Everytime I post a fic on livejournal or fanfiction.net, the next morning is my favorite. That's when my inbox will tell me if I did a good job.
With By The Sea it was something different, something I didn't really ever have. People were responding in paragraphs, telling me little moments they liked the best, moments that I sat there and wrote and loved but thought they would go unnoticed. It was overwhelming, I remember getting overly emotional and wanting to cry only because people were actually reading my stuff for what it was for the first time.
Then I wrote some rpf, I figured more people would like that because I saw how crazy the crisscolfer tag was and I wanted to show how I view their relationship if it were ever to occur. I didn't get a lot of reviews, but I soon discovered that wasn't that important. Because instead I got to wake up to messages like this:
"You really know how to paint a picture in words."
"This is almost like a cross between prose and poetry, absolutely beautiful."
And that's what really makes me want to cry. I don't completely know why, but I think it has to do with the fact that what I'm writing...it comes from somewhere in me. I literally rip myself apart sometimes while I'm writing, just so the emotion is there. I don't care what genre, rating, pairing it is. I want some kind of substance underneath everything I write...I want people to be able to feel the words and emotions I'm writing...
When I reach that goal, it feels amazing.
For once it even feels like I know I can write for the rest of my life.
I don't have to go to college for something I don't want to do, I can go to learn more in this. Without fanfiction, I wouldn't have even known that.
If you have ever reviewed one of my stories: thank you thank you thank you thank you. Everything you say benefits me, even if it's not the nicest comment. Just thank you for giving me something to wake up to every once in awhile, it always makes my whole day complete. Thank you.