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becca hart sad quotes
“I’d thought my love for romance novels would have died with my parents’ divorce. Instead, it made me crave them more. I was going through two books a week. I could not get enough. It was like, if love couldn’t exist in reality, at least it was alive in fiction. Between the pages it was safe. The heartbreak was contained.”
“My heart was beginning to hurt, the same way it did the day he left. It was slow at first, a subtle burn. And then the flames began to grow, devouring everything in their path. So I did the only thing I could think of. I grabbed a book. Any book. I didn’t even bother reading the title. I flipped to the last chapter because I needed the happy ending right now. I read and read and read until reality faded into fiction.”
“You know,” she said, kneeling on the floor beside me and sitting down, “when my parents got divorced, I felt like this too. I kept searching for answers like their marriage was some puzzle and all I needed was to find the right pieces. I obsessed over it for years, wondering why my dad left and what moment he realized he didn’t want us anymore. Was it during dinner one night? Was there a fight I don’t know about? Did he just stop loving my mom? There are so many questions and I’m still looking for the answers, Brett. Even now. I mean”—she started laughing—“I show up at his house sometimes and I just stand there like a complete weirdo! Staring and waiting! I even went inside last week and talked to his wife! And the worst part is, I don’t even know what I’m waiting for. I just stand there and hope that the day will come when I won’t have to. When I won’t feel like this anymore.”
“People leave, Brett. It’s not our fault for not giving them a reason to stay. It’s their fault for not finding one. You know?”
“That’s not what I meant. At all. This,” I said, gesturing back to the hotel, “is already going to be hard enough without the entire town’s opinions weighing in.”
There was no getting through to Brett now. His mind was made up. “I’m going to get my mom,” he said. “Please don’t try to stop me.”
So I didn’t. I let him walk away and then I lay down on the grass.”
“ Then the words sank in and my throat started to tighten, the way it did before I cried. “But last night,” I said, thinking back to our conversation on the patio, “you said you wanted to be together. You said it felt real even when we were pretending. You said you wouldn’t leave.”
“I know.” Now he reached for my hands. His eyes were begging. I took a step back, letting his fingers grasp air.”
“I took a deep breath, then said, “I’m sorry about your father. I really am, Brett. I know what it feels like to be let down by a parent, believe me. I’ve spent the past five years feeling like that. But I also know what it feels like to run from it and to want to lock everyone out. It doesn’t work. It makes everything worse.”
“Becca—”
“I think you should leave.”
“I’m sorry,” he said again. “I never wanted any of this to happen.”
“I know,” I said, and I think that was the problem. That his feelings for me weren’t enough to stand out in all this mess, when my feelings for him were all that stood out in mine.”
“I didn’t even look at it, I just opened it to a random page, tore it out, then threw it into the water. I watched it float, then slowly move away. I breathed, counted to five, then threw the entire book in. Now it sank, right down to the very bottom until I could no longer see it. Good. I didn’t want to see it. Seeing was a reminder. I wanted it gone.
I grabbed another book and threw it into the water. Then another. And another. I sat there under the sun until the bag was half empty, the lake a little fuller.”
“Was it worth it?” I asked, turning around. “Leaving us for this new life. Was it worth it? Are you happier?”
“I don’t know how to respond to that,” he said.
That was all the answer I needed.”
becca hart quotes part 4
“I looked up at him. “How long did it take you to write this?”
He thought about it for a second. “An hour?”
“It shows.”
“Do we want garlic sticks?” he asked. I gave him a what-kind-of-insane-question-is-that look. He changed the quantity to two.”
“If you don’t like pineapple, why agree to order it?” I asked.
“Because you like it,” he said easily.
“You wouldn’t eat the cotton candy ice cream,” I pointed out.
“That happens to be where I draw the line, Becca.”
“My mom never tried the therapy route. I did see her reading one of those self-help books once. It was called Children and Divorce or something like that.”
“And? Did it work?”
“Apparently the bookworm trait is not genetic. She turned to baking instead. But we got jelly bells out of it, so not complaining.”
“You’re dying to go inside and run through the aisles. Aren’t you?”
“Very much. Yes.”
“What’s the last book you read?” I asked Brett.
He plucked a book off the shelf, rolled his eyes, then placed it back. “Romeo and Juliet,” he said.
“We were forced to read that for class, Brett.”
“So? Still counts.”
It definitely did not!”
“You know what I like about you?”
