I truthfully debated not posting this, letting shit run it's course, just being the bigger person.. But I truly cannot. The accusations against me make me incredibly pissed off. So I want to address them asap, and we'll see if anything comes of this all.
For some context, I was vaguely in relations with another tumblr user [we'll see if I name names prob not], and we spoke a lot and were on good terms. Nice social interaction type shit.
This was a person who would talk to me about stuff they saw online and discuss with me, tell me when they thought I was wrong/confused by a take of mine & discussed it with me, etc. We were so close in fact this blogger even thought about adding me to a personal discord server with just this person's friends, but I was a month or so shy of 18 so this user made their own server instead. I was around the 9th or so member to join, and I hyped it up pretty publicly on this blog.
We spoke frequently but something happened in my personal life making me take a break, and ever since then we just kinda dwindled in communications, but still stayed speaking on good terms. Nothing in the rest of this post was communicated to me at all by this person in their mid goddamn 20s. But more on that in a bit..
Anyways, I seen today I was banned & blocked everywhere by this person, asked [redacted] what happened, and was forwarded this message the person who's upset with me. I wanna dissect this today.
[warning; this is very rant-y]
ONTO THE MEAT!
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basically lily/lilidae (or ichliebemeinkissen) has had a lot of repeated issues even before the server has been made.
Yet I wasn't told at all about any of these grievances, and you made the server still, invited me, spoke to me closely. Like genuinely do you not think it makes you look odd if all these alleged horrible things I've done were flagging for you over and over & you just continued on like nothing happened?
shi got a black boyfriend and started acting like that made hir 'black by proxy',
in a way which made me super uncomfortable. shi started speaking in aave a lot more in ways shi didn't before.
Unfortunately this will be a VERY long section of my response:
ACT I: My bf..
First off, why are you assuming my boyfriend is black. You yourself are lightskinned, and you consider yourself black, so you should be able to conceptualize "dark skin doesn't necessarily mean black." He is a dark skinned latino man. I know the history there and yadda yadda, he could definitely have African Ancestory or some shit if you really wanna headcannon the poor man, but end of the day. He isn't black. He is societally seen as a darker skinned latino man. He grew up being a darker skinned latino man.
He has never claimed to be black, and I have never called him black. This is your own assumption.
Additionally, I won't grow into the specifics of how he was raised but being black doesn't necessarily mean you use AAVE. Like you're phrasing this as if I started dating him and just? Copied him? Pretended to be black or something? He grew up a sheltered JW not speaking AAVE. And he still does not. I don't get why he's being dragged into your fanfic about my life.
FINALLY, I didn't "get a black bf and start speaking different." I've been with him longer than any of my accounts you've known me on have even been created. So what now? You clearly don't know jack shit about my man nor my relationship, so I'd like it if you didn't use your assumptions about strangers' lives to fuel your justification of hating me. Jfc. Like I'm sorry but this whole first thing is absurd to me to be accused of ~pretending to be black~ by someone who clearly doesn't know shit about me nor my life. (more on that below)👇
ACT II: Me & AAVE
I have never once changed how I've spoken. Maybe you've just gotten to know me in more casual settings so I stopped speaking like a robot to you, but I have never once changed how I speak. And even if I do use AAVE! Guess what! I HAVE BLACK FAMILY MEMBERS & GREW UP IN HIGHERLY BLACK POPULATED PLACES!
Like? I speak how people I've grown up around all my life, especially my FAMILY speaks? Like you're acting as if I just suddenly changed one day & started speaking a new way when genuinely nothing about me or how I've always existed has changed once.
++ Mind you everyone reading! This is all through written language only. I'm not even being accused of a blaccent here. Just ~acting black~ because.. I use AAVE sometimes.
Additionally, this just keeps me wondering again and again: WHY THE FUCK. DIDNT YOU TALK TO ME. You are a grown ass adult who sat there, allegedly had ~alllllll~ these issues with me, and said nothing. ????
So yea, I do speak AAVE. But not cuz I wanna ~pretend to be black~ cuz I am in this relationship with my ~now black-headcannoned bf~, because it's the language around me. Very human to mimmick those you're around.
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ALSO! I do wanna address the "black by proxy" claim. I genuinely don't think that. I mean idk how to prove a negative here, so I'm just going to go through the actual arguments made for that I suppose.
interacting with accounts that are exclusively for black people and essentially invading black spaces.
I wanna know where. Because the only black-only account I know is [I'm blanking on the name it's either for lesbians or aspecs or something?], and I know I've reblogged that bloggers posts before, but they were typically about bigger issues & topics. So I reblogged. I think that blogger has those little signs on posts too, yea?
Other than that, there's the internoir blog but the only interaction I did was bringing up to them "im white idk how you wanna do this but there's a history of the H slur going into science because of racism" and that blogger just took that & made their own post. No harm no foul.. idk if any of that is bad person behavior, but again, if it is, I am a person. You can tell me instead of writing up a list of horrible things you feel I've done, waiting for the day you have enough?
there are repeated instances of where shi speaks on blackness and antiblackness that shi makes it where it sounds like shi's talking about hirself.
Really hate how there's no real citations in this. I suppose it wasn't a callout post but still! Literally where?
Chat, is it antiblack & blackfishing to call out racism (while specifying you're white all the time) now?
