the signs as things my brother has texted me at 1am
[my brother texts me the most ?? stuff this is probably really off but w/e, he's fun to make fun of]
aries: this dog is on my lawn and im ready to fight its owner and claim it as my own
taurus: did u eat today i will make u eat ur food (but not mine obv)
gemini: this kid punched me in the dick today and i threw him into the pool do you have any money for mcdonalds
cancer: why are crabs really so pure and cute like people dont like crabs enough theyre fine keep doing what ur doing crabs
leo: i walked into a mannequin today and asked it if it had a problem with me being there
virgo: the same kid that punched me in the dick told me to be more mature im trying not to cry
libra: today i helped a lady cross the road but then i walked her back when she said that donald trump was good
scorpio: i want my boyf back but i know its better for all of us if we stay separated do u know good placed to get ice cream
sagittarius: how tf do you spell sartorious im used to calling him jacob saggytits
capricorn: im not drunk but im using reverse physiology because then ull think i am, but im not why did i choose to study mathematics im a fucking genius
aquarius: why dont i just fucking join the army i want to fight for my country and get all the bitches
pisces: what kind of name is fucking becky? like what the fuck who names their kid becky thats such a dick move
