takes issue.
As you’re walking around chatting to the plants about this or that, you feel a set of arms circle your waist and a pointed nose press into the crook of your neck.
“Stop being so nice to them,” Crowley says teasingly against your shoulder. “They’re going to think they can grow however they want.”
You laugh and reach up with your free hand to touch Crowley’s hair. “I’m not being nice necessarily. I’m just chatting to them.” You pop another berry in your mouth. “Oh! What are these, by the way? They’re really good.” You shove the berries somewhere in the vicinity of Crowley’s face and he picks up his head to inspect them.
“How many of those did you eat?” he asks you urgently, pulling away to turn you around and look you in the eyes.
“Dunno. A lot?” You frown. Must be poisonous, if Crowley is so concerned. You pop another one in your mouth, against better judgement. You’re beginning to notice a little buzz settling in, as if you’ve drank too much wine.
“Stop eating them!” Crowley explains, exasperated by your apparent stupidity. “That’s belladonna!”
Your mouth forms a little O of surprise and you hand Crowley the last of your berries. “Bit not good, that.”
“That’s the understatement of the century,” Crowley mutters under his breath as he miracles the berries away. “Hold still.”
You obey and he bends down to press his mouth to yours. You reach for him, drawing him in closer as the taste of the belladonna leaves your mouth. You momentarily consider the fact that there’s probably a hundred ways he could have unpoisoned you, but he chose to kiss the poison out of you. Something about that makes you love him that much more.
When he finally pulls away, you’re practically gasping for breath and all traces of the belladonna’s effects have left you. Crowley is looking at you incredulously.
“What were you thinking? You can’t just run around eating any berry that looks tasty. You’re worse than Aziraphale,” he says irritably.
The next day you find that the belladonna and some other fruiting plants (ones you assume are poisonous) have found their way up to a higher shelf, just out of your reach.
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It goes on like this for a few weeks, with each of them “saving” you more often than you care to admit. You were a little bit clumsy and careless before, but immortality has made you borderline reckless. It seems fine enough, although you notice that Crowley and Aziraphale have seen fit to start essentially babyproofing everything you come in to contact with.
They also keep trying to nonchalantly offer you emotional support, so much so that you’re beginning to wonder if they’re worried about you. They shouldn’t be. They were there when Adam gave you your immortality.
You finally get to the heart of the matter one day at breakfast. Crowley has very kindly made waffles (by which you mean that Aziraphale has coerced Crowley in to making waffles) and, when he hands you yours, he gives you plastic cutlery. You give him an irritated look.
“Alright, out with it. What’s with the babyproofing, hmm?” You gesture to your cutlery.
Aziraphale blushes and stammers in an effort to be delicate. “Well, my dear, we’re just a little concerned—” he starts.
Crowley cuts him off. “We think you’re trying to kill yourself and we haven’t been able to figure out how to bring it up.”
You blink in bewilderment. Somehow, this isn’t the response you were expecting. “What ever gave you that idea?” Sure, you might have struggled a bit in the past, but you aren’t about to leave Aziraphale and Crowley like that.
“I dunno. Walking into traffic, eating belladonna, complete disregard for your own safety,” Crowley says, looking at you in concern.
“Crowley is right, dear. Your actions of late don’t really inspire confidence in your mental state,” Aziraphale adds.
You frown, starting to feel a little bit bad. “Adam made me indestructible, remember?” you say.
“He what?” Crowley says as he and Aziraphale look at you in surprise.
“He basically made me immortal. Something about the pair of you needing someone to look after you. I just assumed that you two heard him but for some reason enjoyed rescuing me, or I would have said as much sooner. I’m sorry I made you worry about me.” You really do feel bad about the whole thing.
Crowley comes over and wraps you in a tight hug. Aziraphale follows suit and you hum contentedly as you find yourself squished comfortably between your two favorite supernatural beings.
“Try to me more careful, yeah?” Crowley requests softly. “Just because you won’t get hurt doesn’t mean we like seeing you in danger.”
“Fine,” you concede, resolving never to make either of them worry so much about you again.