#be normal challenge: failed

[glasshouses-and-stones]

dylan strome could have my kidney if he wanted it idk man

[smytherines]

Do you have any curtwen headcanons that you've never gotten the chance to post for whatever reason?

I think I've only mentioned this one briefly once or twice, so:

Remember the casino scene where Curt pulls a silver lighter out of his pocket to try to light Tatiana's cigarette? To me, that is Owen's lighter. The last time he was in Curt's apartment, maybe a few months before the fall, he left his lighter and half a pack of cigarettes on Curt's bedside table. And Curt didn't move them in all that time. When he's home (which isn't often) he falls asleep looking at the half-smoked cigarette still dangling out of the ashtray. And he smiles. And he thinks "Owen will finish it next time he's here."

Once Curt gets home, after he has lost everything, he walks into his bedroom and collapses on the bed, and he stares at those cigarettes. And he realizes that Owen will never be in his home or his bed or his life ever again, and it's his fault.

He tries to smoke one of the cigarettes and he can't stop coughing, but the smell reminds him of Owen, and he doesn't care how much it hurts he just wants to be reminded of Owen.

Eventually he puts the cigarettes away in a drawer. But he keeps the lighter on him. He flicks the lid open and shut as a stim. The noise and repetitive movement and the memory of Owen grounds him when he starts to have flashbacks and panic attacks. He flicks the lid open and shut and some part of him feels like Owen is there, helping him through it.

When he goes back to spying, he brings the lighter. When he has a flashback in that casino in Monte Carlo, he immediately feels for Owen's lighter in his pocket, and it helps his heart rate return to normal. When he goes to light Tatiana's cigarette it almost feels as if Owen is there on this mission with him.

And after Curt kills Owen again, he can't look at his face. He can't stand the see the bullet between his eyes. He reaches into Owen's inner right jacket pocket and fishes out a pack of cigarettes- because of course even nearly dying wouldn't have convinced him to quit. He pulls Owen's lighter out of what used to be Owen's leather jacket (before Curt claimed it and Owen sighed and said it looked better on him anyways) and he lights a cigarette, and the full force of four years of grief burns his lungs until he is gasping and sobbing and rubbing his thumb over a patch of exposed skin near Owen's ankle until Curt can feel that his body is finally cold.

Shit. I guess I am having one of those nights. Sorry, anon. Hopefully that answered your question?

[samuelroukin]

wish i was the kind of person to write thoughtful things about my babygirl but every time i hit that post button all that comes out is how much i need his breast milk 🥛 slurp slurp

[monitorkernelaccess]

I deleted and/or restarted everything but I still feel like I’m dying