#bad translation

[constant-complaints]

A text bubble reading, “They say age only comes with age…”

[themightytrex]

Red Dwarf quotes... but different.

Now kindly cluck off, before I extract your giblets, and shove a large seasoned onion between the lips you never kiss with.”

Rimmer, Stasis Leak.

"Call it extreme if you like, but I propose we hit it hard and hit it fast with a major - and I mean major - leaflet campaign."

"I've been so worried I haven't buffed my shoes in my two days."

Cat, Marooned.

Rimmer: "I've seen Westerns, I know how to speak cowboy."

[Steps up to the bar]

Rimmer: "Dry white wine and Perrier, please."

Rimmer, Gunmen of the Apocalypse

“I tell you one thing. I've been to a parallel universe, I've seen time running backwards, I've played pool with planets, and I've given birth to twins, but I never thought in my entire life I'd taste an edible Pot Noodle."

Lister, Demons and Angels

I wondered what Badly‑Translated Japanese RPG English Red dwarf quotes would end up like.. I had a bit of fun with a few other styles.

🗡️ 1. Badly‑Translated Japanese RPG English

Quote 1

“Now kindly cluck off, before I extract your giblets, and shove a large seasoned onion between the lips you never kiss with.”

JRPG version:

“Please depart from my destiny path, or I shall remove your sacred bird‑organs and place the Great Onion of Seasoning into the mouth of loneliness you possess.”

Quote 2

"Call it extreme if you like, but I propose we hit it hard and hit it fast with a major - and I mean major - leaflet campaign."

JRPG version:

“If you believe it is extreme, then so it is. But we must strike with strong power and fast courage, using the Legendary Leaflet Technique of Great Impact.”

Quote 3

"I've been so worried I haven't buffed my shoes in my two days."

JRPG version:

“My heart is trembling with worry. For two whole sun‑cycles, I have not polished the sacred foot‑armour.”

Quote 4

“I’ve been to a parallel universe… but I never thought in my entire life I’d taste an edible Pot Noodle."

JRPG version:

“I have journeyed to mirrored worlds, battled the reverse‑flow of time, and birthed twin star‑children… yet never did I imagine the Pot Noodle of Edibility would appear before me.”

🧀 2. East End Cockney

Quote 1

“Now kindly cluck off, before I extract your giblets, and shove a large seasoned onion between the lips you never kiss with.”

Cockney version:

“Right, do us a favour and jog on, yeah? Before I yank out yer bleedin’ innards and wedge a big ol’ onion in that gob you ain’t never snogged with.”

Quote 2

"Call it extreme if you like, but I propose we hit it hard and hit it fast with a major leaflet campaign."

Cockney version:

“Say it’s over the top if ya want, but I reckon we go in ’ard and go in quick — proper full‑on leaflet blitz, no muckin’ about.”

Quote 3

"I've been so worried I haven't buffed my shoes in my two days."

Cockney version:

“I’ve been that stressed I ain’t even polished me shoes for two whole bleedin’ days.”

Quote 4

“I never thought in my entire life I’d taste an edible Pot Noodle."

Cockney version:

“I’ve seen some right weird stuff, but I never thought I’d live long enough to eat a Pot Noodle that ain’t rank.”

🚗 3. New Jersey

Quote 1

“Now kindly cluck off, before I extract your giblets, and shove a large seasoned onion between the lips you never kiss with.”

New Jersey version:

“Alright pal, how ’bout you get the hell outta here before I rip out your damn insides and shove a big seasoned onion in that mouth nobody’s ever wanted to kiss.”

Quote 2

"Call it extreme if you like, but I propose we hit it hard and hit it fast with a major leaflet campaign."

New Jersey version:

“You think it’s extreme? Fine. But I’m sayin’ we go in hard, go in fast — big leaflet push, real serious stuff.”

Quote 3

"I've been so worried I haven't buffed my shoes in my two days."

New Jersey version:

“I’ve been so freakin’ stressed I ain’t even shined my shoes for two damn days.”

Quote 4

“I never thought in my entire life I’d taste an edible Pot Noodle."

New Jersey version:

“I been through some wild crap, but I never thought I’d live to see a Pot Noodle that actually tastes like food.”

🔫 4. Mob Style

Quote 1

“Now kindly cluck off, before I extract your giblets, and shove a large seasoned onion between the lips you never kiss with.”

Mob version:

“Listen, friend — walk away nice and slow, or I’m gonna pull out parts of you the doc don’t even got names for, and then I’m stuffin’ an onion in that useless mouth of yours.”

Quote 2

"Call it extreme if you like, but I propose we hit it hard and hit it fast with a major leaflet campaign."

Mob version:

“You can call it extreme, sure. But we’re hittin’ this thing hard, hittin’ it fast — full‑scale leaflet operation. Nobody’s gonna forget it.”

Quote 3

"I've been so worried I haven't buffed my shoes in my two days."

Mob version:

“I been so damn tense I ain’t even shined my shoes for two days. That ain’t like me.”

Quote 4

“I never thought in my entire life I’d taste an edible Pot Noodle."

Mob version:

“I seen universes fold, time run backwards, miracles happen… but an edible Pot Noodle? That’s the real freakin’ shock.”

[freakylittlegoat]

I'm just innocently looking at crates when

[cat49]

yep, that's who that is

[tiktoks-for-my-besties]

[rmelster]

reading classic’s old translations to Spanish in which the hispanisize the characters names has got me thinking, did Russia and English-speaking countries do the same? If so, does that mean that, there is a book sitting quietly in a forgotten antiquity shop in St. Petersburg about the bloody struggle between Semyon Ivanovich Bolivar and Pavel Lavrentyovich Morillo for the sovereignty of America, and does that mean there is some fading encyclopaedia in a garage sale in Gloucester in which the eminent Spanish dictator is some guy called Francis Frank

[yudokuhana]

nahh sega wtf

bro I play on GLOBAL TF also it's only this dialogue, from after you finish the new mafuyuu event

[the-davest-of-uncles]

🤣 Happy Star Wars Day, Captain!