#batshit barty

[moonyswarmsweaters]

[Overprotective uncles]

Young Luna: Hey, Mummy ?

Pandora : Hi, What do you need sweetie?

Luna: Well, some kids were picking on me today, and not thinking about it, I told Uncle Bat and Evy when they picked me up.

Pandora: Go on...

Luna: They left. I'm worried that They’re going to go beat them up or something. Can you go stop them?

Pandora: They won't hurt a child.

Luna: They won't?

Pandora: Never.

Luna:

Pandora:

Luna:

Pandora: *sprints out the door*

[doomedtokill]

a study of the human body

Test Subject : Barty Crouch Jr

Findings : inconclusive- more documentation required

irregular heartbeat, underdeveloped brain with excess activity in certain areas, abdominal area is permanently damaged likely as a result of abuse, unexplained scaring on left shoulder blade…more testing required

Report By Dr Rosier

[moonyswarmsweaters]

Uncle Bee and uncle Evy with baby luna- a canon interaction Barty: Okay Luna, there are 206 bones in the body, but! I’m gonna teach you how to dislocated someone’s body in 230 ways-

Pandora: Barty, She’s a child

Luna:

Barty: Oh yeah! You’re right.

*turns around for a few moments before turning back with puppets over his hands*

Barty, in somewhat a kermit voice: Hi kids! We're going to show you how to dislocate someone's body! Let's start with the Clavicle region. Do you know where that is?

Pandora: Oh my god

———*after a while*———

Evan: Wait what did you teach her?

Barty: There are 206 bones in the human body...

Evan: Barty! She is a CHILD!

Evan: If you are fighting an opponent your age Luna, there may be up to 270 bones in the human body. Children's bones ares still fusing together. Here is how you can use that....

[moonyswarmsweaters]

Uncle Bee and uncle Evy with baby luna- another canon interaction Pandora: Where's Luna?

Evan: Barty's playing dress-up with her

Pandora: He is?

Evan: *shrugs* She was upset about some kid in kindergarten calling her names

Pandora: That's sweet of him, distracting her like that

Evan:

Evan: Sure. That's what he's doing

Meanwhile

Barty: *going through Luna's closet* Now these shoes have a reinforced sole, meaning your kick's gonna be twice as painful

[moonyswarmsweaters]

Obsessed with the idea of Slytherin Skittles true crime podcast that is just them reading over real crimes and pointing out each of the criminal’s mistakes.

once, someone repeatedly sent them hate comments saying they could never do better causing Batshit Barty and the gang to go “Bet”

A week later, A newly freed child abuser who didn’t serve his time was found dead with the exact same MO they said in the latest episode of the podcast with none of the mistakes they pointed out. No one could prove they did it yet everyone knew.

The podcast continued as usual.

[moonyswarmsweaters]

*Even and Barty enter the dorm covered in blood (again)*

Regulus: I don’t want the details, Just tell me if it’s a kink thing or do you actually need my help burring a body this time