He was not pleased, that much was easy to read in his face. But, without further argument, he took me in his arms and sprang lithely from my window, landing without the slightest jolt, like a cat. It was a little bit farther down that I’d imagined.
“All right then,” he said, his voice seething with disapproval. “Up you go.”
He helped me onto his back, and took off running. Even after all this time, it felt routine. Easy. Evidently this was something you never forgot, like riding a bicycle.
It was so quiet and dark as he ran through the forest, his breathing slow and even—dark enough that the trees flying past us were nearly invisible, and only the rush of air in my face truly gave away our speed. The air was damp; it didn’t burn my eyes the way the wind in the big plaza had, and that was comforting. As was the night, too, after that terrifying brightness. Like the thick quilt I’d played under as a child, the dark felt familiar and protecting.
I remembered that running through the forest like this used to frighten me, that I used to have to close my eyes. It seemed a silly reaction to me now. I kept my eyes wide, my chin resting on his shoulder, my cheek against his neck. The speed was exhilarating. A hundred times better than the motorcycle.
I turned my face toward him and pressed my lips into the cold stone skin of his neck.
“Thank you,” he said, as the vague, black shapes of trees raced past us. “Does that mean you’ve forgiven me?”
I laughed darkly. “I don’t think you’re going to get off that easy.”
“I’ll earn your trust back somehow,” he murmured, mostly to himself. “If it’s my final act.”
“I won’t lie to you, I don’t think it’s going to be easy.”
“I should have expected that.” He sighed.
He’d slowed to a walk—I could only tell because the wind ceased—and I guessed that we weren’t far from the house. In fact, I thought I could make out the sound of the river rushing somewhere close by in the darkness.
“Well—“ I struggled to find the right way to phrase it. “I think it’s fair of me to feel the way I feel. You’re going to have to rebuild that trust. And I think I’m going to struggle for a while with feeling like I’m… enough for you. That you won’t leave again because I’m not enough to hold you.”
He stopped and reached around to pull me from his back. His gentle hands did not release me; after he’d set me on my feet again, he wrapped his arms tightly around me, hugging me to his chest.
“You’re hold is permanent and unbreakable,” he whispered. “Never doubt that.”
“You never did tell me…,” he murmured.
“What your greatest problem is.”
“I’ll give you one guess.” I sighed, and reached up to touch the tip of his nose with my index finger.
He nodded. “I’m worse than the Volturi,” he said grimly. “I guess I’ve earned that.”
I rolled my eyes. “Easy with the self-loathing, okay? Like you said before, the Volturi may not think of me again for fifteen or twenty years.”
He waited with tense eyes.
“You can lie to me again,” I explained. “You can break my heart all over, make me feel like an idiot for giving you back any trust.”
Even in the darkness, I could see his anguish twist his face—it reminded me of his expression under Jane’s torturing gaze; I felt bad, but I had to tell him the truth.
“Come on, now,” I whispered, touching his face. “Don’t look like that.”
He pulled one corner of his mouth up halfheartedly, but the expression didn’t touch his eyes. “If there was only some way to make you see that I can’t leave you,” he whispered. “Time, I suppose, will be the way to convince you.”
That seemed like a good plan. “Okay,” I agreed.
His face was still tormented. I decided to change the subject by bringing up inconsequentials.
“So—since you’re staying. Can I have my stuff back?” I asked, making my tone as light as I could manage.
My attempt worked, to an extent: he laughed. But his eyes retained the misery. “Your things were never gone,” he told me. “I knew it was wrong, since I promised you peace without reminders. It was stupid and childish, but I wanted to leave something of myself with you. The CD, the pictures, the tickets— they’re all under your floorboards.”
He nodded, seeming slightly cheered by my obvious surprise in this trivial fact. It wasn’t enough to heal the pain in his face completely.
“On the one hand,” I raised an eyebrow, “I’m very annoyed with you for taking my things. I think it, like a lot of your other decisions, did more harm than good.”
He winced slightly, his eyes were unbearably sad.
“However,” I continued, “I guess I appreciate that you left something with me. It does help your case a bit that you really did care about me.”
“I do care about you, Beau.” He stared intently into my eyes. “More than anything.”
“Maybe I knew that on some level.” I shrugged. “Maybe that’s why I kept hearing your voice.”
“You heard my voice?” His voice was confused but his eyes sparked with some excitement. “Really?”