I tried to hide my smile but I could feel it breaking across my face. “What?”
“I like how you have the absolute worst taste in food,”
“Agree to disagree,”
“A lot of things have been changing in my life, Becca. In this whole mess, you’re the only constant. You’re the one that always comes back.”
“Tell me, Becca,” Brett said, running his thumb across my bottom lip. “If this were a book, how’d you want your first kiss to be?”
“I don’t know,” I said honestly. I never really thought about that.
“Come oooon. I don’t believe that for a second. Would it be raining? What about fireworks? Or would it be late at night when you’re sitting on a bench in front of a bookstore?”
“That doesn’t sound totally horrible,”
“I was lifting my hand to knock a second time on Becca’s door when it opened. She took one look at me and her eyes went wide. “Oh no,” she breathed. The door opened a little more and I could see her fully. Messy hair and unicorn pajamas. Not exactly movie attire.”
“This is not okay,” she hissed while her mom went on with the story.
“Nice pajamas,” I whispered back.
I had never seen her look so angry.”
“It was raining now, pouring down and soaking through my clothes. I stopped, turned my face to the sky, and let the water wash the past off me. The memories and the pain and all those questions that had held me down like an anchor—I stood there and smiled as they washed away. And for the first time in years, it felt like that constant weight pressing down on my chest was gone. I could breathe freely.”
“This time I ended up at Brett’s house. I was soaking wet when I knocked on the door and I couldn’t stop smiling. I felt so happy. So normal.”
“I searched for the words to put this feeling into thoughts and I came up empty. Or maybe I was just too full, full of whatever this feeling was.
Stop overthinking, I told myself. Feel.
So I did.”
“I realised that night there was only one thing Becca needed to be happy. It wasn’t me. It wasn’t even books. It was the shocking, slightly disturbing obsession she had with cotton candy ice cream.”
“This is what you read as a kid?” she asked.
“That, and only that.”
“Is this supposed to impress me?” she teased.
becca hart quotes part 3
“She just wants me to be happy. I think, after the divorce, she was worried it had ruined me or something. That I’d turn into this emotionless robot that doesn’t believe in love and spends the rest of her life alone with a few dozen cats.”
“Brett took one look at the ice cream and said, “Don’t tell me you actually like that crap.”
“Cotton candy ice cream?” I asked, completely appalled. “It’s my favorite.”
“I realized,” I said, “that everyone thinks we’re dating and we haven’t even gone on our first date yet. That’s not acceptable.”
“Completely unacceptable,” Brett agreed.
“So it only makes sense—”
“Only makes sense.”
“—if we declare this as our first official date. And stop mocking me.”
“What movie do you want to watch?” I scrolled through all the different genres.
“Something scary,” he said quickly. Suspiciously quick.
“You should know I love scary movies,” I said. “So if you’re expecting me to get all cuddly, it’s not going to happen.”
“I held out a spoonful of ice cream to his face. “Want some?”
He pushed it away, pretending to throw up.
A few seconds later he mumbled, “I can’t believe I have a crush on a girl with such horrible ice cream taste.”
“I was starting to care about her. How could I not after what she’d done for me? Sticking by my side for all of this?”
“She’d given me her weekends and her weeknights. She’d let me into her home. The girl literally ran over to my house because I needed her. And the dinner with her mom—putting me before herself like that? How could you not like someone with a heart so big?”
“The game ended and Brett ripped out the tickets, shoving them into his pocket. A few fell onto the floor and I picked them up quickly. He may not have wanted another stuffed whale but I definitely wanted another bag of those sour gummy worms. Or another ring.”
“How is knowing about atoms and molecules going to help me stop my family from falling apart?”
“Well, technically that’s the point of atoms. They build stuff, keep everything together.” I looked up. He was giving me a look. I used the opportunity to slam the puck into his goal. “What? I’m in AP Bio.”
“It leads up to the story’s climax, which is, like, the most intense moment, when something crazy happens and the reader is left in shock. Like the characters break up, a secret is revealed—that sort of thing.”
“Oh, Becca. I love it when you get all geeky.”
I swatted his arm.”
“What I’m trying to say is that you need to hang in a little longer, wait for the resolution. Because then, everything will be okay. You’ll be okay.”
“Brett put his arm around my shoulder. “You’re kind of amazing, Becca Hart,”
“I told you to pay attention in English.”
“Why pay attention when I’m dating the smartest girl in class? You’re like my own personal textbook.”
