#babyvnotes

[babyvvv]

23 Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

Proverbs 4:23 

February 3, 2018 // 

[babyvvv]

Here’s to more self-love and self-growth

Life isn’t easy and I know it won’t ever be and if I don’t give myself the time and space to grow, I won’t. I’m tired of constantly finding myself in a loop of self-defeat or self-pity because of my failures and mistakes. I know that there will always be that voice at the back of my head trying to bring my self-confidence down and I’ve come to learn it’s normal. We are only human and there’s only so much we can take. I’ve learnt that it’s okay to have a day to yourself to focus on what you need to do to move forward and that it’s okay to reflect on your past but only to use them as a reminder that you are capable of overcoming difficult situations. This life of mine is a process but I’m learning to love myself more, learning to be more patient, allowing myself to grow at my own pace but not to rush. 

[babyvvv]

2018 //

I was in a toxic relationship last year, I guess you could say. I didn’t realize how much the emotional abuse impacted me until after I broke up with him. There were arguments here and there and then he cheated on me and that’s what broke me. Ever since then, I’ve had guys dm’ing me and hitting me up, asking to take me out and what not. So no, there hasn’t been just “one” guy who’s asked since then. But whatever, that’s not even the point. I’ve been having mad trust issues when it comes to guys coming in and out of my life. Now, you’re probably thinking “wow this girl is overthinking everything.” But anyways, back to what I was saying.. whenever a good guy came along, I realized how negative my past relationships have affected me and sometimes I have this habit of pushing people away because of it. And because of my past of me not being treated so well, I reject it. I tend to expect the worst of things. After my past relationships and especially my last one, it’s been hard to trust guys.. or just anyone in general and sometimes even myself. I always wondered how I even tolerated such a relationship for so long. 

Which comes to my next point, I overthink a lot of things and you’re probably not surprised with me saying that now after what you’ve been reading so far. Sometimes I feel like people don’t mean what they say, which is true. People do that, I, myself do that at times. But when you’ve caught someone in lies so often it makes you scared as heck. I don’t want to make these crazy assumptions and doubt a great guy or a great person just because of one bad person from my past. And when I do meet a great guy, I feel like he’ll be too good to be true. Like I’d be expecting him to lose it one day and leave. My last has led me to believe that I don’t deserve the best. I fear something good because I don’t want to lost it. I don’t want to get hurt again so I tend to try and ruin it myself first. But what I’ve realized that’s different about a great guy is that, if or when I push him away.. he’ll chase me and he’ll grab me close and to not let me leave. I need that wave of comfort knowing that even after arguments he won’t leave the second something goes wrong. I need that constant reassurance from him that everything will be okay. I need him to prove to me that I didn’t deserve anything that I got. I need him to redefine these horrible standards that I have and for him to choose to be the exception. 

Overwhelmed yet? Sorry. - something that I also tend to do a lot. Apologize, even for the smallest things, even for the things that weren’t even my fault to begin with. I guess I just need that reassurance from him telling me that everything is going to be okay. I guess what I’m trying to say is that, I’m scared to love again. I’m afraid to let anyone that close. In the past, I was able to love someone who was unlovable and intolerable. I found the good in them and took that chance on them and I never ever gave up on them. I just think it’s time to have that reciprocated. Getting into another relationship but with a great guy isn’t something that I’d be used to but it is something that I deserve. My best wasn’t good enough in the past and it was them that didn’t deserve me. I need to trust him and to trust him with my past because when I do tell him about my past and the people who have hurt me, I need to know that saying all of this won’t give him a reason to leave but a reason to want to stay. Someone in my past taught me about tough love and that vulnerability is a weakness. I’ve been strong for a while now and I had to endure a lot of things that I didn’t deserve. But all of it has made me more beautiful than you know. I’m still in the process of building myself back up and loving again. But this time, I want to do it right.

[babyvvv]

February 2, 2018 //

"Thank you for dealing with my shit and sticking around. Thank you, for being my best friend. You keep me going and you continue to support me. I am truly truly grateful for you, because now I know, that you're willing to go through hell as well, just for me. Love you babygirl. "

[babyvvv]

February 1, 2018 //

“Regardless of what others and even you yourself think, you’re beautiful inside and out. Don’t let people discredit your progress and keep grinding leanne. You’re fearfully & wonderfully made by God aight? You’re beautiful and don’t let anyone tell you you’re not.”

[babyvvv]

Him: "remember the question you asked yesterday?"

Her: "..there were a lot of questions i asked yesterday"

Him: "How long it would take me to move on if we separate?"

Her: "Oh yeah, but you already answered it. Well be both did.. "

Him: "Yeah but i didnt really say what i wanted to but i thought about it and.. How often in your life do you get to meet someone you can connect with. Somone who just knows and understands you, someone who you can call a friend but so much more. Its hard to find and encounter people like that. With you, being able to call you my friend and girlfriend, its special... It's something that every relationship should consist of. So I don't wanna be cliche and say losing you is like losing a part of me but in a way... losing you is losing a part of who ive become. Because of you I am who I am. So no... I would move on but I would never really get over you"

[babyvvv]

10 facts about me

1. I love God; He is my everything, i can count on him whenever because i know that he will be there for me no matter what

2. I love my friends and family, espicially Yfc; they are like my second family

3. i like to eat food : ) fave's: Bubbletea, rice, sushiiiii

4. Im kinda tall, 5'2.. i wish i wasnt

5. I love dancing, it just makes me happy

6. I am single ; )

7. I have 3 fave sports: Basketball, soccer and badminton

8. I am filipino

9. I play 2 instruments: Piano, and guitar

10. I LOVE TUMBLR

[babyvvv]

-.-

i just wish i was alone in this house right now. So my parents don't have to tell me " do this, do that"... every single.... URGHH. you're just sitting there watching t.v.... WHY CANT YOU DO IT YOURSELF? you have two feet.. use them -.-