“God, it sounds pathetic saying it out loud.” I winced.
I sighed. “Sometimes, I heard your voice” I admitted. “At first, I thought I was going crazy. Maybe my brain was trying to help me through everything, I don’t know. But whenever I was in… danger or doing something risky I wouldn’t hear my own voice trying to reason with me, I’d hear yours.”
He looked slightly confused, so I tried to explain further.
“Okay, do you remember what Alice said about the extreme sports?”
He spoke the words without inflection of emphasis. “You jumped off a cliff for fun.”
“No, technically I jumped off a cliff to prove I could be brave and do something on my own without a pack of wolves or a bunch of vampires protecting me.”
“And before the cliff, with the motorcycle—“
“Motorcycle?” he asked. I knew his voice well enough to hear something brewing behind the calm.
“I guess I didn’t tell Alice about that part.”
“Okay, well, I learned how to ride a motorcycle while you were gone.” I cleared my throat nervously. “And when I first got on it… I… heard your voice telling me not to.”
“Hmm,” he let himself smirk a bit. “Well, I can take some small comfort that your mind, at least, has some sense of self-preservation.”
“Ha ha,” I narrowed my eyes. “It wasn’t the safest behavior but I learned a lot about myself, and I definitely think I’m a braver person because of it.” I sighed. “And, maybe, a part of me—deep down—knew that you hadn’t completely stopped loving me.”
As I spoke, some part of me recognized that there was genuine truth to what I said. Perhaps it was part of the reason I had such a hard time moving on.
The disproval was evident in his voice, “I can’t condone you risking your life to hear my voice.”
“I wasn’t risking my life to hear your voice.” I pointed out. “It was just a side effect of a very broken heart.”
His face was sad and anxious again. There was a deep silence before he spoke.
“I wish I could make you believe how much I love you, Beau.” He sighed. “I wish I could show you that there is no end to my love for you—that I want you, exactly as you are, for forever. I will always belong to you; my heart is always yours. Nothing can change that.”
Though his eyes were still anxious, the crooked smile I loved best flashed across his face. “Truly, I do.”
My heart inflated like it was going to crack right through my ribs. It filled my chest and blocked my throat so that I could not speak.
“Will you take me back, then?” His voice was hopeful.
“You have a lot to make up for, Edward Cullen.” I finally said, my voice serious. “This isn’t something I’m just going to get over, and you don’t just get a free pass. Even though I love you, and you love me… you have to rebuild my trust in you. If you think you can do that, if you promise me you’ll work hard to earn my trust again… you understand?”
“Yes sir.” He said like he always used to.
I smiled, “Then I can probably manage to take you back.”
A look of deep, sincere relief washed over his face. He took my face tightly between his cool hands and kissed me until I was so dizzy the forest was spinning. Then he leaned his forehead against mine, and I was no the only one breathing harder than usual.
“You were better at it than I was, you know,” he told me.
“Surviving. You, at least, made an effort. You got up in the morning, tried to be normal for Charlie, followed the pattern of your life. When I wasn’t actively tracking, I was… totally useless. I couldn’t be around my family—I couldn’t be around anyone. I’m embarrassed to admit that I more or less curled up into a ball and let the misery have me.” He grinned, sheepish. “It was pathetic and insane. Much more than hearing voices. And, of course, you know I do that, too.”
“I only heard one voice,” I corrected him.
He laughed and then pulled me tight against his right side and started to lead me forward.
“I’m just humoring you with this.” He motioned broadly with his hand toward the darkness in front of us as we walked. There was something pale and immense there—the house, I realized. “It doesn’t matter in the slightest what they say.”
“This affects them now, too.”
He shrugged indifferently.
He led me through the open front door into the dark house and flipped the lights on. The room was just as I’d remembered it—the piano and the white couches and the pale, massive staircase. No dust, no white sheets.
Edward called out the names with no more volume than I’d use in a regular conversation. “Carlisle? Esme? Royal? Emmett? Jasper? Alice?” They would hear.
Carlisle was suddenly standing beside me, as if he’d been there all along. “Welcome back, Beau.” He smiled. “What can we do for you this morning? I imagine, due to the hour, that this is not purely a social visit?”
I nodded. “I’d like to talk to everyone at once, if that’s okay. About something important.”
I couldn’t help glancing up at Edward’s face as I spoke. His expression was critical, but resigned. When I looked back to Carlisle, he was looking at Edward too.
