Get LOUDER...w/ ME
You guys….let’s be dixie and keep twisting - Who has the vantage point now? Let’s see… I’m going recent mental breakdown = where we/I landed. Honestly, it made me realize that I had more to deal with than I realized. See, remember my breaking-badly-moments? And even my more recent breaking-bad-momma-moments? Well, I found my way back to more than I had before I started breaking in the first place. I could break this down so many ways…so lets take a turn - and do it.
1. Da Hood - You guys…my most recent hood, aka my neighborhood, is actually a safe place. And it’s my new safe place. And It doesn’t matter how safe, because my neighbors witnessed my weakest moments and are still living next door to me. They saw my happy - and then - they saw my break - and then they saw me slowly pick up my shit (with my big girl panties on) - and continue to handle my shit - LIKE A DAMN BOSS - might I fucking add. 2. My Home Town Squad - aka MY good guys…this part is funny as all get out. Back in the day, when I was breaking the bad rules, I used to hate (OR get sketched out badly) by the 1st Responding Type of Hero’s, especially the PO-PO. But be clear - that is because I wasn’t backing the kind. Before I broke, yes - badly - I would have never walked toe-to-toe in a hood I didn’t (and still don’t, kinda) belong in, strictly because I knew there was nothing there for me but what I had already left in my past. And I wasn’t going there, ever again. And even in my worst moments, I didn’t think I could do it without somebody else literally driving my car. I wanted to go - but I wanted to run shot-gun. Eventually, I FOUND myself, and realized that I could drive straight through and literally SEE the good guys having my back. 3. MY OG Squad - These are my guys. Remember, you can be who you want these days, so boy/girl/he/she bullshit don’t belong here. You are who you are in my world. Within the last 5 years I have literally cut or lost every single “friend” that I had…or so I had thought. But - eventually medication came before meditation and I started beauty&da-beatn it... and that made me start thinking about the people from my past that I wished upon a sleepless night were still around. One by one I started talking to “my good ones” and realized some pieces from my past just didn’t fit with the puzzle I was building. 4. What Mattered - Anymore: Here is where we can go sideways. I learned that by backing my kind, most of my past didn’t matter in the way I was previously carrying it. By that, I mean, I was proud of my past, but I wasn’t willing to share it, with people I thought couldn’t bear to hear the weight it had been causing me. And now, I can’t stop sharing. And I don’t want too. Because - the_real_world really does exist, for more than those willing to admit. 5.What Didn’t Matter - Anymore: and here we can do upside-down…with no idea what way is up. Right now, I am more worried about learning what I don’t know, than using what I already know. And I know that is wrong in a broken-type of work, where mental health comes last - but its gotta come with a stand. And that past simply has to gotten got…so to say.
My Short-Term Purpose - to learn to let go. But still speaking figuratively. See - I don’t let go. But I am willing to forgive, in order to move on. And I finally get what that means…it just took awhile to understand how far I could take it….but that lead me back to a road of good(ones) I had yet to learn(about)...
