I don’t like just. Accepting things, and tolerating them. I do it a lot. I tolerate a lot. Probably a lot more than I should. Bc I understand that not everyone around me holds the same values, has had the same experiences, considers things the way I do.
But when I decide not to tolerate something, speak out against it, only to be ignored, belittled, or told ‘you overreacted’, it reminds me how fucking insignificant my opinions are. So I give up, and let it go, and let people do and say what they want, even if it chafes my values and morals as an individual.
I feel like I’m just being conditioned to accept everything and to never be upset. And it’s working. And I hate that. Aside from the fact that I AM upset, I just let it fester for a few hours until I ‘feel better’ and ultimately the issue comes up again and I feel bad. Again
But I still just let it fester, every time, and I don’t approach the problems. Bc I feel like I’m unable to. I don’t have the energy to argue or debate sensative topics with people nine times out of ten, so I feel like I’m giving up on myself. Every time.
But it doesn’t matter??? Right just, because when I do bother, I’m out of line, and the one being unfair.
Maybe I am. Maybe I’m not. But I still hate the feeling of everything that I’m passionate about getting shoved back down my throat just because someone can’t get off an easy, offensive joke around me all the time, or because I’m not comfortable with someone interracting with someone else, or bc I JUST DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT. And I just give up. Again.
It’ll keep happening, too.