“Of course,” Carlisle said. “Why don’t we talk in the other room?”
Carlisle led the way through the bright living room, around the corner to the dining room, turning on lights as he went. The walls were white, the ceilings hight, light the living room. In the center of the room, under the low hanging chandelier, was a large, polished oval table surrounded by eight chairs. Carlisle held out a chair for me at the head.
I’d never seen the Cullens use the dining room table before— it was just a prop. They didn’t eat in the house.
As soon as I turned to sit in the chair, I saw that we were not alone. Esme had followed Edward, and behind her the rest of the family filed in.
Carlisle sat down on my right, and Edward on my left. Everyone else took their seats in silence. Alice was grinning at me, already in on the plot. Emmett and Jasper looked curious, and Royal smiled at me tentatively. My answering smile was just as timid. That was going to take some getting used to.
Carlisle nodded toward me. “The floor is yours.” I swallowed. Their gazing eyes made me nervous. Edward took my hand under the table. I peeked at him, but he was watching the others, his face suddenly fierce.
“Well,” I paused. “I’m hoping Alice has already told you everything that happened in Volterra?”
“Everything,” Alice assured me.
“Okay, good.” I sighed. “Then I think we’re all on the same page.”
They waited patiently while I tried to order my thoughts.
“So, I have a problem,” I began. “Alice promised the Volturi that I would become one of you. They’re going to send someone to check, and I’m sure that’s a bad thing—something to avoid.
“And so, now, this involves all of you. I’m sorry about that.” I looked at each one of their faces, saving Edward’s for last. His mouth was turned down into a grimace. “The Volturi’s involvement means that this is bigger than just Edward and me. It could potentially affect all of you. Whether I decide to stay human and hide from the Volturi for the rest of my life—if that’s even possible—or if I decide to become… one of you… I can’t force myself in your lives if you don’t want me—if you don’t want the responsibility of what me being around means.”
Esme opened her mouth to speak, but I held up my hand to stop her.
“Please, let me finish. Edward and I have a way to go before everything is completely back to the way it was between us, and, while I’m willing to try, I think it’s only fair to let you all have a say this time since it could potentially affect you all.”
There was a faint rumble of a growl in Edward’s chest. I ignored him.
“So I’m putting it to a vote. I want each of you to vote yes or no on the the issue of Edward and I staying together.” I took a deep breath, “Adding into that, the possibility of me becoming a vampire someday—if I choose.”
I took another deep breath, half-smiled, and gestured toward Carlisle to begin.
“Just a minute,” Edward interrupted.
I raised an eyebrow at him. He squeezed my hand, pleadingly.
“I have something to add before we vote.”
“About the danger Beau’s referring to,” he continued. “I don’t think we need to be overly anxious.”
His expression became more animated. He put his free hand on the shining table and leaned forward.
“You see, he explained, looking around the table while he spoke, “there was more than one reason why I didn’t want to shake Aro’s hand there at the end. There’s something they didn’t think of, and I didn’t want to clue them in.” He grinned.
“Which was?” Alice prodded. I was sure my expression was just as skeptical as hers.
“The Volturi are overconfident, and with good reason. When they decide to find someone, it’s not really a problem. Do you remember Demetri?” He glanced down at me.
I shuddered. He took that as a yes.
“He finds people— that’s his talent, why they keep him. Now, the whole time we were with any of them, I was picking their brains for anything that might save us, getting as much information as possible. So I saw how Demetri’s talent works. He’s a tracker— a tracker a thousand times more gifted than James was. His ability is loosely related to what I do, or what Aro does. He catches the… flavor? I don’t know how to describe it… the tenor… of someone’s mind, and then he follows that. It works over immense distances.
“But after Aro’s little experiments, well…” Edward shrugged.
“You think he won’t be able to find me,” I guessed.
He was smug. “I’m sure of it. He relies totally on that other sense. When it doesn’t work with you, they’ll all be blind.”
“And how does that solve anything?”
“Quite obviously, Alice will be able to tell when they’re planning a visit, and I’ll hide you. They’ll be helpless,” he said with fierce enjoyment. “It will be like looking for a piece of straw in a haystack!”
He and Emmett exchanged a glance and a smirk.
This made no sense. “But they can find you,” I reminded him.
“And I can take care of myself.”
Emmett laughed, and reached across the table toward his brother, extending a fist.
