#bang-tan

[river-is-daddy]

lucien: *on the phone with pablo* ... just... get me on the phone with someone that can help me get out of jail, okay? i need to get out before my dad realizes i'm not home.

pablo: fine. *hands phone to ernest* ernest, you got a call.

ernest: this is e-nush. don't smoke bush when i got you the good kush.

lucien:

lucien: ...god dammit, pablo.

lucien: i'm in jail right now and and i'm talking to our drug dealer?

ernest: hey! i'm not just a weed dealer, okay? that's just my side hustle. my main squeeze is musical.ly.

[river-is-daddy]

hugo: okay, let's back pedal on this whole "fuck, marry, kill" thing.

hugo: brian said he saw robert write someone's name down for "marry" but then crossed it out.

dadsona: yeah! we need to know who he'd marry.

robert: *mutters* brian's making shit up. i wrote no one. he's lying.

brian: i'll give you a hint. it's the dad with the biggest-

dadsona: ego?

joseph: finger?

hugo: IQ?

craig: muscles?

damien: house?

mat: music collection?

mary: peni-

robert: oh my god- NO!

robert: it's the dad with the biggest wallet, okay?!

robert: WALLET.

dadsona: what? i don't understand-

robert: I REQUIRE FINANCIAL STABILITY!

[river-is-daddy]

robert: where the hell is damien?

brian: damien lost his passport.

mat: damien lost the one thing you thought he'd never lose.

robert: his virginity?

mat: no, the other thing.

robert: oh, his passport.

[river-is-daddy]

joseph: okay, real talk: what are we going to do for the annual dad talent show?

craig: bros, don't fret. i have a plan. what do ladies and men like more than watching sexy-looking men dance?

joseph: when we write them heartfelt messages?

robert: what are you? 12? no!

craig: they love watching us dance to baby-making music.

[river-is-daddy]

damien: you got any idea for the annual dad talent show?

hugo: i do, and you're gonna love it.

hugo: it involves edible cheese string, wrestling-themed stripper heels, and all 56 volumes of your precious yet freakishly large sasunaru yaoi fanfiction collection.

damien: ... i don't know...

hugo: if you're feeling vanilla, we can take out the cheese string and add in melted chocolate instead.

damien:

damien: i'm in.

[hwarangs-say-what]

soo yeon: but for real, though- what are we going to do for the hwarang party contest?

sook myung: we have to top sun woo rapping, ji dwi singing, ban ryu's magic show, and soo ho and yeo wool doing god-knows-what, which won't be that hard.

ah ro: girls, han sung. don't fret. i have a solid plan.

ah ro: what do bitches love more than watching girls and guys dance?

han sung: when we send them heartfelt messages?

soo yeon: what are you? 12? no.

ah ro: bitches love watching us dance to baby-making music.

[hwarangs-say-what]

soo ho: if that makes me a 'cheater' for this game, then you can all suck my-

ban ryu: i'll suck my own dick. thanks.

[hwarangs-say-what]

soo ho: you got any ideas for the hwarang party?

yeo wool: i do, and you're gonna love it.

yeo wool: it involves edible cheese string, stripper heels, and all 56 of your precious yet freakishly large queen ji so merchandise collection.

soo ho: ... um... i dunno, yeo wool...

yeo wool: if you're feeling vanilla, we can take out the cheese string and add in melted chocolate instead.

soo ho:

yeo wool:

soo ho: i'm in.