Oct 20, 2017
Total Punstar
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Total Punstar
Bobby Knight: When asked about playing with the Chinese.
A true Bobby Knight story recalled as best as can be remembered from the "Morning Briefing" section of the L.A. Times:In the '80 Olympics, the U.S. basketball team, coached by Bobby Knight, played and beat the Chinese team handily. When asked about the win, Bobby said, "It was a lot of fun playing the Chinese, but an hour later, we wanted to play them again."
More Baseball Jokes
Why is it so windy at Candlestick Park? (Home of the San Francisco Giants)Because of all the Giant Fans!
A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so the catcher walked up to have a talk with him. "I've figured out your problem," he told the young southpaw. "You always lose control at the same point in every game." "When is that?" "Right after the National Anthem."
What is the difference between baseball and law?In baseball, if you're caught stealing, you're out.
A baseball player is sitting on the bench along with the coach. Suddenly, thecoach starts saying, "Germany, Italy, Spain, Britain." The guy looks at him andsays, "Huh?" to which the coach replies... "Europe!"
What do you get when you cross a tree with a baseball player?Babe Root.
Confucius say that baseball very funny game; man can walk on 4 balls.
Top Ten Signs You're Not Watching A Real Baseball Team
From Late Show with David Letterman; Monday, February 20, 1995.Top Ten Signs You're Not Watching A Real Baseball Team 10. You recognize batter as the kid who sold you a hot dog a couple minutes earlier. 9. Everytime a player slides into second, he busts his hip. 8. They keep shouting "Do over!" 7. When umpire yells, "Strike 3!" batter looks at him as if the dude's speaking French. 6. Try as they might, they just can't scratch themselves like professionals. 5. First base: Siskel. Second base: Ebert. 4. Game stops when some lady in a house near the stadium shouts "Dinner time!" 3. Players constantly adjusting each other's cups. 2. You overheard the coach yelling, "Run, Forrest, run!" 1. They play like the Mets
Teacher's Strike
Heard on Jay Leno:And here in L.A., there's talk of a teachers' strike. You know, if they ever strike, here's what they should do: The striking teachers and the striking baseball players should switch jobs. You see, this way, the teachers would get paid what they deserve, and the players would get paid what they deserve.
Top Ten Baseball Player Demands
From Late Show with David Letterman; Friday, August 12, 1994. Top Ten Baseball Player Demands[In case anyone has od'ed on O.J. Simpson coverage or for those who might for some reason not know, the major league baseball player strike began today.]
10. No team flights on Continental Airlines. 9. Goodbye boring baseball hats, hello festive sombreros. 8. Make it legal to cork their pants. 7. Baseballs with delicious chocolate centers. 6. No more reports from that old guy up at Woodstock. [In reference to the live reports tonight from Calvert] 5. Two words: Streisand tickets. 4. Every team has to have at least one player named "Mookie". 3. Plenty of dugout Slimfast. 2. Put an on-deck circle in Madonna's bed. 1. More games against the Mets.
Dave Barry "Sports Is A Drag"
Our [softball] team usually puts the other woman at second base, where the maximum possible number of males can get there on short notice to help out incase of emergency. As far as I can tell, our second basewoman is a pretty good baseball player, better than I am, anyway, but there's no way to know for sure because if the ball gets anywhere near her, a male comes barging over from, say,right field, to deal with it. She's been on the team for three seasons now, but the males still don't trust her. They know, deep in their souls, that if she had to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she probably would elect to save the infant's life, without ever considering whether there were men on base. - Dave Barry, "Sports Is A Drag"
Pete Rose Moving to Seattle
The rumor is that Pete Rose is thinking of moving to Seattle. Yes, he wants to get as far away from professional baseball as possible. (The Seattle team has had seven consecutive losing seasons.)