“Excellent plan, my brother,” he said with enthusiasm. Edward stretched out his arm to smack Emmett’s fist with his own.
“Absolutely not,” I agreed.
“Nice.” Jasper’s voice was appreciative.
“Idiots,” Alice muttered.
Esme just glared at Edward.
I straightened up in my chair, focusing. This was my meeting.
“All right, then. Edward has offered his reasoning to try to sway your votes,” I shot him a look. “Which I think has only solidified my point that this could be dangerous for you, which I think had the opposite effect of what he wanted.”
Edward’s face immediately changed. He slowly deflated from his haughty attitude.
“So here it is,” I said coolly. “Let’s vote.”
I looked toward Edward this time; it would be better for his ego to let him get his opinion out first. “Do you want me to join your family?”
His eyes were hard and blackened flint, but they softened slightly when he spoke. “Forever. I want you with me for as long as you’ll have me.” He paused. “But I want you to stay human.”
I nodded once, smiling gently, and then moved on.
“I already think of you as my brother,” she beamed. “Yes.”
“Yes,” he said, voice grave. I was a little surprised—I hadn’t been at all sure of his vote—but I suppressed my reaction and moved on.
He hesitated, biting down on his bottom lip. “Well…”
I tried to keep my face blank, “Okay, we can come back to you, Royal.”
He held up both his hands, palms forward.
“Let me explain,” he pleaded. “I don’t mean to imply that I have any aversion to you as a brother. You make Edward happy, and I’m so grateful that you saved him. You’ve proven to me that you belong in this family, and I’d be happy to have you.” He sighed. “But, I want to make it clear that I’m with Edward about you staying human.” His expression was sincere now. “It’s just that… this is not the life I would have chosen for myself. I wish there had been someone there to vote no for me.”
I nodded slowly. “Thank you, Royal.” I turned to Emmett.
“Hell, yes!” He grinned before I had a chance to say his name. “You know I love you, kid. Besides, we can find some other way to pick a fight with this Demetri.”
I had to grin, despite my disapproval at the thought of a fight.
“Yes, of course, Beau. I already think of you as part of my family and I wouldn’t want to lose you.”
“Thank you, Esme,” I smiled. I turned to Carlisle.
I was suddenly nervous, wishing I had asked for his vote first. I was sure that this was the vote that mattered most, the vote that counted more than any majority.
Carlisle wasn’t looking at me.
“No,” Edward growled. His jaw was strained tight, his lips curled back from his teeth.
“It’s an inevitable possibility,” Carlisle insisted. “You’ve chosen not to live without him, and that doesn’t leave me a choice.”
Edward dropped my hand, shoving away from the table. He stalked out of the room, snarling under his breath.
“I guess you know my vote.” Carlisle sighed.
I was still staring after Edward. “Thank you, Carlisle.” I said quietly.
An earsplitting crash echoed from the other room.
I flinched, and spoke quickly. “That’s all I needed. Thank you. For wanting to keep me. I feel exactly the same way about all of you, too.” My voice was jagged with emotion by the end.
Esme was by my side in a flash, her cold arms around me.
“Dearest Beau,” she breathed.
I hugged her back. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Royal looking down at the table.
“Royal?” I called when Esme released me.
He glanced up, “Yes, Beau?”
“Thank you for being so honest. I really honestly appreciate it.” I smiled at him. He smiled back, and nodded.
“Well,” I continued. “So that’s settled. I suppose we should come up with a contingency plan in case the Volturi show up and you can’t hide me…” I paused. “Or, if I decide to become a vampire.” I glanced around the table. “Alice?”
Alice stared at me, her eyes widening.
“No! No! NO!” Edward roared, charging back into the room. He was in my face before I had time to blink, bending over me, his expression twisted in rage. “Are you insane?” he shouted. “Have you utterly lost your mind?”
“Mind your damn temper!” I snapped at him, he was still fuming.
“Um, Beau,” Alice interjected in an anxious voice. “I don’t know if I can… I don’t have any idea how to not kill you.”
“Oh, Alice,” I sighed. “I wouldn’t ask you to do it if you weren’t comfortable.”
“Carlisle?” I turned to look at him.
Edward grabbed my face in his hand, forcing me to look at him. I felt my face go red with anger. I reflexively jerked my face out of Edward’s hand, slapping it away in the process. My hand stung like I had slapped a brick wall, but I did my best to not show any sign of pain.
