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Well shit, turns out there's actual studies and stuff about the trauma I experienced as a baby and now it doesn't seem so impossible that that is what caused my plurality.. I'm still not sure if all of it counts as trauma, but there's a few studies on one part of it and not much on the other part, let alone the two together.. but that's better than nothing, yeah??

#idk yall #can i get a second or third or fourth opinion on this please #very premature birth and loss of an identical twin shortly after birth #turns out theres studies on premies + trauma and studies on twinless twins + trauma but no premie twinless twin + trauma..#what do yall think??????#text #battytxt #thebox.sys

The disorder sure is dissociating today 😔

We're so blurry and switchy it's vertigo-inducing because of how different we are OUGH

#thebox.sys #battytxt #contxt #remitxt

it's hard to tell if this whole "Remi" thing is just a natural progression of the self or if i am in fact, someone different. i dont think im drastically different, but i do feel kinda like ive been refreshed or rebirthed in a way. "Batty" feels a lot more like an OC or a facet of who i am now, and that ive like... evolved?? into "Remi". i still like going by "Batty" but i dont really identify with it to the extent that i used to.

much to think about but i have beads to sort so i dont have time for that 👍

#thebox.sys #battytxt #remitxt

im telling our doctor physio man that im done. if im stressed out enough to be here then something has to change. fuck.

#contxt #battytxt #mostly connor rn #thebox.sys

i cant tell if im just having some natural progression of the self or if im someone else entirely ._. like idk im not NOT me but like. once again. im in my grunge era. and it feels distinctly separate from the frilly puppy dog moments but also not. idk. weird stuff. just wanted to put this somewhere.

#thebox.sys #battytxt #< maybe. perhaps. idk man

i think its time to make a fresh pinned post, since we did get diagnosed with Unspecified Dissociative Disorder recently and also our structure/hierarchy (???) has changed. we've kinda given up on figuring out whos fronting most of the time, unless its really distinct or something. its been interesting going through the diagnostic process after figuring it out a couple years ago because we've really gotten so much better already. our Major Depressive Disorder has even downgraded to Persistent Depressive Disorder :3

#dont really wanna pin our diagnoses for everyone to see but dont mind sharing in a post.#also have to figure out whos like. still around. we havent really done a headcount in awhile.#thebox.sys #battytxt #there has been no proofreading because i am being brave

in therapy the other day, we brought in a headcount list with general age ranges, and it went over pretty well. therapist hasnt diagnosed us with anything, and she wants us to see a psychiatrist (psychologist? i can never remember the difference) to get a proper eval, but my understanding so far is that this is as close to diagnosed as im gonna get until we get the eval.

told my brother on the car ride home and he handled it really really well. he then said that i already told him. so hey, i guess we dont have to worry about that.

been feeling a little soupy. not sure if im fully me or if i need to let the wheel go for a little bit. very exhausting. honestly im fading as i type this so we're gonna be blurry in the morning ._.

#battytxt #thebox.sys

Things have been so wonky lately. I'm not entirely sure why. Also there's some fresh notebooks to add to the pile of things we have to bring to our next therapy appointment 🙃

#gonna have to bring a whole bag. no way we can be discreet about bringing like 7 notebooks. man. ._.#battytxt #thebox.sys

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