#bedsyposting

[angelyiken]

BEDSY YOU. YOU NEED TO BE HIT WITH HAMMERS

[angelyiken]

the thing with bedsy is that i think he compartmentalizes so intensely between his hockey and personal life that he has a difficult time with letting people breach the cautionary boundary he's set around himself for intimacy. of course he has no problem with hugging and hanging out his teammates, laughing with them sharing jokes, even offering to give them a place to stay in vancouver if needed. all the expected duties of a loyal and caring teammate and it's all very real, an extension of himself. but try to dig a little deeper into the stickiness of those buried emotions and he puts his walls up immediately. deflects questions and attempts at intimacy so easily you would think he's been conditioned to do so, just like all that media training. can't let anyone get too close, can't display weakness or emotional frailty. he's the golden boy after all. it'd be wholly embarrassing if he lets himself be taken advantage of in any shape or form just because his guard slips.

[angelyiken]

yeah i kinda knew bedsy wasnt gonna be making the olympics roster but it still pisses me the fuck off

[angelyiken]

Thinking some things about connor bedard that may be deemed unkind to the non knower but are born out of my uttermost affection for him

[angelyiken]

who else up thinking about connor bedard

[angelyiken]

i kinda get bedsy actually. cus physicality is something he is in full control of, his use of his talent, training, playing, checking and fighting and the related. and nothing likes control more than an athlete, a prodigy at that who holds his life in the palm of his hand (by how good he is at hockey, how well he performs and how his career goes). the lack of control that accompanies emotions (specifically emotions detached from the thrill and frustration of sportive competition) and intimate attraction must be so alien and so uncomfortable for him. really gives him something to panic about!

[angelyiken]

People around Connor never stick around long enough for him to get heavily impacted meaning its solely up to Frank now to fuck his shit up and completely uproot his sense of identity!

[angelyiken]

Told moot i am picky with bedsy characterization and she asked if i can describe my idea of him and i said. With Connor think its hard to strike that perfect balance between surface level normality and all the potential deep rooted issues u could play with. mainly i think those issues are so buried and/or normalized as part of himself (e.g. him basically converting pressure and anxiety as a way to motivate himself, to keep himself constantly on his toes) that it takes a lot of digging and serious self reflection to even make himself aware that these issues exist. my idea of him is that he thinks hes normal he Seriously Truly Thinks he's completely fine and normal; this is the guy whose teammates told him to find a hobby and he said he doesn't need one. His sense of self is still solid even if it's splintering under its polish and the superglue is leaking out of the cracks. which is why i don't like it when fics woobify him or make him too dramatic because it implies his awareness of these issues which i dont think he's emotionally there yet. I mentioned in a previous post that i dont think he ever got a chance to develop himself emotionally with a normal childhood/teenagehood(?) and thats basically what i mean. The only moments where you see his bursts of emotion/instability are in the one part of his life that he's built his sense of self around and that's on the ice of course, when he picks fights with ppl twice his size and he jumps into scrums and he smiles at the camera with blood on his chin and says he's never felt better

So i prefer the depiction of Connor that's more rational and pragmatic about things because that's also kind of the way he's been taught to live life, to navigate the hockey world and its drama and media systematically. That doesn't mean he's cold or uncaring, he's still an ~empath~ at his core ("i never want to make someone feel bad"), but it does feel like he wishes to keep Himself as whole and stable as possible, limiting his own reactivity and tendency towards emotion. Wants to make sure the glue doesn't melt and the polish stays shiny. I just dont fully agree with the characterization when people make him too conscious of his problems bc i think he lacks that amount of inner self awareness to understand how they impact his way of behaviour which is also why i think trying to establish intimacy with him will be like pulling teeth