Edward’s face went slack-jawed in shock. Emmett started howling with laughter.
“Knock it off.” I enunciated each word, glaring at Edward. I turned back to Carlisle.
“I’m able to do it,” he answered my glance. “You would be in no danger of me losing control.”
“Good to know.” I replied.
“Hold on,” Edward said, his teeth clenched. “It doesn’t have to be now.”
I whirled back to him in shock. “Who said it was going to be now?”
“I—what?” He looked confused.
“Christ, Edward.” I shook my head. “I’m making sure we have a plan if the Volturi come looking for us. I don’t know if I want to become a vampire. I’d have to give up everything in my life—and I spent the last several months trying to build that life up. Even I have you back, that doesn’t negate everything in that life! I couldn’t give up Charlie, my Mom, I couldn’t give up my friends, or…”
My stomach dropped. I couldn’t give up Jacob. Oh god, Jacob. With everything that had happened the last few days, I hadn’t given Jacob nearly enough thought. How could I have been so careless? So callous to his feelings?
Edward wasn’t paying attention to me, though. He was already scheming. “In the interest of remaining inconspicuous,” He said, still talking through his gritted teeth, looking at Carlisle, “I suggest that even if the Volturi do come, and we have to… If Beau has to be… I suggest we wait until he finishes high school, and moves out of Charlie’s house.”
“That’s a reasonable request, Beau,” Carlisle pointed out.
“Hm? Yeah, of course.” I was too deep in thought to properly respond.
There was silence. I realized Edward was staring at me intently, unconvinced by my half-hearted response.
“What? Yes, after graduation, that’s fine.” I rolled my eyes. “If I have to be changed.”
Edward relaxed. His jaw unclenched.
“I should probably take you home,” he said, more calm now, but clearly in a hurry to get me out of here. “Just in case Charlie wakes up early.”
The thought startled me back to the situation at hand. “Oh, yeah, crap. Okay, let’s get me home.”
Edward rushed me out of the house, probably before I had the chance to try to negotiate anything, even though I had no real intention to.
It was a quiet trip home. I was still deep in thought. I couldn’t stop thinking about Jacob and I was thinking about the idea of actually becoming a vampire, what it all meant. I was grateful to Edward’s family for being so willing to have me, to protect me. It all was a lot to think about.
When we got to my house, Edward didn’t pause. He dashed up the wall and through my window in half a second. Then he pulled my arms from around his neck and set me on the bed.
I thought I had a pretty good idea of what he was thinking, but his expression surprised me. Instead of furious, it was calculating. He paced silently back and forth across my dark room while I watched with growing suspicion.
“You alright there?” I finally asked.
“Fine,” I sighed, throwing myself back on the bed and pulling the quilt over my head.
There was no sound, but suddenly he was there. He flipped the cover back so he could see me. He was lying next to me. His hand reached up to run through my hair.
“If you don’t mind, I’d much rather you didn’t hide your face. I’ve lived without it for as long as I can stand. Now… tell me something.”
“What?” I asked, hesitantly.
“Is there anything I can do, I can give you, to convince you of my love for you?”
I furrowed my brows. “What brought this on?”
His eyes fell, and he hung his head. “It was… brutish of me, back at my house, to grab your face like you did.” He took a deep breath. “I can’t fault your reaction in the slightest—you had every right to be angry, and to respond the way you did. But then you were so quiet after that. You’ve hardly spoken to me and you seem distracted.” He put his hands, gently, on either side of my face. “Beau, have I already ruined my chances?”
I couldn’t help but chuckle softly. I ran my hands through his hair.
“No, you beautiful idiot. I’m going to add that you need to get your temper under control in addition to rebuild trust. But you didn’t ruin everything.”
“Could I ask you something else?” his voice low.
“If the Volturi did come… is there…” He paused, like the very idea was reprehensible to him. “Is there any way I can convince you to stay human?”
“Edward,” I sighed, “I don’t know if I want to become a vampire. I really don’t know right now. But if the Volturi come to check and they find that I’m still human do you understand what could happen? They’d certainly kill me. Who know what would happen to you and your family. And what if they decided to be thorough? What if they went after Charlie? I can’t have that. We have to be prepared for… the possibility of me being changed—if it comes to that. And, furthermore, even if you can hide me that’s not much of a life. Always hiding, on the run… I can’t live my life like that.” My memories flashed back to the time I had been on the run from James, and I shuddered. “Honestly, if they come then I’ll need to be changed, probably.”
