The below passage from "when the violence causes silence" for the ask game, if you'd like:
For a moment, his life without Buck flashes before his eyes. He sees how losing another parent shatters Christopher. He sees himself cold and bitter and lonely. That future scares him more than anything else in his life has. It drains every ounce of warmth, hope, and life left in him until he’s nearly collapsed over Buck, but he doesn’t stop. He’ll do this until his fingers can dig into Buck’s chest, wrap around his heart, and cradle it as he pours every ounce of love he possesses into it, willing that spark to be enough to bring it back to life.
The machine begins to beat with a steady rhythm as Buck’s heart flutters to life under his hands. Eddie’s own heart finally starts to beat again as relief lights up every nerve. He sags over Buck, his hands rubbing up and down Buck’s sternum, fingers still clawing for Buck’s heart. He lets the weight of his relief drag him down until his forehead rests against Buck’s chest, the thump thump thump of his heartbeat bringing him the only kind of solace he has ever known.
Hello my dear! Thanks for the ask 🤗
(This is one of my favorite passages from that fic)
When I wrote this it was just a few hours after the release of the first promo where we saw Eddie scream for Buck. My brain was scrambled and yelling and out poured this. I just couldn't stop thinking about how this was going to devastate Eddie and I personally thought that for the most part he would be thinking about nothing more than the present, only focused on getting Buck to safety and then when he had to do compressions and could really FEEL that Buck was gone then he would be distantly thinking about his and Chris' future without him and that would power him through and give him the strength to give everything he had to get Buck’s heart beating again because no part of him could accept that.
Like with most everything else, Chris gives him the strength he needs to fight and keep going and Eddie utilized that and tried to pour that into Buck. He wanted nothing more than to remind Buck that he couldn't leave them, that they needed him, that Eddie didn't want to do any of it alone and go back to raising Chris by himself, that him and his son losing their best friend would utterly destroy them both.
And I thought it would be poignant to have this dichotomy, where, yes, this scary future and what he is losing is giving him strength, he is also unbearably weak in the face of it all and almost not able to keep going but does anyway (if that makes sense)
And then when Buck’s heart starts beating again thats when Eddie really lets go, just enough that he can comfort himself with the feel of Buck and the sound of his heartbeat, because he did it, Eddie was able to fight for all of them long enough for it to make a difference and that relief nearly takes him out.
I think this is definitely a vital moment for everything else that follows in the fic because it really hits him (like a lightning bolt 😏) what his life would be without Buck and he truly understands in this moment that he truly can't live without him and he wants to ask Buck for it all. He wants to have the chance for them to be something more and give in to the overwhelming love between them. This moment is the beginning of where Eddie gets the courage to tell Buck he is in love with him. After all, you never know if you have tomorrow, so you gotta tell the people you love how you feel now.
send me a passage from one of my fics and I will give you the equivalent of a DVD commentary on that snippet
