A few days ago I spent my night crying because of jealousy. My boyfriend went out with his friends that night and I wouldn't answer my texts, but I saw his girl friends' snapchat stories with him in it. My thoughts went crazy... I was SO broken bc he was having fun without me. It broke my heart to see him happy without having me around. We've been together for almost 2 years now and I love him so so much. I try my best to control my jealousy but it hurts so bad (tag bcah)
Hello.
I am so sorry that you are struggling with jealousy right now and have spent the night crying due to this. I know it can hard in a relationship not to get jealous and a little bit of jealousy can be healthy but I hope I can help you with how you are feeling.
I know our minds can jump to all sorts of things when our boyfriends don't answer our texts and it can drive us crazy. We wonder why they aren't answering and our mind goes into overdrive, I get it I have been there. But it is important to realise that just because he isn't texting us back does not mean he doesn't love us or we don't make him happy. He is out with his friends and is probably having a good time and is too busy to answer his texts. I know whenever I am out with my friends I am hardly looking at my phone because I can't stop chatting, it doesn't mean I am having more fun with them over another person it simply means that I am just busy at that moment.
It is healthy to have our own separate friends even when we are in a relationships and when we hang out with our friends (especially if we hardly see them anymore) it can be hard to try and spend time with them in person whilst also going on your phone and texting your partner. Maybe he just wants to relish the time he spends with them and just wants to put down his phone, this world is full of technology and sometimes it is nice just to hang out with friends without going on our phones. It is nothing personal to you and like I said it doesn't mean you don't make him happy buy sometimes space is necessary. Seeing and texting our partner all the time can become unhealthy as we all need to do our own thing sometimes.
Obviously it can be hard to see your S/O out and having fun with other people, seeing the happiness on his face in snap chats it is easy to get jealous. But like I said you need to remember that just because he is out having fun with his other mates it doesn't mean you don't make him happy. His mates make him happy and so do you and that is totally okay. It is healthy to have time apart, time spent with friends and time to do your own thing and it doesn't mean that those things make him happier, it is just that we don't have to spend all our time with our S/O.
I do think that maybe you should talk to your boyfriend about how you feel. He will then be able to reassure you that you do make him happy and that just because he is out having fun with friends does not mean he doesn't love you or doesn't like to be around you, it is just he likes hanging out with friends too. You can then also express that you understand he needs to go out with friends but you don't want him to completely ignore you when he is out, you know he isn't going to be on his phone all the time but maybe he could send you a few text messages throughout the night so you will feel better about things. That way he isn't unintentionally ignoring you but he also doesn't have to feel pressured into constantly being on his phone to text you.
I would also advise you to do something when your boyfriend is out with his friends. Make your own kind of fun and that way you aren't constantly looking at your phone waiting for your boyfriend to text back and you aren't overthinking things. Focusing on the situation will make you and things worse so just doing something else can help.
Ask your own friends to hang out with you- You can either hang out at each others houses or go out and do something.
Go for a walk and explore an area of where you live- There are tons of places just waiting to be explored that you've never noticed or had the time to visit.
Go to the movies- You can do this by yourself or with others.
Go to a coffee shop- You can people watch, bring your laptop and entertain yourself either with a movie or by doing work on there.
Watch a movie- Put on your favourite movie to watch.
Colour- Such a fun and relaxing activity.
Do a puzzle- This will keep you busy for hours.
Pamper yourself- Take a nice bath, put on a face mask/hair mask, use a bath bomb, shave your legs, moisturise, paint your nails etc.
Courtney♥