#azraelspeaks

[undertheshepherdswings]

Do you want to go back? I do. I blew my chance and still am trying to get another. Not a human or a star anymore. Just a black hole. Result of the unpardonable sin. Looking for angels that will help us turn the wrath of God back to love. Can you help?

Get off my blog with that shit. No one needs to earn their way back. Not everyone fell because they fucked up.

[undertheshepherdswings]

The Hidden

My heart aches. I long to run my fingers over the sacred texts and read them without hesitance. This human tongue fails to speak. So speak for me, my sister. Sing to me in Hebrew and Adamic. Whisper sweet nothings in Enochian. My heart knows, though my ears do not. Heaven's voice is a radio, tuned low and slightly out of focus. Though unclear, my soul listens to the hidden wisdom spoken through the static. My brother plays the piano downstairs, pulling me out of the depths of my remembrance. Beyond the city, it begins to rain. Beneath our studio, an infant cries. Behind me, my sister's heart stutters in contralto and triple time. Anticipation hangs in the air. Tension builds but never breaks. -- We are used to disappointment. --T

[undertheshepherdswings]

Divinity and Damnation

I just want someone to pray to me, and to hear them.

I want someone to love me as I am, and let my heart open wide.

I want someone to worship me, both demon and angel.

I want to taste blood and grace and weep with joy and relief.

I want escape.

I want divinity and damnation in the same breath.

[undertheshepherdswings]

For my siblings

We can't return to grace in human vessels.

We are here, now. We are living, now.

We are here to live and learn and love. We are here to experience the glory and joy of humanity, no matter what caused our presence here.

I know you hurt. So allow me to share something dear to my family.

No matter what you have done, or will do. No matter where you have been or will be. No matter what you have said or will say. No matter the crimes of your past, or the sins of your future. If you are alive enough to be here, you are not beyond saving. If you feel pain, then you can feel joy, too. If Father didn't want you, I can assure you that you wouldn't be here.

No matter what, you are loved. You are wanted. You are needed. If you weren't necessary, you wouldn't /be/.

So take a breath and close your eyes. You'll be alright in the end. For now, treat your humanity as a gift. Remember your free will and embrace the chance to have new experiences. You'll return home soon enough.

The Flock waits with open doors. The Shepherd waits with open arms. You will not be alone forever.

[undertheshepherdswings]

Futility

Some days are, supposedly easy

In the sense that I am not moving.

Some are harder than steel

Because I am fighting myself.

Though no one can see my bruises

Or the scars I carry.

Unlike like my shredded wings

Unlike my tarnished and rusted halo

I do not carry them with pride.

Pray to me.

Call my name (do you remember it?)

Scream silently into the darkness

Until the darkness screams back.

And then I will know peace.

[undertheshepherdswings]

Freedom and Fear

It has been a long time. To the few loyal followers who may be left, I am glad that you’re here, and that you still believe in me. To those who decided to walk away, though you will not see this, I am sorry that I let you down. I hope that peace and love find you in the wake of my absence.

I aim to revive this blog and make it better than it was before. I want to resurrect it and breathe life into what was once a refuge for myself and others like me. If you do see this, and you follow me, drop a like or a kind comment so I can see how far my reach is. Thank you so much.

[undertheshepherdswings]

I want to say thank you to the people who have stuck by me, thought about me and tried to bring me cheer even when I was gone. Even while I was lost and at war with myself. You know who you are, and I'm grateful for you. Even though I didn't reply or text back, I know you're there, too. We are grateful for you.

[undertheshepherdswings]

☀️💐💚👯‍♂️🧝‍♀️

☀️: what was your awakening like and when? I'm going to stick with my angelkind awakening coz I've got quite a few types! It was kinda traumatic. I'd been having dreams about it and was role playing a what-if scenario with my ex-gf at the time. A bunch of memories suddenly came back and I cried. It was while I was in college (at 19).

💐: do you experience any other shifts? Umm mentally, I suppose. My way of thinking shifts and I look at things more cynically. More as they are: temporary and (mostly) meaningless.

💚: Favorite thing about your kintype?

Umm. The memories, I suppose. The memory of my grace and my power, and the memory of my family back home, to remind me that this is temporary and I'm not alone.

👯: any kin friends? I've got a couple. My ex and my friend Kaza.

🔗(emoji I related coz I didn't have the other one!): Do you have any gear? I guess so. I have a pair of tiny black wings my mom bought me for Halloween that help with wing dysphoria. I want bigger ones though!