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Oh my god

It’s been AGES. I’m alive. Just really fucking busy.

Everything’s the same tho :/

today is my 21st birthday.

Birthdays are so depressing to me, mine specifically. Every single year, I dread this day. I’m filled to the brim with anxiety over not being loved enough, not being wanted enough, not being remembered enough. And every year, that’s proven to be correct.

I know it doesn’t really make a difference if someone wishes you a happy birthday the minute the clock strikes twelve or if it’s 8pm the day of, but it makes you fucking feel like you matter. Either I have the worst “friends” in the world or I’m just a lousy, forgettable person.

Writing it it makes me sound like an asshole. But these are people who I say happy birthday to at 12:00am. And if Facebook didn’t remind them or if I didn’t post anything about it, I don’t think they’d even fucking remember. Am I just being a sensitive coward? I don’t fucking know.

#baconsloth #21st birthday