I think the only group my mom actually got into was B.A.P. Yongguk's voice was really interesting to her. I hadn't ever really expect my mother of all people to really like anything I listen to since I'm sort of the black sheep in my family. I like all sorts of things they don't so it came as a shock when she ended up liking B.A.P.
Today, almost five months since they parted ways, my mom asked why I hadn't heard them anymore. Granted, I've been investing the better part of my time to LOONA (who I strongly recommend 😁).
I too had noticed since Yongguk's official album released and Youngjae's (who really surprised me) that I hadn't really gone back to listen to their music as when they were one.
I realized my mistake and the minute I had shuffled that same playlist I would listen to on constant repeat, it became clear to me why I hadn't listened to their music. As I sat there listening to Honeymoon of all damn songs, the tears just started flowing. The pain in my chest grew stronger and I broke down into a terrible mess.
I've subconsciously tried to hide my wounds because B.A.P was there for me through all the good times and hard times that I felt like I was okay. Or so I had believed so. Unlike big named groups, they sung about pain, loss, depression, anxiety, society, things that are sometimes looked down on in K-pop and things that someone like me, thousands of people like me seemed to find a home in.
I've suffered through so many things that sometimes I wonder how I'm still standing and all I can remember is the sound of THEIR music, THEIR voices and it pains me that it'll take years to hear that again. To hear them as one. The reason why I don't listen to them isn't because they're forgotten to me but instead I can't seem to cope with the loss of a group that saved me time and time again.
No matter how many years pass, I'm always a BABY. No matter how long has passed, I will always. ALWAYS wait for them because they've given me something I can never ever repay them for.