“Wow, I am so flattered. Is that all you like me for?”
“I’m not a tragic heroine.”
“You are. The super annoying type that won’t tell anyone how they feel. Not their mom, or even their best friend. Super lame, Becca. The books are ashamed of you. Can you hear them crying? Can you? Look what you’re doing to them.”
“God, Becca. What are you doing?” she asked. I ignored her and threw another one in. “You’re polluting the water.”
I threw another, then said, “Semi-broken hearts are selfish. They don’t care about things like pollution.”
“He was standing in the doorway, watching me. “Brett? What is it?”
He shook his head. “Nothing.”
“Then would you sit your ass down so we can get started, please?”
“Did you just say ass?”
“Sit down.”
becca hart quotes part 2
“she grumbled, staring at the screen showing the match replay. It was footage of her hitting a tree.”
“Am I rambling? I feel like I’m rambling.”
“With Becca, I felt like I could be myself. There was this kindness about her and this intelligence too, like she understood more than she let on. It was nice.”
“Becca found this hilarious, picking off a few when she thought I wasn’t looking and adding them to her own stash.”
“I retreated to my room, snuck back into the kitchen ten minutes later and stole a muffin, which, honestly, changed my life,”
“She looked like she genuinely cared, like that moment in the car after the arcade. And maybe she did care. Maybe I could trust her to help me figure this out.”
“Think you failed that test today?”
Doubt it. She’d been studying for a week.
“Aced it,” Becca said. I felt kind of proud, like yeah, my girlfriend is smart as hell and happy to own it.”
“You’ll be there, and you’re pretty good company.”
“Pretty good?”
“Definitely above average.”
“Stop pulling me!” I hissed, tugging back on Brett’s arm. “I’m going to trip and drown.”
“The water’s not even a foot deep, Becca.”
Whatever!”
“The people in front of us started to cheer then, and I peeked around Brett’s back to find the narrow path opening into a clearing. Thank god. I could have cried on the spot.”
“I was eyeing one of the tree logs. There was a puddle separating me from it. It looked pretty shallow. But it was wide, stretching right into the trees lining each side of the narrow clearing. Long too. There was no way I could jump across. Maybe if I got a running start . . .”
“We were talking about you,” I said, “and why I let you bring me into this mess. I don’t get the hype. At all. This is really gross. My shoes are destroyed and my legs are covered in bug bites.”
“I told you not to wear shorts,” he said.
“You told me when I was already wearing them!”
“You don’t seem too impressed by Lovers’ Lake.”
“Not at all.”
“What does it take to impress you, Becca? A library? Maybe a bookstore?”
I bumped my knee against his. “I’ll have you know I’m a multidimensional person, Brett. I do more than just read and study for calc.”
“What are you thinking about?”
“Jelly bells,” he said.
I smacked my foot against his thigh. “Be serious.”
“I am. Doesn’t the moon kind of look like one?”
Then I was laughing really hard because he was right, it totally did.”
“I get the appeal now,” I said. “This is so pretty.”
“Makes you want to sneak off into the trees, huh?”
I snorted. “Not that pretty.”
“Can you come over?” I asked.
A half hour later my doorbell rang. Becca was standing on the porch, hunched over. “Hi,” she said, out of breath.
“Becca—did you run here?”
becca hart quotes part 1
“I need to get to third period,” she said.
“It’s second period.”
“That’s what I said.”
She took off down the hall. If she walked any faster, she’d be sprinting.”
“Hey, it’s your boyfriend, I typed. Need a ride to school tomorrow? For fake-dating purposes
Brett?
How many fake boyfriends do you have?
Very funny.”
“There was a pink note with my name scrawled on it in the middle of the table. I plucked it up and licked the frosting off my finger. A cupcake for my cupcake. Have a great day at school. Love, Mom. I smiled at the note my mom left”
“You’ve been a hermit ever since I graduated last year.”
“Not a hermit,” I added.
“A hermit,” she repeated. “The only person you hang out with is me and those books.”
“Then doesn’t that make you a hermit too?”
“You choose to isolate yourself from other people. I, on the other hand, don’t choose to. People, for some reason, don’t like me.”
“Maybe it’s because you barge into their apartment and eat all their food.”
“I wasn’t sure if you wanted to . . . continue this.”
The light turned green.
“Do you?” he asked.
“I’m not completely against it.”
“We have an image to uphold, sweetie.”
I wrinkled my nose. “Sweetie?”
