Benjen Stark did not like war. He was not a born leader like Brandon was before -- before the Ironborn. He was not calm and strategic like Rhaegar. He wasn't a ruthless fighter on the battlefield like Robert Baratheon. Really, Benjen wasn't good at much of anything, particularly during wartime. Still, he was the son of a great house and the brother of the queen. It was his duty to fight, and so he did.
He thought that leaving for war the first time had been hard enough; the Greyjoy rebellion was the first time he'd gone to join the fight. It was hard for him to leave Winterfell, see so much hate and senseless murder, and come home as if nothing happened. For a long time, he cursed Balon Greyjoy every night and every morning.
Going to war the second time was different. Benjen was no longer a soldier in the crowd but a leader. At the Sack of Winterfell he served beside his nephew Rickard to protect his his old home, where he had lived thirty years of his life. He couldn't help but worry about his new home at Bear Island:Lady Maege; Lyra, Jorelle, and Lyanna; Alysane, Roland, Lily, and Rowan; and of course, his wife, his love, his beautiful Dacey Mormont and their precious Lynara. He didn't know if the Ironborn had made it to Bear Island or if Aly and Rowan had been hurt in battle. Little Nara...he didn't even know her, but she was all he could think about.
When he traveled to the New Gift, when he met Jeor Mormont, when he led men all on his own against the Wildlings, he saw women and children killed on both sides. Too many times he caught a glimpse of a woman's face and panicked, sure that it was Dacey lying there on the ground. Every wandering Wildling child without parents looked like Nara.
Benjen grew into a different man during the war. He still couldn't compare to Brandon or Rhaegar or Robert, but he thought he'd done better than anyone could have foreseen. He was almost able to be proud of himself, but then he'd think of Brandon or Jeor and wonder if there was more he could have done.
Traveling back to Bear Island took longer than Benjen had hoped. For days before he reached his new home, he rolled around in bed and could hardly sleep an hour. He wanted to be back to see his wife and his little girl and all the rest, but he thought it may be even scarier than going into battle. It was with great caution that he took the first steps off the ship when he arrived, scanning the dock for Dacey and their daughter.
