9 and 14 from the bagginshield asks!
Hello! Thanks for dropping by with an ask :)
9. Let's get personal: When do you think Bilbo started to have a crush? When he realised he was in love with Thorin? When he realised Thorin was The One? What about Thorin? When the crush started? Did he deny at first? Was the prejudice a escape mechanism? When he realised he was actually in love with the halfling? When he realised Bilbo was his Ghivashel?
There’s a lot of questions in this one! Buckle up, I have a lot of thoughts so here we go;
When do you think Bilbo started to have a crush?
I think Bilbo was very reluctantly crushing from the start 'he’s beautiful and majestic and he sounds like thunder but he’s an ass oh lady why does his signing haunt me so’ but this developed into something much less reluctant first after Balin explains his history and how he’s spent his life atoning for the sins of others to help his people and then after the trolls, where Thorin firstly came charging to the rescue and then took a big risk in order to protect Bilbo from harm and Bilbo then had to contend with ‘oh he’s got a tragic backstory and he’s honourable and heroic too boot how am I meant to cope with this’
When he realised he was in love with Thorin?
I think he realised his reluctant crush turned full blown crush turned hopeless pining was actually love was when the eagles were carying them to the Carrock, after Bilbo had looked around and saw the dwarves couldn’t help save Throin, saw Azog and a whole pack of orcs and a blade at Thorin’s throat and realised that yes, he was going to throw himself in front of all of that to save this grumpy, abrasive, doubting dwarf because for him, there was no other choice and then he didn’t even know if it had worked - Thorin is lying limp in an eagles claws and I think that fear is enough to break through his repression of just what exactly he’s feeling.
When he realised Thorin was The One?
I think he was most of the way there by the Carrock, but any doubt or lingering ability to repress the idea vanished before the Master and the people of Laketown.
What about Thorin? When the crush started? Did he deny at first?
I’ll answer these together. I think he worked hard to Bilbo at arms length at first - I think it’s armour he developed after years of having what I think is a heart that cares deeply battered and broken by what’s happened to him. So he’s cynical, and judgemental, and doesn’t think much of the fussy gentlehobbit Gandalf has insisted upon. I think the first real, significant crack in this exterior comes after goblin town, when Bilbo upsets Thorin’s entire understanding of him by turning up and then very succinctly validates one of the biggest wounds Thorin carries and shows how he will risk everything he holds ear, in order to return the thing Thorin once held but lost to him.
Then, when Bilbo throws himself at an Orc to protect him, it finished off turning Throins understanding of Bilbo completely on it’s head. I think it’s after this point that Thorin really allows himself to see Bilbo - and that the crush comes swiftly after.
Was the prejudice a escape mechanism?
I think it’s a defence mechanism. I think Thorin’s had his faith in people rocked severely from a young age - he watched his grandfather value gold above all morals, watched an ally to his kingdom turn his back on starving people, watched his father lost to madness in battle. Undoubtedly he’s experienced the worst of people as he tried to find a new life for an entire kingdom of people.
He’s lost trust in people that had earned it. He will not grant it to a creature that inspires absolutely no faith in his ability to assist in the one thing Thorin feels he must do, else he will have failed.
When he realised he was actually in love with the halfling? When he realised Bilbo was his Ghivashel?
I think his feeling escalated quickly after the Carrock. By the time Thranduils holds them prisoner, Thorin has so much faith in Bilbo he’ll bet their entire quest upon him. I think once they’d connected in that way, he’s quite honest with himself about how he feels, and I think his feelings develop quickly.
So I think when Bilbo turns up at the door of his cell with the keys - or possibly, in laketown when Bilbo testifies to his honor.
14. If you self project when reading/writing: Are you Bilbo or are you Thorin? If you don't, who do you think you would be? Why?
I don’t think I really self project. In some ways I’m more of a Bilbo (sass and repression and fussiness) and I’m definitely more attracted to Thorin than Bilbo, but often I empathise with bits of both of them - I’m a Thorin in that I’m often the person things fall to, who feels responsible and takes charge and resolves things.