Genuinely this all just sounds like cobbled together rubbish to me. I'm sorry I know these are serious accusations & I am trying to be graceful here, but genuinely how is "They have a blk bf & speak about racism so they blackfish but dw I sat on this information for many months before feeling personally like this person deserved it to come up" supposed to be replied to?
along with speaking over black ballroom terms such as "doll" and weaponizing hir position as a white transfem to tell transmascs they aren't allowed to bridge that gap for example. that's not hir place when the term has black origins.
zomg thats SO funny because the only time I've ever spoken about the word doll is HERE where I expressly say I don't like how people don't understand the history... and you knew this. We spoke about this. You added on to what I was saying and I respected your opinion on it. Where was the speaking over? The weaponization?
in the past i also caught hir claiming genderqueerdykes (a known abuser who happens to be mixed/biracial) was lying about that person's race (mixed black) & interacting positively with someone who said "is the black in the room with us?"
Mm I don't remember that specific person but I remember the situation well. A lot of people who KNEW this blogger PERSONALLY had proof & shit. So that's why I held that belief at that time. Later on, they ~mysteriously~ retracted that from the doc & I thought it was weird but avidly acknowledged this & retracted my previous statements, saying the new findings to others still having this conversation, etc.
Again this was wayyyyy long ago.. And you never had anyyyyy trouble disagreeing with me throughout the entire time we've known each other.. Still going to bring that up every now and again.. It's just so odd to me..
shi publically used the phrasing "kool kids..." when meaning to compliment this server... and that has. connotations of the KKK. and i told hir this and to please not say that. all shi responded with was "ok." i didn't get an apology or anything.
I say kool instead of cool constantly. It's part of my vocabulary. When you said that (which wouldn't you know I can't look for the interaction cuz im banned!) but yea when you said that I was like okay my b. If you didn't feel I was receptive enough or *doing* enough, you are grown and could've very well communicated such things.
shi's also been fatmisic & published an ask agreeing with all of it that essentially generalized the fat liberation community as ableist against EDs. and while there is a conversation to be had about SOME fat people being ableist against those with EDs. fat people with EDs also exist. i am one of them i have ARFID. we would have considered this a one off, just kinda weird thing to say but shi's also had a history of positioning skinnymisia to be as systemic as fatmisia.
There's a LOT of posts I could bring up, and hardly any of them can be misconstrued as saying all fat people & fat liberationists are bad.
Like idk man, in this collection of posts I've made about this I've:
• Criticized people who use fat liberation as a mask for their ableism
• Criticized people who are ableist in different ways to fat people with EDs
• Said body diversity is more than just a tiny bit of chub on a character and people need to do better
Things like that. Where's the fatphobia? I feel like this shit is just grasping at straws atp..
And nowhere did I ONCE say anything was systemic, unless you think me saying "Hey if you wanna argue fatphobia is a systemic axis of oppression you need to genuinely treat it like one" is equivical to that?
in the past as well on one of hir accounts, cericertain shi also dismissed me being upset that SQH kept reblogging zionists on my timeline & essentially responded "do you think everyone has to look at the bios of who they reblog." like ... if you're an activist blog? yes? you should be sensitivity checking the accounts you fucking put on people's feeds.
That's because in all my time on this god forsaken website it's always been incredibly weird to assume someone will verify everyone they reblog is "safe". Also it seemed very one-off. No, I didn't immediately think at the time SQH should be thrown to the pit of eternal suffering or whatever because one person they reblogged was bad. I'm so sorry?
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ALSO! That account. You followed me from that account to here. For many months. And sat on that. KEEP THAT IN MIND!
Also anyone peep how this blogger goes "bleh i wouldve ignored fatmisia if it was a one-off" but every other one off is being crucified?
I really want y'all to sit there & think. A person in their mid 20s sat there being buddy buddy with me for many months, taking note of every little slight wrongdoing I ever done, didn't talk to me about 99% of them, then added it all up until they wanted to attack me.
This blogger sat there collecting this shit like dust. That is absurdist behavior & I'm sorry but idk how anyone can defend it.
there may be more i'm missing but the most recent issue is when opening tumblr the first thing i saw was hir reblogging a post spreading antiblack misinformation that nb did not originate in black spaces to mean "nonblack" (it did.)
I reblogged a post on my feed. If it was misinformation for thag person to call something else misinformation then tell me. Talk. To. Me. Use them fingers you used to type this bullshit up to verbally speak to me.
Anyways this is finally the section where I get onto my final overarching point; You, yes you, sat there collecting anything you could on me that you felt wasn't perfect in your eyes until you saw something you thought was bad enough to finally ~get~ me. Get the fuck offline & go do some soul searching.
so this most recent issue combined with hir behavior of repeated antiblackness and basically acting like shi's black was the nail in the coffin, and we made the decision to ban hir.
Anyways, yea no none of this is proof I did anything. It's more "I saw this person's life in the worst possible way & so they're bad!"
You never once reached out to me. You never once spoke to me. You just stayed silent until it was time to block me, then pettily reposted this garbage.
about someone who you know goddamn well ain't even 18.5 yet. Lol.
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Some bullshit, @roisebian/now "tired-of-white-cunts" (very classy). And yea. Ima @ you. At first this was only written up because I know you're a notorious shit talker, and when you inevitably shit talk me on your discord server (that you ASKED ME TO HELP YOU PROMO. IN THE MIDDLE OF ALL THESE ALLEGED HORRIBLE THINGS I DID BTW.) I wanted people to just see my response.
then I was sent THIS SHIT by a seperate person and It was just pathetic. So everything you say, the beautifulness devoid of any proof, is 100% true and everyone should listen. But if I even dare speak about what you've done it's because you're black and native and jewish now and I just wanna ~tear down this community~ (that I helped with mind you).
No wonder you always need others to make posts for you or reply to stuff for you, you're a coward. Even behind the screen. It's genuinely sad.