“No? You don’t like it? What about babe? Baby?”
I laughed, swatting his hand away when he reached for another grape. “First rule is nicknames are not allowed.”
“ No one’s gonna believe we’re dating if there’s three feet of space between us at all times.”
I tried to play it cool. My face was saying, “Yeah, I kiss boys for fun all the time. Done it loads. Experienced kisser? That’s me, nice to meet you,”
“We probably should have discussed this yesterday.”
“I was too busy running away from you,” I half joked.”
“She rolled her eyes. “Wow. Wow.”
“Is that the kind of girlfriend you want to be?” I joked. “A judgmental one?”
“You’re just . . . such a jock,” she said with a laugh.
“I’ll have you know I’ve read all the Harry Potters.”
She did not look impressed. At all.
“That doesn’t count. Everyone’s read Harry Potter. It’s practically a childhood rite of passage.”
“Your bag,” he said, reaching across the car and picking it up. “Why is this so heavy?” When his hand began to reach inside, I shrieked and tried to pull it away. Too late. Brett was holding my book.
I coughed. Pretended to look confused. “Wow. How did that get in there?”
“You brought a book to my football game,”
“I did not.”
“What are you doing tomorrow?”
“Nothing. Study—”
“Studying for calculus. I know. What else?”
I blew out a breath, thinking. “That’s it.” Pause. “I have a very intense social life.”
“I didn’t want this relationship to start taking up my weekends too. A five-day school commitment was enough. Plus my Friday nights!”
“If I like what we do today, you can eat it.”
“And if you don’t like it?”
She smiled. Maybe the biggest one yet. “Then you can watch me eat it.”
“I heard Becca gasp. Her eyes were wide open.
“I thought this place closed down years ago,” she said, scanning the room. “I had my birthday party here when I was seven. I hit the jackpot on that Wheel of Fortune game.”
“The game started. Becca was horrible. She spent half of the first lap driving backward. When she managed to turn the car around, she was driving on the grass and running into buildings. She may have hit a person or two. Definitely a few mailboxes”
beccabrett quotes part 7
“I used to categorize my days, Some were worth remembering and some I wanted to forget.”
“Which one is today?”
I didn’t even have to think about it. “One to remember.”
Neither of us said anything for a moment. We sat there, staring at each other. There was beauty in the way his eyes held mine, in the way we held each other. Even when we didn’t speak, it was still beautiful.
“Becca?” My name felt so familiar on his lips.
I nodded, wiping the hair off his forehead.
“I think I’m in love with you,”
“I love you too,” I said.
Brett smiled. The stars fell from the sky and landed on his face. It was the brightest smile of them all.
“You do?” he asked.
“I do,” I said, laughing. “I don’t think I even realized it until just now. But I do love you, Brett, because you make me feel safe. You make me feel hopeful. I never thought I’d love anyone. And with all the downsides of love, you managed to show me the upside,” I whispered, holding his cheek in my palm, his heart in my hand.
Brett was watching me as if I were the sun his world revolved around, and I couldn’t quite fathom how I’d ended up here. How, on a planet with billions of people whose lives would never cross, I managed to capture the heart of the most beautiful one.”
“He tasted like peppermint, like home and every good thing mixed into one.”
“I love every single thing about you.”
“‘Goosebumps’?” she read aloud. I nodded proudly. “Why are you giving me this?” She tucked her foot under her thigh and turned to me.
“First of all,” I said, “easy on the judgment, Hart. You’re holding my childhood in your hands.”
She giggled. Actually giggled. She even held the book up to cover her face.
“This is what you read as a kid?” she asked.
“That, and only that.”
“Is this supposed to impress me?” she teased.
Yes. Was it working? “Have you read this?” I asked. She shook her head and I jerked my chin back toward my neck, disgusted. “Come on. Get comfy.” I stretched into the corner of the couch, then patted my chest.
“What?”
“Get comfy,” I repeated. “I’m reading this to you.”
“I don’t want to read that, Brett.”
“Why? Because there’s no romance? No love?” I said, wiggling my fingers. “I’m reading it to you, so there’s nothing to complain about. All you need to do is listen to my voice.”
“She sighed. “Is it scary or not?”
“No, Becca. And if it is, I will protect you from all the fictional horror. Can I continue?”
“You seem very excited to read this.”
She was right. I was. I loved the thought of sharing something that was important to me with her.”
“Brett?”
“Yeah?”