“But,” I continued. “If it does come to that I do have a request.”
He was still pouting, but he raised an eyebrow inquisitively.
“I don’t want Carlisle to change me,” I took a deep breath. “I want you to do it.”
I watched his reaction warily, expecting more of the fury I’d seen at his house. I was surprised that his expression had become thoughtful again.
“What would you be willing to trade for that?”
I blinked a few times. I hadn’t been expecting this reaction. I wasn’t sure what to say.
“Umm, I thought you were trying to prove your love for me. How did we start making deals?”
He smiled faintly, and then pursed his lips. “What about time?”
“If Alice sees that the Volturi are planning to come, give me time to try and hide you before I have to change you.” He explained.
“How much time?” I asked warily.
“Five years?” I asked, flabbergasted. “Oh god, Edward. That’s a long time to be on the run and… I mean, I’m in no hurry here but who knows how old I’ll be when they come back—I mean, I hate to be vain or anything, but I’m not sure I want to be changed into a vampire if I’m like, I don’t know, middle aged.” He opened his mouth to speak, I cut him off. “Especially if I’m dating an eternally seventeen-year-old vampire.”
He frowned. “Three years?”
“Isn’t my being the one who changes you worth anything to you at all?”
I thought about that. “That’s still a long time on the run. Six months?”
He rolled his eyes. “Not good enough.”
“Oh for crying out loud,” I sighed. “A year, then.”
“I’m not going to live in fear, running for my life for two years! No dice. It’s going to be bad enough adjusting to the idea that you’ll be in your teens forever and I’m probably not going to be.”
He thought for a minute. “That’s fair I suppose.” He pursed his lips. “I will think of a way to prove to you that I love you,” he assured me. “and keep you human.”
Before I could speak, he put a finger over my lips. “Charlie’s awake. I’d better leave.”
He swiftly moved towards the window before I had a chance to respond, then paused. Turning back to me, sheepishly. “Would it be childish of me to hide in your closet?”
“It’s very human boyfriend, I think.” I whispered.
Edward smiled and disappeared.
I quickly kicked off my pants and threw them under the bed before arranging myself in a way that looked like I had actually been sleeping all night instead of sneaking out for late-night vampire meetings. I waited, tensely, for Charlie to come check on me.
“Oh, hey, Beau.” He sounded embarrassed at getting caught. “I didn’t know you were awake.”
“Yeah. I’ve just been waiting for you to wake up so I could take a shower.” I started to get up.
“Hold on,” Charlie said flipping the light on. I blinked in the sudden brightness, and carefully kept my eyes away from the closet. “Let’s talk for a minute first.”
I mentally kicked myself for not asking Alice for a good excuse.
“You know you’re in trouble.”
“I just about went crazy these last three days. I come home from Harry’s funeral, and you’re gone. Jacob could only tell me that you’d run off with Alice Cullen, and that he thought you were in trouble. You didn’t answer your phone, and you didn’t call. I didn’t know where you were or when— or if— you were coming back. Do you have any idea how… how…” He couldn’t finish the sentence. He sucked in a sharp breath and moved on. “Can you give me one reason why I shouldn’t ship you off to Jacksonville this second?”
I hung my head. He had every right to be angry and I couldn’t argue with him.
“Because I don’t want to go.”
“Beau…” His tone was disapproving.
“Dad, I accept complete responsibility for my actions. I’m so sorry, I really am. You have every right to ground me for as long as you want. I’ll do whatever I can to make it up to you; I’ll do all the chores and laundry and dishes until… well, just from now on. And you can make any rules you think are fair. You still have every right to kick me out, if you want me to leave, though.”
His anger deflated a bit. “I don’t want you to leave, Beau.” He sighed. “Would you like to explain to me where you’ve been?”
Aw, crap. “There was…. An emergency.”
He raised his eyebrows in expectation of my brilliant explanation.
I filled my cheeks with air and then blew it out noisily. “It’s complicated, Dad. It was mostly a misunderstanding. He said, she said. It got out of hand.”
He waited with a distrustful expression.
“See, Alice told Royal about me jumping off the cliff.…” I was scrambling frantically to make this work, to keep it as close to the truth as possible so that my inability to lie convincingly would not undermine the excuse, but before I could go on, Charlie’s expression reminded me that he didn’t know anything about the cliff.
