#backintothisbody

[backintothisbody]

Not a Book a Resurrection

I didn’t write this book to inspire you. I wrote it because I couldn’t live with the truth still burning in my throat.

Every sentence cost me something. Every chapter is a piece of my body stitched back together no audience, no spotlight, no help.

This isn’t healing porn. This is what it looks like when a girl rewrites her ending alone, in a dorm, while the world slept.

I wrote myself back into this body. And now I’m here to tell the truth.

Back Into This Body coming Oct 17

[backintothisbody]

THE KNOCKING NEVER STOPPED

I think one of the loneliest experiences a person can have is realizing they've been living beside themselves.

Not as themselves.

Beside themselves.

Like hearing a voice in the next room for years and never opening the door.

You hear it when something beautiful happens and your reaction feels delayed. You hear it when somebody asks what you want and the answer doesn't arrive. You hear it when you're surrounded by people and still feel strangely absent from your own life.

Most people assume suffering feels dramatic.

In my experience, it felt administrative.

A stack of forms I kept signing without reading. A series of small decisions that slowly transferred ownership of my life to fear.

Nothing exploded. Nothing collapsed.

The lights stayed on.

That's what made it dangerous.

From the outside, everything looked functional. Inside, something kept knocking from the next room.

Not loudly.

Just consistently.

I think that's why some truths make people cry when they finally admit them. Not because the truth is painful, but because they've been hearing it for years.

And for the first time, they stop pretending they can't.

I Wrote Myself Back Into This Body out now.

[backintothisbody]

You are not reading a book

you are holding the MRI of a soul mid-scan

one page still flinches when you touch it another exhales like it’s been waiting years

this is the quiet part of the story where you realise the main character has been running with something inside her and calling it normal

i didn’t write this to sound brave i wrote it because the silence was getting heavy

if you’ve ever rehearsed other people’s lines until they sounded like home you’ll feel this

the ending isn’t gentle but it’s honest enough to stand on

I Wrote Myself Back Into This Body Out Now :)

[backintothisbody]

I Was Never One Person

I kept finding fragments a laugh that never reached my eyes a pair of shoes that walked stadium laps through insomnia a voice that told the story the family preferred

I tried to bury them in fresh calendars pressed petals of new routines over the bruise renamed the ache ambition and let it win awards

But every night the house went still and the hallway lights hummed like a lie that’s when they crept out the versions of me that refused to stay dead the soft spoken one still searching for quiet the loud one still begging to be heard the detached one still hovering at the ceiling counting heartbeats like footsteps to an exit

I thought healing would feel like rebirth it felt more like an audit every ghost laying its paperwork on the table every false glow stripped back to wiring every borrowed sentence crossed out until the only language left was the tremor in my own handwriting

I am not new I’m what’s left after the burning and what’s left is honest enough

If you’ve ever tried to evict versions of yourself only to meet them in the mirror at 3am you already know the address of these pages

I Wrote Myself Back Into This Body out now

[backintothisbody]

The Wound Had a Name

I just did not have it yet

so I called it love personality bad luck my fault

I called it growing up being dramatic trying my best overthinking again

and because I did not have the language

I kept building a life around it

that is the quiet tragedy of surviving without words

you do not know what to leave

until the right name arrives

and suddenly what felt like fate

becomes something you are allowed to stop carrying

I Wrote Myself Back Into This Body out now :)

[backintothisbody]

Quiet Kind of Gone

I used to think being present meant staying in the room

but I have learned there are quieter ways to leave

you can answer you can laugh you can nod at the right time

and still be somewhere no one knows how to reach

that is the kind of absence people forgive because it does not disturb them

the kind that looks like maturity like peace like finally doing better

but sometimes what looks like peace is only the body making itself easier to survive

and I think that is why coming back feels so violent

not because you are becoming new

but because for the first time in a long time

you are refusing to remain conveniently gone

I wrote myself back into this body out now :)

I Wrote Myself Back Into This Body eBook : Hamid, Aya: Amazon.co.uk: Kindle Store

[backintothisbody]

Observing What Observes Me

we rely on emotions we are not our emotions

emotions are not there to own us they are there to be observed, to tell us something, like the inner child speaking

but if you do not take them as an observation and let them pass, they will end up observing you, leading you to paths you never wanted

because at the end of the day they are just feelings that keep turning like a fidget spinner reminding us that we are alive and that is what it means to be human

A Page From My journal

Aya

[backintothisbody]

How a Woman Returns

they called it healing because they did not know what else to call a woman dragging herself back from the dead without making a sound

they did not see the ash in her lungs or how she still flinched when tenderness arrived too quickly

some resurrections do not look holy while they are happening they look like exhaustion with good posture like smiling politely while the soul tries to find its way back

they called it healing but I think it was something darker than that

I think it was a body refusing to remain a grave

I wrote myself back into this body available now on amazon

Amazon.com: I Wrote Myself Back Into This Body eBook : Hamid, Aya: Kindle Store