Saw some New Warriors pics on Pinterest & they made me think...what the heck does Marvel have against them? 🥺
That original 90s comic era really was their best & nearly every run since then has been...😅 uh, not that. Plus no show? Dang, they need love! 😭
Ntm, idk about anybody else, but it'd please me to no end, if these characters got new hero names (the only genuine issue w/ them) & we saw them placed on the Champions or something, since the editorial plans for them in New Warriors got shot down
How'd they get Morbius' blood?Wouldn't Morbius have some sort of moral objection to a child potentially becoming like him? Why does he have hand suckers? Is he goth because of the prevailing vampire stereotypes in our society? What would his playlist look like?
After seeing the character designs for Marvel’s new series of New Warriors comics as well as watching multiple reaction videos and reading other people’s reviews, I thought I would summarize some basic points and add my ratings/review. Please prepare yourselves for this hot garbage.
Screentime: 3/10
wow starting off strong
looks like Ben 10
basically if Alexa was your obnoxious Fortnite-obsessed younger brother
writers will probably make him say “Ok bOomEr” and unironically floss
got his powers from internet gas????? whatever the fuck that means??????
Superhero name makes him sound like he’s six and his parents are trying to stop him from watching Ninja for 12 hours a day
useless in combat bc other than him having a smartphone for a brain he’s a regular kid (aka: will die in one hit from a villain with actual powers)
only redeeming quality is his visor reminds me of Geordi La Forge
Trailblazer: 3/10
Dora the Exploer if she got really into bad 90s fashion
Backpack looks like Sleeper from the Venom comics
her description says she “she doesn't think of herself as a Super Hero,” which is good because she isn’t one
slightly more useful in combat than Screentime because she could potentially pull an RPG out of her pocket dimension backpack or something
oh wait she can’t even control what comes out of it!!! nevermind!!!!
fucking Percy Jackson did this with Leo and even then he had his own powers as well as this
there were so many fat jokes/fatphobia in all the reviews i saw on youtube and it made me want to smash my head into a wall (not related to the review but I thought it was worth mentioning if anyone wants to look up any reviews after this)
I keep coming back to the color scheme and it’s just. so bad. Neon sucks especially when it is clashing with other neon
apparently she got the backpack from God, but “not the god you’re thinking of...” very cool writers. Real quirky of you. Can you be any more annoying.
fingerless gloves
Snowflake and Safespace: 1/10
oh god
oh sweet jesus
I don’t even know where to begin with these. the names? The costumes? The color scheme? Safespace’s fucking sideburns? help
ok let’s start with the names
it does not matter who you are on the political scale, where you are on the gender spectrum, or how okay you are with “”edgy/dark humor””- nobody who has even the slightest knowledge of 2017-era Twitter language will look at two superheroes named Snowflake and Safespace and think “these characters are reclaiming these otherwise insulting terms and using them as their own.” They will think the characters are a joke. It shows how utterly out of touch the writer is with modern day culture, which is not a good sign considering he’s writing modern-era comic with all teenage characters. Snowflake is an insult. It just is. The idea of a “safespace” has been demolished because of the way it has been used by trolls online. No amount of woke points and “flipping the script” is going to change that. It’s a sad attempt to pander to a very specific audience, and the writers still manage to make it feel like a slap in the face. This is one of the poorest attempts to make a new-age, hyper aware characterization that I have seen in a long time. It fucking sucks.
Also Marvel makes their first nonbinary character and they name them fucking Snowflake? Are you kidding me Marvel? I’m going to scream
Moving on to the costumes, they’re actually shit. It’s like if the Wonder Twins became semi-professional roller skaters who watched Tron once while tripping on LSD. Why do they have vests.
Why is everything Neon??!?!! Does the designer not know how value and complimentary colors work?! Can the saturation not be constantly at 100 please my eyes are suffering
Apparently their characters are just as obnoxious as their hair
“they see their Super Heroics as “a post-ironic meditation on using violence to combat bullying.” They're probably streaming this.” WRITERS HAVE YOU EVER INTERACTED WITH A TEENAGER. THIS READS LIKE A REDDIT POST DO YOU THINK WE TALK LIKE THIS
the best components out of these characters are the powers, and even then the powers aren’t extraordinary. Ice shurikens and force fields? Fine. A little standard, but fine. I just wish their powers weren’t so connotative with their names. I can’t fathom that someone actually approved these characters. This is exhausting.
B-Negative : 6/10
probably the best one out of them all
what every emo kid wanted to look like in 8th grade
a cohesive color scheme that isn’t trying to attack me through the screen
actually has super powers that aren’t googling things or pulling things out of a magical Jansport that not-God found at Target for $30
apparently this is where the creativity ends though because in the end he is literally just a vampire minus the immortality (why, you ask? I don’t fucking know. It’s like the internet gas everything is a shitshow)
“B-Negative ages like a regular person (or does he?) and he definitely drinks blood (or does he?)” I don’t care. (or does he? Jk I don’t fucking care. Stop trying to be quirky, writers. It’s not cute.)
“The world is a vampire…and so am I.” Hi what the FUCK does this mean
fingerless gloves
Final Thoughts
I am very tired
Marvel doesn’t know their audience at all
The creators of these characters tried to make modern characters despite being extremely out of touch, making the concepts already seem dated and unappealing
I’m honestly suprised they didn’t have a Hijabi character for those sweet sweet woke points ™
please for the love of god can I get some neutral colors once in a while. I can’t take this much longer