Major oops. As if I wasn’t already toast.
“I guess I didn’t tell you about that,” I choked out. “It was nothing. Just messing around, swimming with Jake. Anyway, Royal told Edward, and he was upset. Roy sort of accidentally made it sound like I was trying to kill myself or something. Then Edward wouldn’t answer his phone, so Alice and I flew to… L.A., to explain in person.” I shrugged, desperately hoping that he would not be so distracted by my slip that he’d miss the brilliant explanation I’d provided.
Charlie’s face was frozen. “Were you trying to kill yourself, Beau?”
“No, dad. No, of course not. I was just having fun with Jake. Cliff diving. The La Push kids do it all the time. I was pretty brave and badass, if I can say that.”
Charlie’s face heated up—from frozen to hot with fury. “What’s it to Edward Cullen anyway?” He practically growled. “All this time, he’s just left you dangling without a word—“
I interrupted him. “And he felt guilty for being such a complete ass. He’s done nothing but apologize and beg for my forgiveness since he came back.”
His face flushed again. “So he is back then?”
“I’m not sure what the exact plan is. I think they all are.”
He shook his head, the vein in his forehead pulsing. “I want you to stay away from him, Beau. I don’t trust him. He’s rotten for you. I won’t let him mess you up like that again.”
“Dad, I don’t completely trust him either right now.”
Charlie rocked back onto his heels. “Oh.” He scrambled for a second, exhaling loudly in surprise. “I thought you were going to be difficult.”
“Well,” I bit my lip. “I mean, I am thinking about taking Edward back.”
Charlie’s eyes widened, he began to speak but I cut him off.
“However, he’s on probation. He messed up—bad. I’m not giving him a free pass back into my life. He has to work to earn my trust back, but I am giving him another chance.”
Charlie was furious. “Not a chance, Beau, I’m not going to let him—“
“And neither am I, Dad.” I cut him off again, trying to reassure him. “I’m not the same kid I was the last time. I learned a lot from this. It sucked, and it wasn’t fair what I put you through. I’m never going to let that happen to me again. I promise, Dad.”
Charlie seemed unsure of what to say next. “Well,” he mumbled. “I still don’t like him.”
“And that’s fair,” I offered. “Can I just ask that you be nice to him?”
“Be nice to him? After everything?” he fumed.
“You can be mad at him, Dad. I’m still mad at him about some stuff. I’m still going to give him a chance, and all I can ask of you is just to be… civil.” Charlie didn’t respond. “At least think about it? Give it a couple days?”
Charlie huffed, but he seemed to soften.
“Alright, Beau.” He huffed again. “I’ll… let you shower and stuff.” He turned to leave the room.
“Hey Dad?” I called, he turned back to me. “I love you, Dad. I’m sorry.”
“Love you too, kiddo.” He said gruffly before hurrying out of the room.
He closed the door behind him. I heard his steps trail down the stairs.
I sat up, throwing off my quilt, and Edward was already there, sitting in the rocking chair as if he’d been present through the whole conversation.
“Maybe you should have just gone,” I whispered apologetically.
“It’s not as if I don’t deserve far worse,” he murmured. “I’m sorry, Beau.” He hung his head.
“Well, at least you know exactly where everything stands.” I smiled softly as I gathered up my bathroom things and a set of clean clothes. “So you know what you have to work on.”
“I suppose I do.” He was thoughtful. “Beau, can I ask you a question?”
“Hmm?” I glanced back at him.
“Are you so eager for eternal damnation that you would saddle yourself with a monster like me?” His eyes were full of sadness and self-loathing.
I paused for a moment, considering what he said, before setting my things down on the bed and walking over to him. I lifted his chin with my hand so he’d look at me.
“You know you don’t really believe that.”
“Oh, don’t I?” he sulked.
He glowered at me and started to speak, but I cut him off.
“If you really believed that you’d lost your soul, then when I found you in Volterra, you would have realized immediately what was happening, instead of thinking we were both dead together. But you didn’t— you said ‘Amazing. Carlisle was right,’” I reminded him, smiling. “There’s hope in you, after all.” For once, Edward was speechless.
“So let’s both just be hopeful, all right?” I suggested. “We have a lot to look forward to.”
He stood slowly, and put his hands on either side of my face as he stared into my eyes. “Forever,” he vowed, still a little staggered.
I smiled, and stretched up on my toes so that I could press my lips to his.
