One if by Land, Two if by Sea: Pt. 2
*NSFW...thank you all for your kind words and support, I hope you enjoy part 2 as much as part 1!*
You wanted to freeze, no—you wanted to turn and run. To run out into the cold New York night and disappear down in the catacombs of the metro and never look back. Was this real? Were you imagining him? Had all your wishing and reminiscing somehow manifested a ghost of him? Was this some kind of trick, a tulpa created by countless hours in meditation at this very spot?
You moved closer, the bar blurring into a vignette around him. He was drinking what you knew was scotch and his hair was greyed considerably around the sides. His torso looked the same as it always had, broad and strong.
“How’s the weather out there?” Felix’s voice pulled you from your daze and Rafael looked up at you from down the bar.
“Frigid.” Your eyes locked with Rafael’s, and you felt the anger begin to mount in your chest.
“Watch the bar…I’ll be back in five.”
You stood there, a few paces down from Rafael, in the middle of the bar. You heard the familiar squeak of the hinges on the door as Felix went out to take a smoke.
The bar was empty. Just the two of you.
“That’s my seat now.” You spoke, keeping your voice strong despite your emotions pulling you every which way.
He didn’t speak. He stared at you, his eyes wide and filled with the weight of an emotion you didn’t care to identify at the moment.
“You’re gone. That’s my seat now.” You took a step forward and you saw his hands twitch on the glass he held.
“You left. That’s my seat now. That’s where I sit. It’s mine.”
He was silent but as you slowly stepped forward you could see his lips parting as if he were about to speak but they closed again. You paused and felt your hands begin to shake as your chest nearly burst with the anger and pain you felt. It was all too much.
“YOU TOOK SO MUCH FROM ME! YOU’RE NOT TAKING THIS TOO!” You yelled, your ribs shook with the force of the inhale you took after.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He spoke finally, his voice careful and almost tender.
“For which part? For what, Rafael? I need to know what you think you did, I need to know if I lost my fucking mind—if I imagined it. Did I make it up, Rafael?”
You didn’t give him a chance to answer as you placed your bag on the bar, still 8 feet or so away from him.
“Did I make this up?” You unzipped part of your bag and pulled out a small emerald green felt box.
You held it up in one hand pinched between your forefinger and thumb.
“No. You didn’t make it up.” His voice was calm and his eyes tracked from the small box back to yours.
You chucked incredulously.
“You promised me—you promised, Rafael. And you left. You left.”
“I know I—“
“YOU LEFT ME!” The straw that broke the camels back.
You could take being yelled at in court and in your firm and you could dish it right back but in this moment you felt as if you’d blown up 10x your size only to shrink just as quickly.
The two of you had met again for coffee a few days after the first night at Forlini’s, and then for dinner at a little place in the village. There had never really been a discernible moment where things turned from friendly to romantic. It just always was as it was. The comfort you felt in each other’s company had been such a pleasant reprieve from both of your busy lives. He made time for you and you for him, and the more you got to know him you realized just how huge of a deal that was. You still remembered the swell of emotion you’d experienced when the receptionist buzzed you to let you know you had a delivery at the front desk. When you arrived you saw the most beautiful bouquet of deep orange and yellow roses you’d ever seen. There was a small card with them, clipped to a long plastic apparatus within the stems. “Dinner? - R.E.B.” Only at that moment did you register that it was Valentine’s day. You wondered at that moment if you’d ever stop smiling.
Dinner that night was wonderful, a gorgeous place on Barrow Street. The two of you laughed so much that night, god how you loved the way his eyes crinkled when he laughed. When he smiled, really smiled, his whole face changed, his nose wrinkled just like his eyes. When the two of you were alone his laugh was loud, and his entire chest would shake, in public he was much quieter but that only made his face all the more expressive.
That night, on the street outside your apartment he pulled you towards him, smoothed the hair above your ear and stared at you for a few moments before pressing his lips to yours. You felt everything so intensely in that moment, the movement of the wind around you, the heat of his body through his long tan coat, but most profoundly his lips, tenderly but firmly moving against yours. You couldn’t remember the last time your heart had soared so high. Perhaps when you were a child, very, very young before anyone had the chance to harm you. Your mind felt as if it were full of static, coherent thoughts impossible to find. He pulled you into a tighter embrace, encouraged by the enthusiasm of your lips, and with his arms around you you felt as if the world could stop right then, everything could explode into fiery inferno around you and it would be alright. You were right where you were meant to be. Right there on a well worn street in New York City, in the arms of the man you loved.
You loved him.
You’d only known him for a few months but you loved him. You were in love with the way he sassed and quipped at you, the way he argued cases with you, never giving you any mercy knowing that he’d met his match in you. You loved his hair, the way it felt as it filtered through your fingers when you ran your hands through it. And his hands, god his hands. So unrelentingly masculine and strong. You loved his eyes, the deep viridian color of them so easy to get lost in. On occasion he’d catch you in a state of admiration and he’d smirk, another one of your favorite qualities.
The two of you would work late into the night, side by side on your respective projects—both at ease knowing you shared the same sentiment, separate but together. Two people as busy as you both were would find it incredibly difficult to make a relationship work. But figuring out that tandem work was an option greatly increased the time you could spend in each others company.