“You’ve read the same sentence three times.”
I had?
“Sorry,” I mumbled. Her breath was still there, fanning across my neck. “You make it hard to concentrate.”
“pointing her chin up until her eyes met mine. They were darker than normal, like the sky after a rainstorm and the ocean, swirled into one. I could drown in them, I realized. I was drowning in them.
I really did love her. And here, in the darkness, it was like those words were all that existed. That and my heart beating too quickly. And Becca’s lips too close. And the way her eyes fluttered closed for a second longer than normal after drifting to my mouth.
“Becca?”
“Yes?”
“No more pretending,” I said. “No more faking. No more any of that.”
Her eyebrows drew together. I ran my thumb across the lines. “I know that,” she said, pausing to yawn. “Why are you saying this again?”
“Because I need you to know that this is real.”
Then I kissed her, and it felt like I was sliding off the edge of the world.”
“I could feel her hand slide from my face to my arm and stop there, holding me. Good, I thought, don’t let go.
“It feels like the world is going to explode when I kiss you,” I whispered.
“Then let it explode,” she said.”
“I recognize this one. Haven’t you read this, like, a hundred times?”
“Twenty, actually,” I said, snatching it back. “Today marks the twenty-first time.”
He grinned. Shook his head.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing. Nothing at all,” he said, jerking his chin toward the book on my legs. “Read to me.”
“Why?”
“Because you go somewhere else when you read. I want to go there with you.”
We sat there and I read aloud, my back to Brett’s chest. He pulled me a little closer, held me a little tighter. And this time, we escaped together.”
beccabrett quotes part 6
“What’s the last book you read?” I asked Brett.
He plucked a book off the shelf, rolled his eyes, then placed it back. “Romeo and Juliet,” he said.
“We were forced to read that for class, Brett.”
“So? Still counts.”
It definitely did not!”
“Brett laughed beside me and the sound seemed to carry into the air, playing like a symphony being strummed by the stars.”
“You’re wearing the ring,” Brett said, startling me.
“What? Oh.” I held up my hand, staring at the rose ring on my finger. It was the prize we won at the arcade. “I like it,” I said.
There were many things I liked. Many of those I wanted to share with Brett.”
“And all I really wanted was to kiss him. This time, I didn’t want it to be fake.”
“What I realised is that nothing I felt toward you was tainted or confusing, Becca. In fact, you’re the only clear part of my life right now.”
“You know what I like about you?” he said.
I tried to hide my smile but I could feel it breaking across my face. “What?”
“I like how you have the absolute worst taste in food,” he said, moving another inch across the bench.
“Agree to disagree,” I chimed in.
“I like how you don’t even flinch when we watch scary movies, I like how you always get lost in thought, like you live half your life inside your head. And I like how your face turns all pink whenever you catch me staring at you.” As if on cue, my face started to heat up. “See?”
There was no space between us on the bench now. We were thigh to thigh. Knee to knee. I was all warm and tongue-tied. My brain went to mush whenever Brett was this close.
“Sooooo,” I said, inching my hand closer to his. “What does all that mean?”
“It means,” Brett said, wrapping his pinky around mine, “that I like you. A lot. And that I was a jerk to ever doubt that. A lot of things have been changing in my life, Becca. In this whole mess, you’re the only constant. You’re the one that always comes back.”
“I shrieked as he reached out and grabbed my waist, pulling me across the bench until I was halfway on his lap. My first reaction was to make sure no one was lingering on the street, watching. They weren’t. Then I let myself relax, grabbed Brett’s face in my hands.
“Can we give this one more shot?” he said. “No more pretending. No more space. No more people coming between us. One last try. I won’t mess it up this time.”
“Only real from here on out?” I asked.
Brett smiled, pressed his check into my palm. “Only real.”
“I think you’re amazing,” he said, “and I think you deserve a first kiss that’s a hell of a lot better than standing in a school hallway while everyone watches.”
“Like sitting on a bench with no one watching?”
“Becca,” he said, closing the space between us until our foreheads were touching, “your first kiss should have been like this.”
“She pulled my face down to hers. She smelled like vanilla. Tasted like it too.”
“When Brett pulled open the door, I jumped into his arms. I grabbed his face and I kissed him because now I wanted to move into the future with him.”
“It started to rain again. I stood up, ready to head back inside, when Brett pulled me onto his lap. He was shaking his head, this evil smile on his face before he leaned in and kissed me.”
