𝐁𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐂𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐧
Why oh why must I go back? I've been saved, but I'm not living it. I repent and repent and repent, but have I really? I keep sinning and say, "God forgive me" then go right back to it. My goal of perfection is unobtainable. Jesus I need you. I know you're coming soon. I try to be perfect but I fail every time. When will this end? Why do I go back to my past? O God, please end this. Not wanting to die, but not wanting to live this way. How do I stop after doing this for years? You gave me a job but its moving me away from you. Too exhausted to even hear you. The enemy is battling me with lust and he's winning. Please, Lord, I just want to stop sinning. I know you're here, but I don't see you. You're right near me, but I don't feel you. You're speaking in my ear, yet I can't hear you. I want this cycle of lust to end. Everytime I partake in this sin, I'm attaching a demon. Rebuke, rebuke, but he's still doing it. Is it just my flesh? God, come save us. I don't want to be separated from you for eternity. Slipping, slipping, til I fall right into the Lake of Fire. All because I'm backsliding to my past sins. Trying my best but it sure doesn't feel like it. Can't do church because I know I'm wrong. You are with me wherever I go, yet I hide my face from you. I want to cling to you, something isn't allowing me. I need you Jesus to deliver me. Had deliverance before, but was I even ready? The beast paralyses me in my sleep. Scared to close my eyes because he will get me. But, I know you're there. I trust you. Even though I'm not listening to you now.
Don't let me be lost to my sin.
From,
A backsliding christian.