The first time you slept together, shockingly enough was a few weeks after your first kiss. Your relationship never felt rushed, perhaps that was because no one knew about it but the two of you. You never mentioned him to your friends, especially your work friends because it was very possible they’d worked against him in a case or two. And as you’d come to find out Rafael didn’t leave very many friendly impressions on those he went up against. In conjunction with the fact that you wanted to protect this relationship for yourself, you didn’t need anyone else’s commentary or much less their opinion. It was obvious that Rafael was a good bit older than you were but it never felt that way. There were a few moments you saw a flash of insecurity in him, mostly when you mentioned Sonny but the most prolific moment being when you were hit on in a coffee shop while picking up your order from the bar. It had been a younger guy, presumably close in age to you and quite good looking in a suit and tie. You’d dismissed him kindly but when you returned to the café table to give Rafael his coffee you could tell he was bothered. It surprised you that he felt insecure or threatened, for as far as you were concerned no one in the world could tempt you away from him.
A few nights later he’d come to your apartment for a night in, with the promise of an evening of movies and Rafael Barba hand picked bottles of wine. He’d hardly made it in the door before the two of you were at it, hands everywhere, lips everywhere.
God it was incredible. You remembered thinking “So, this is what it’s like to be truly attracted to someone.” A novel idea. So many people settle for a fragment of attraction or even less, simple appreciation, you’d certainly done so in the past. But this, this was electric, it was chemical, unbearably delicious and all consuming. The feeling of his large, heavily veined hands sliding up the skin of your thigh made your stomach spin in the most delightful way. Seeing his eyes staring up at you while his mouth made contact with your core was enough to nearly drive you mad. He hardly had to do anything at all, the concept was erotic enough, Rafael Barba, New York ADA consuming you with such unbridled desire and need.
When you returned the favor you were delighted to discover exactly what made the ADA so cocky. He was more than substantially endowed, his cock just as veiny as his hands in an amusing parallel of nature. You thought at that moment that you’d never have to give Rafael a blow “job”. Putting him in your mouth was a privilege and an irresistible pleasure. As he laid back on your cream colored sheets, his head pushed back in ecstasy, you decided that you’d spend the rest of your life giving him the greatest and most intense pleasure you could. Seeing him lost, brow furrowed and beaded with sweat like that was the most exhilarating power trip. He was such a force of nature in life, easily overshadowing anyone else in the room but here and now he was completely at your whim, moaning for you and only you. It was euphoric, seeing him wrecked, so uninhibited and breathtakingly nude laid out in front of you.
Then in a whirlwind you found yourself underneath him, his muscular arms tenting over you.
“Please…please Rafi.” That was the first time you called him that, a nickname that filled his eyes with adoration whenever you said it.
He slid the crown of his cock along your slit, teasing you while ensuring there was enough lubrication for what came next. Feeling him inch into you was exquisite, it was cinematic. As he began to thrust into you you gazed up at him, wondering if he felt as fulfilled as you did. You didn’t have to wonder long.
“Mierda, dios mio.” He moaned in a gravely low tone that sent chills through your body.
The two of you had continued that way for a while before things grew more passionate, more animalistic. It seemed as if the two of you were in a competition to convey just how much you desired the other. Rafael had lowered his head to your neck, sloppily biting and sucking along your skin. Everything was a blur, more feeling than thought. To this day you couldn’t think of anything to compare it to. It was more than fucking, it was more than making love…it was something entirely etherial and yet so grounded and tangible.
But to put it more concisely, he fucked the hell out of you. His hips drove into yours with a force that was breathtaking, a force that exercised orgasm after orgasm from you, each one a different shade and feeling. Your toes cramped from so much flexing and curling, a sensation which usually would fill you with pain and irritation, but now it only heightened the pleasure.
“Let me hear you, espléndida. Dígame, tell me how good it feels.” Rafael pulled back into a near seated position, grabbing your hips from where you laid, pulling you into him as he continued to thrust into you.
You shrieked in pleasure, the sensations and his words nearly too much to bear. He grumbled indecipherably at you, his eyes dark and filled with lust as he slid his hands up your stomach and to your breasts, kneading them harshly. That was the final card that brought down the house. You clenched around him as you’d done so many times already, but this time your body was in full view to Rafael and while fighting to keep your eyes on him you saw him lose hold of the ledge he was so desperately clinging to.
You felt his release fill you, hot and abundant. After a few shaky and shallow thrusts he stilled. After looking you over one more time he collapsed next to you, his hair smattered chest heaving and beaded with the sweat of his exertion.
“That was the most…incredible experience of my life.” The ADA panted.
You’d exhaled in agreement, your legs still shaking.
He would continue to express the same sentiment in different words every time the two of you had sex. And you believed him. Every time was better than the last, just as exciting and enthralling as that first union. The both of you were so sensitive to the others body, and you quickly learned how to drive the other wild.
The last time you’d been with him you came in his arms, seated in his lap, the both of you facing one another, as close as two people could possibly be. You didn’t know it would be the last time, and despite the grief of later knowing it had been you wouldn’t change a thing. You found comfort in knowing that the last time wasn’t sad or filled with angst and frustration, it was filled with pure eroticism.
Staring at him now, his muscular arms perfectly displayed in the fitted long sleeve shirt he wore, you were reminded of how you’d felt wrapped up in them. It reminded you how much you’d longed for them, how much you’d longed for him.
“I was wrong. I…I fucked up, Y/N. I’m sorry. Words cannot…I cannot ever tell you just how wrong I was.”
Rafael looked truly aggrieved, his eyes heavy and sullen, an expression you’d never seen him wear.
“Why?” Your voice broke, as tears you’d so long denied poured down your reddened cheeks.
He stared back at you, his mouth opened but faltered and fell shut speechlessly.
“Why, Rafi?”
