sobbing while a werewolf slams into me because it's pressing too deep and the knot's not even in yet

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sobbing while a werewolf slams into me because it's pressing too deep and the knot's not even in yet
i should wake up with my arms tied behind my back and a spreader bar between my knees. just pick me up by the hair and slide in while saying good morning
ideas for punishments when i miss my shot?
i'm just heading to bed
...did you need something?
also i've never been fully in subspace with someone and it's carving out a little pit in my chest
not /trying/ to seem unhappy with being aspec, but it really sucks that i get super anxious about hooking up with people bc i'm demi.
every once in a while I know and trust someone enough to want to hook with them, them immediately get concerned that:
1) I have a crush on them that i just haven't acknowledged yet. (and it's unrequited)
2) they have a crush on me I don't know about (and it's unrequited)
3) I actually shouldn't trust them and they're going to tell everyone we know
and all 3 stress me out to no end
another hot coworker (and friend) is leaving the company and i really want him to fuck me but i'm too scared to ask. i think he would too, i just a) want him to hurt me and b) generally get freaked out by the thought of hookups
my wand died and now i have to go to work hard :(