#because pandas

[tswatch]

Amanda anon asking about Emery--yeah there was a specific message but I don't want to rush them, (i forgot the signature last time sorry). ~aes

Hey, love, I just answered your ask. Sorry it took so long.

Love always,~Emery

[tswatch]

Emery thanks for answering. I have bpd and I find it really hard to remember that most mentally healthy people don't always need to be talking to someone so it's hard for me to decide if it's been a normal amount of time to not talk or not. I also have trouble with people telling me that they're busy because even when I'm working I try to respond to messages really fast as to not upset the other person and it confuses me that other people aren't the same way. -Kaity

Dear Kaity,First off, I would like to apologise for taking so long to respond. I hope things are okay, relatively, and that you are still alive and well.Now, I just want to let you know, that way of thinking is understandable. It's sometimes hard to remember that others think differently or don't know everything we know or we don't know everything they know. Small things like that. And when you have a great of abandonment, it's pretty easy to forget that your attempts to keep someone around, so you don't feel lonely, might actually be viewed as annoying and is pushing them away. I have had that happen before. But here's something that's really important to keep in mind -- putting yourself first and allowing others to put themselves first in their lives respectively are two important things that need to happen. Especially coming from a JA(Japanese American) upbringing, it can be hard to allow yourself to put yourself first because you're taught it's selfish. You're taught that you're supposed to put others before you, and to conform so you aren't causing trouble to those around you. You're taught that others matter more than you do. And hearing that as a kid has a major impact on your self esteem whilst growing up.But not everyone is the same. Not even identical twins have matching fingerprints. And that's okay. If you need to write that on your phone or something, do it. You need to have some reminder that it's just as okay for you to be different as it is for someone else to be different from you. Please know that no matter what, you are still loved and you will get through this.Love always,-Emery

[tswatch]

Do you guys have any admins with bpd? I sorta want to talk about something but I don't think it would be understood well by someone who doesn't also have it. -Kaity

Hi there, Kaity! There are a few of us with BPD, and I am one of them, if you wish to speak with me. Love always,-Emery

[tswatch]

I'd like to talk to emery

Hi. Yes. It is I, Emery. How may I serve you today, my lovely anon? (:

[tswatch]

I'm diagnosed with bpd along with a few other disorders and is it weird that I actually never want to get help / recover as much as they are making my life hell?

Hi love!Guess what? I'm diagnosed with BPD and other disorders too ~ and for a long time, I didn't really want recovery, either. I don't find it weird that you don't want recovery, but I do find it concerning. Because these disorders will destroy your life. They will destroy your relationships. They destroy any chance of a future that you want for yourself. Until you choose recovery. And it sucks. It absolutely sucks. And it's hard. But that doesn't mean it's not worth it, because it is. My point is, even though it's not weird, it's still something you should consider doing. But only if you're willing. If you're not willing, it won't help. I wish you the best.Love always,-Emery

[tswatch]

Emery, you are amazing and kind and brave. Keep it up; you are a beautiful person.

Awh, thank you Anon! Except I didn't do anything?? And besides, the truly beautiful and amazing and kind one is you, lovely.Don't mind me, I just get confused very easily. XDAnyways, have a wonderful day!Love always,-Emery

[learning-to-fly-free]

I'm sorry to bug you but lately I've become such a negative person & I hate it. I use to think of myself as very positive but lately I've been really insecure & I feel like just giving up & not caring anymore about anything school, work ect. I work so hard & nothing is good enough. It's causing me to want to relapse & I feel awful cuz I know there are people who have it worse but I just went to be myself again. I am so lost & hurting & I feel completely drained.😔

Hi, love.

I`m so sorry that I didn`t respond sooner. I haven`t really been on this account, as you might be able to tell. Anyways, you aren`t bugging me. And I completely understand how you feel. It`s easy to get lost in the comparison act, the “Others have it so much worse so I have no right or reason to be complaining” thing. And I want to reassure you, it doesn`t matter if others have it worse than you. Would you tell someone they`re not allowed to be happy because their life isn`t the best life ever? No. You wouldn`t. You would want them to be happy.

