#being chill

[nyasiamese]

Do any of y’all make music videos with Sonic characters in your head?

I’d like to see which ones you associate with the characters! For example, I like imagining Surge with Wildfire by Gumi.

[exilethegame]

can i just say you seem so nice??? not only are you writing an amazing story but you just seem so down to earth and funny and getting notifications from your blog always makes me happy!!

!!! ASFJDK thank you!!! This made me smile when I read it :)

[asleepinawell]

“When the last leviathan is gone, darkness will fall.”

[dokuhebi]

Shikkotsunin asked: ❝ you’re holding on to things that are holding you back. ❞ (maybe the little philosophical talks we chatted about? 8)]

Things that are hard to hear. // @shikkotsunin​ They sit staring down at the most breathtaking view, sequoia trees that reach long branches in to the skies, parted by narrow creeks and riverbanks, splashed in the colour of the moonlight. The architecture of the estate they are permitted entry inside however, does not pale in comparison. It is just as beautiful, it is just as touched by the moon and dusted in enchantment. The serpent sits like an entity of ethereal nature, almost ghost like in their presence. There, but of another world entirely. Their slender form is elegantly perched on the balconies stone railing, their back resting against the pale rocky pillar. Silken fabrics, which drape fittingly over their svelte figure, runs over their seats ledge like water. Hanging down and taunting the drop below, as it lightly dances in the wind. A similar motion to midnight hair, half of which trails over one shoulder, and falls in to their lap, the other hugging their back and daring to follow the overhanging fabric of their hanfu. The ends of the dressings tail and long sleeves just out of the strands reach.  Golden eyes are set downward, looking at the life that continues below. Watching as the ant sized servants move around with daily living. Viewing each small dot below like the gods might. The Sannin always did prefer people at the greatest distance they could obtain. For everything seemed a little clearer, and a little more perfect, from far away. They share this warm summer night with only one other person, someone who, for better or worse, has given them cause to acknowledge her opinion. To value it. While their eyes are trained on the sight below, their attention is not wavering from Sakura. The serpent may disguise themself as someone more fitting in this place, holding themself with enough bewitchment and pride to be mistaken as nobility - even if they are nothing but a false sage. But they can not help feel she is the true image of this realm. That with her power comes her right to be held highly in this place, that she captures the enchantment of the estate with a feminine figure and cherry blossom hair, only to match the fierceness of the forests around this land with equal, or superior wildness. They don’t always like what she says, they don’t always like what she does. But how they appreciate the fact that she does it all anyway. That there is an unapologetic survival instinct about her. That they too, can feel unjudged in their own shameless acts, of doing what it takes. That when they bare their teeth at her, she has her claws out too. Tonight, is far more peaceful. For even the beasts of this world find a place to rest alongside their fellow predators. They toss comments back and forth, as they impart ideas and concepts to one another. Complex and heavier understandings of the world, and the lack thereof. Riddles and hard questions that, with the single glass of sake seated beside them, seemed possible to answer and solve in this moment. For nobody was ever as genius as they were with a touch of liquid confidence in their system, just enough to take the edge off. It is amid this conversation when one of her phrases stands out from the rest. When somewhere along the line, she had evidently spotted their inability to sleep. Insomnia ever apparent, when they are awake during the day, and equally as awake during the night.  “ you’re holding on to things that are holding you back. ” They almost laugh her off. Ignoring the analysis on the basis that, given how very far they had come, they were evidently not being held back. However, with a mind that works as quickly as theirs, they can not help but muse over a few factors that made her comment ring truer than they would like. Because they had clung to the memory of their parents and comrades dying, for so very long they barely know how to engage their own children as a parent should. No matter how much they love the two boys, and hope they both know that, there is a distance they simply can not cross. And ever since Hiruzen had given them his faith and stripped it from them so suddenly, they do find themself going the extra mile. Pushing to always be ahead, to be on top, to have the upper hand, no matter if they genuinely care about the subject and victory or not. 

So instead of laughing her off, instead of banishing the thought they could be falling in to something as taboo as emotional weakness, they try digest it. One of the things they hold on to the tightest, is old teachings. Where anything that proved a shinobi was mentally or emotionally compromised, was seen as something bad. Was frowned upon. Perfect shinobi knew how to distance themselves from their hearts. Knew to put duty before anything. Born in the First War, and ending young adulthood in the Second and Third, gave them a deep set mentality that observations such as mental ailments was a negative matter. And to reveal a weakness was a terribly risky affair. Blood in shark infested waters. “I think matters of the past hang more to me, than I hang on to them.” A simple way of saying, they would let them go if they could. But a little too proud to speak quite so blatantly as that. Because how very pathetic it would be, for someone like them to admit there was one wound they could not simply shed away. That no matter how they flaunt their powers, how they are reborn in new hosts and bodies... they are not quite as new and pristine as they like. Flesh wounds and age could be left behind, but their consciousness followed on. One part of them is inclined to shut down the conversation. Has already put up a mental wall, blocking out her sound advice and analysis in favor of going back to how things were. Back to poorer coping methods and problematic ideologies. Another part however, the part of them that has matured in over seventy years of living, the part that truly wishes to ascend past mortal capabilities... is growing curious. Because there are still days they feel the reach of darkness, insanity pulling at the logic in their mind. Where they move their feet but can not predict the floors, where they hear words and distort them, when they feed thoughts that cause nothing but chaos in their own head. It is then, a desperate part that wants proof, proof that maybe they do not have to be nothing more than a genetic slave. Proof that there is a little more to people than the biology that had failed their needs on countless occasions. Or that if there isn’t more to them, even that invisible link of consciousness can be controlled. Because they wanted to control their own thoughts for once, they wanted to play god with their own emotions and moods, they wanted to feel truly at ease. They want to be above the life they had lead, and to scrub away the past. But maybe that too is cowardly. Maybe that isn’t what Sakura would, in her professional opinion, think was wise either. That there should be a healthy middle ground, rather than either being held down by those feelings, or finding a way to simply erase and obliterate them without ever truly working through it. “I would find it hard to believe you have escaped your past,” they say, approaching the subject in a round about manner, shifting focus on to others, “our very cells hold on to our unique histories and upbringing, from as early a stage as when we are still in the womb. Locking in and coding us based on the environment we interact with, and the emotions we are greeted by. I suppose, some things simply can not be fixed after a while. Akin to an injury, if not addressed correctly the first time, it will simply heal wrong. That can not be corrected later on, the period to halt the development of a scar, or an eternal weak point, can be missed. And it is impossible to go through life without earning a few of these wounds.” But they can not shift their own focus, even if they briefly travel the low road of redirecting attention to an ‘everyone’ conversation, and deviating from the possibility of this being specifically about ‘them’. And they almost let themself off the hook, until they can not shake their own curiosity. Because although they know the difference between a healthy and unhealthy mind set, they also lead themself to believe that is was inevitable. That as they had brazenly mentioned, this impairment was something to be lived with, something to accept and work around.  Yet she speaks as if there is some solution, or at least a way to better handle it. Alleviate the strain caused by the issue. When they had thought all these years, that merely handling it at all, be it well or poorly, was the success. So after a moment of consideration, they dare to ask a question that feels a little bit like baring their neck, but will not be silenced when they hold knowledge higher than even self preservation. Seeking the opinion of someone who had actually dabbled in the science of the mind. “Am I not meant to feel this way?”

[storiesfromtina]

When Being Chill Goes Wrong

When Being Chill Goes Wrong

[overdramatic-tits]

my tummy hurts and i need my back cracked :(

[my-self-reflections]