so the discord girlies were telling me to post this… here’s a lil love confession thought/fic, based on an idea from @fat-fem-and-asian about barbara having a Christmas Carol-esque dream about the life she could have had with melissa…
so melissa’s sleepy and rolls out of bed to answer the door and barbara’s just in a state.
“geez, barb, it’s barely light out, what are-“
“i need to talk to you.”
“i- okay, yeah. come in, let me make some coffee or something-“
“melissa,” and barbara grabs her hand before she can turn around. it’s cold outside and melissa wants to drag her into the house but barbara’s afraid to enter, afraid she’ll be turned down and have to open that door and leave again. stays just outside the boundary, blames her shaking on the breeze.
“is everything okay? what’s wrong?”
barbara parts her lips, gaze stumbling over melissa and trying to get her bearings, still sleep-addled and blinking through flashes of raising the girls with melissa — of christmases and halloweens and sparkler summers and easter egg hunts — of late night leftovers and kitchen bickering and back porch wine nights and a bedroom that’s just theirs, no one else’s — of falling asleep in melissa’s arms, in her lap, against her neck, and waking up still there. she sees her missing life flashing before her eyes and she just wants the rest of it so badly that shes petrified. she can barely speak.
and melissa’s worried, takes both of barbara’s hands and tries to tug her into the house. “babe, you’re freezing. did something happen?”
“none of it happened,” barbara breathes in a daze, staring down at melissa’s hands — gripping them tighter.
“you’re scaring me; please talk-“
“melissa, i’m in love,” barbara starts, then her breath hitches between the words — she swallows, looking up into melissa’s eyes. her lip trembles, and she tries again. “i’m in love, with you.”
and melissa doesn’t believe what she’s hearing, because it’s always been a bit off the table — it’s been flirtation, maybe playful touching, playful kissing — maybe a couple wine-drunk kisses that went too long when joe was breaking her heart or gerald was breaking barbara’s spirit, but now they’re here with nothing in between, and she’s saying love, she’s stamping that word to melissa and it doesn’t compute, it isn’t allowed, it isn’t for her-
“what does that…” melissa bites her cheek hard to keep from crying or breathing or showing any emotion yet, “mean, what does- what do you want me to-“
“you, melissa, i’m- let me finish, just let me…” barbara looks melissa over, trying to collect herself, trying to take in this moment. to breathe in it. to know what she wants to say, and throw out all the other things she doesn’t. “i want you.”
“can you just come inside?”
“i want to be with you,” barbara continues anyway, breathless. “there’s nothing else; just you. i’m in love with you.”
“please come inside,” and melissa’s sniffling now, probably from the cold, and barbara shakes her head, squeezes melissa’s hands-
“and i know it’s been so long-“
“barbara, please just-“
“-and you’ve waited too long, i’ve made you wait so-“
“barb, god, just come here,” and barbara finally hears the tears in her voice, and surrenders to the pull of melissa’s hands, and sinks into a tight embrace — melissa dragging barbara into her home and collapsing against her neck, tears against her shirt and early morning hair all ruffled in barbara’s face, and barbara’s heart is pounding against melissa’s chest…
and it’s quiet for a moment, just melissa’s silent sobbing chest and barbara’s tears tracking down along her ears. and she screws her eyes shut and waits as long as she can.
“melissa, say something.” you’re scaring me.
that’s when melissa inhales a huge breath, and draws back with flushed cheeks and glossy eyes and just takes barbara’s face in her hands and looks intently in her eyes, and asks lowly, “are you sure?”
barbara wants to laugh in her sweet little face. “am i sure? honey.”
“because i am so-” melissa almost laughs too, but it’s deeper in her throat, “so miserably in love with you. you know that.”
barbara’s eyebrows arch. “do i?”
“don’t you? fuck, barbara-“
and that’s all she needs — melissa drags her by the jawline, pulls her into a kiss that’s so full of mess and tears and clumsy height adjustment and cold tile and warm breaths and the door creaking to a soft shut behind barbara — and it’s like that deja vu when you walk into real life and it’s just like your dreams. she kisses melissa and for the first time, it feels just like her dreams.