I`m not saying that I want you sad. I`m saying that I want you to be okay with how you`re feeling. You may have actually been this positive person that you saw yourself as, but something happened. And you may not know what, you may not be able to identify it, and sometimes, you can`t identify it. That`s okay. Just know that whether you can identify why or not, it doesn`t change what is.

You have the chance, you have the potential, to change how you are feeling. And it sucks, it`s hard work, but it is possible. Being this sad, negative person, probably gave you a different perspective on life, to be honest. And you don`t have to be happy, optimistic, and positive all the time. Trying to do that all the time might drain you, actually.

When you say that “nothing is good enough” what I hear is that you`re comparing it to something, and expecting an unrealistic perfection from yourself that probably doesn`t even exist. Which I`m not going to shame you for. I do it, too. It`s normal. It`s human. You are conditioned to want to do better than you are, and yet you often feel like you can`t do better because “better is not best” and “best can still be better”. So tell yourself, “I`m doing the best I can right now, and that`s okay.” Because you are.

At any given moment, you are doing the best you can, the best you know how, in that moment. Even if it is a relapse. But that doesn`t mean that you can`t work harder, and try more to do better. You need to find a balance of that that works for you, so you are doing it to motivate yourself rather than beat yourself down.

If you have a therapist, I would recommend talking to them about this. I would tell them “I am having a difficult time. I want to be happy and confident in who I am again.” And they can work with you on that. Because it`s a slow process, not an overnight matter.

I trust that you will see better days. And that one day, you will be the person that you want to be. Just with a more open perspective than you had before.

I hope this helps. Please let me know if I can do anything to help you.

Love always,Emery

[tswatch]

(ms) ok so this is the downlo - i messaged you quite a bit last year cause i was so fucking unhappy at my old school. but i have moved. im at a great new school, great new friends but im still so unhappy and i cant figure out why. everything at school is fine but when i get home everything is shit and idk why. last term i went away to a ski school for 10 weeks and everything was good i was finally happy. but then every time i went home for the weekend i went back to being unhappy. +

+(ms) so every time im at home, im this miserable mess. every time im with my parents im so unhappy and they are getting fed up with me never wanting to talk to me because they annoy me so much and every thing about them just makes me want to cry. i can never talk to my mum like a normal teenage daughter and i want to stop being an ungreatful shit because they literally paid thousands of dollars for me to go away last term so idk why i have to be like this. but every time im at home im so +

Hello, love!

First I want to say I'm very proud of you for reaching out for help about this. That isn't an easy thing to do.

Now, as to why you are unhappy, I cannot tell you why. What I can tell you is that, although most likely unjustified, your feelings are still valid. They are yours and it is nobody's place to tell you that you don't feel the way you do. That being said, I think using a skill I learned in DBT called "opposite action" could prove really helpful in your situation.

Opposite action is used when you have an emotion that is unjustified, so you want to change it. For example, with anger, the action urge is to lash out, right? So what is the opposite action? Well, it's to be decent, be kind. And you have to do it ALL THE WAY. This means no half-hearted attempts. Which is why this is a very difficult thing to do. That doesn't mean it's impossible, though. I promise you, it's worth it to give it a try.

Do you have any idea as to why you are so miserable at home? I know for me it had less to do with the people themselves and more to do with the memories I have. When someone does you wrong, it's hard to look at them the same way after that. And even when you've forgotten what they've done, the way you're looking at them is still because if how you were wronged. After a while, you lose the reasoning behind it. You're still young enough that you know it's important to work on changing your ways. You know that the way you're going is not healthy or helpful for you. And it's going to be hard work. I promise though, it's worth it.

If you keep working for it, I think that you'll find it to become more natural after a while. Loving them rather than hating them will be your first instinct. You still have a chance to be the daughter you want to be, and to build that relationship with your mother that you wish for.

You still have a chance.

I hope this helps.

I wish you the best.

Love always,Emery